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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇲🇪 has bookmarked:

Remember: when a band skips your city on tour, it is always personal and they always hate you specifically.

Someone from 🇨🇭 has copied:

If I was ever told to “dress to impress”, my first thought would be to get the Batman suit out.

Someone from 🇵🇪 has shared:

When Dr. Seuss wrote, “Oh, The Places You’ll Go,” he did not consider how comfortable my couch would be.

Someone from 🇳🇵 has downloaded:

“Normalize this, normalize that.” How about y’all feel shame for once?

Someone from 🇲🇬 has shared:

Tornadoes are the most relaxing things in the news.

Someone from 🇰🇬 has downloaded:

Airports should have tattoo parlors for those of us with long layovers and poor impulse control.

Someone from 🇧🇮 has shared:

I saw God in a dream and all he did was brag about making Pedro Pascal.

Someone from 🇧🇯 has downloaded:

Spices were first brought to Western Europe in the Middle Ages. Some of them are still at the back of my cupboard.

Someone from 🇦🇺 has shared:

People in NYC are like, let me know if you’re ever in NYC.

Someone from 🇸🇬 has shared:

Sometimes I can’t tell if I’m in preschool or school… Oh wait, I’m at work.

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

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17,766

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15,753

Updated

Jan 31, 2026

Users Online

3,259

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Threads:

New challenge called “don’t say ‘wow it’s already dark by five these days’ for the rest of winter”

Spreading quickly via Threads:

Weed smokers be like, “Hold up — before we go to the store, I have to get scared.”

Spreading quickly via TikTok:

It scares me when you stay up late, like 3 a.m., and you hear a car go down the road, like, where are you going?

Trending via Reddit:

The most attractive thing a man can do is hitting his own head and repeating “stupid, stupid, stupid”.

Seen just now on Telegram:

Computer dating is fine, if you’re a computer.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

I love how one day my body just decided “You know what you really need is some ear hair.”

Spreading quickly via Messenger:

True luxury is sleeping until you wake up by yourself.

Making waves on Snapchat:

It’s wild that “Jason” is a name from ancient Greece, because it sounds like it was invented in Florida in 1983.

Just shared via Facebook:

Planking is the only time we appreciate time.

Live now on YouTube:

Apple juice tastes like it wants to be alcohol, but it’s too shy.

I hate when someone you love says mean things like, “It’s time to wake up.”

3 months ago

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When your alarm clock turns into your arch-nemesis, betrayal level 100 😂⏰😴

hate, humor, i, love, mean, mean thing, relationship, someone, thing, things, time, wake, wake up

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27 shares on Messenger this month:

Sex is cool and all, but have you ever tried obsessing over a mediocre person who’s just not that into you.

32 shares on Twitch this month:

If caterpillars are able to sleep for a long time and come out prettier, why cant I?

64 shares on YouTube this month:

Roman soldiers are all like “I’m going to fight you in this short yet tasteful leather skirt.”

94 shares on Reddit this month:

A good relationship is when she is by your side during bad times to tell you that none of this would have happened if you had just listened to her.

69 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I regret to inform you that we must all once again figure out what to make for dinner tonight.

15 shares on TikTok this month:

But that was my emotional support daylight.

43 shares on Discord this month:

Humans can accomplish so much, unless it’s parking at a shopping center during the holidays.

42 shares on X this month:

Happy return of “yes of course it’s bedtime, see how dark it is outside” to all parents who celebrate.

28 shares on Twitch this month:

Why go to the art museum when I can just stare at you?

89 shares on WeChat this month:

Pool rules: You’re not allowed to do anything that begins with the words ‘Hey everyone watch this!’

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇯 has viewed:

Dating is so overrated. Let’s just get married.

Someone from 🇹🇩 has copied:

Ribbed condoms don’t even taste like ribs.

Someone from 🇲🇺 has downloaded:

If you feel depressed, go for a run. You will soon find out your physical health is far worse than your mental health.

Someone from 🇧🇭 has bookmarked:

To quote Hamlet Act III, Scene III, Line 92 “No.”

Someone from 🇨🇿 has copied:

Never underestimate my ability to fall asleep in a moving vehicle.

Someone from 🇨🇱 has shared:

Love is in the air, but so is the flu. Wash your hands!

Someone from 🇸🇪 has copied:

In retrospect, I guess “one drunken night of stupidity” isn’t the best response when a child asks you where babies come from.

Someone from 🇬🇲 has downloaded:

If you like water, you already like 72% of me.

Someone from 🇮🇳 has bookmarked:

I mostly stopped responding to emails three years ago, and aside from various consequences, it’s been fine.

Someone from 🇹🇻 has copied:

My hobbies include saying, “I’m so tired,” and then staying up for three more hours doing nothing.

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Threads:

I don’t wanna start the year with any negativity so if you and I have had issues in the past, apologize to me immediately.

Going viral on Slack:

Husband said he only wants to allow our kids to watch Looney Tunes and nothing else because of the “moral lessons”.

Just landed via WhatsApp:

I got fired from my job at the massage parlor. No specific reason, apparently I just rub people the wrong way.

Shared recently on WhatsApp:

This year has gone by so quick. Christmas is basically tomorrow.

Just landed via Instagram:

My nutritionist told me wine doesn’t count as a fruit source so now I need to find a different nutritionist.

Just landed via Instagram:

Coffee should just be free for anybody over 30.

Seen just now on Telegram:

I grew up in a poor family. We didn’t have much, but we had each other. And that was the worst part.

Trending via Pinterest:

I haven’t exaggerated in like a million years.

Spotted on Pinterest:

Jury duty is a wild concept. Whenever the government wants, they can just be like “Call off work, bestie, we need you to solve a murder. Here’s fifteen dollars.”

Just landed via WeChat:

A big F*** YOU to people driving small cars and pulling deep into parking spaces so I think I have a spot until the last second.

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Activity Log ✨

I hate when someone you love says mean things like, “It’s time to wake up.”

I get sad when I see how old people my age are.

I’m not enjoying this slow-burn apocalypse. I need it over and done like a popular Netflix show.

If you’re a dude and you’re having a bad day, just remember, no one cares.

There should be bloopers at the end of horror films to relax the viewer before sleeping.

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Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I hate when someone you love says mean things like, “It’s time to wake up.”

Keep the laugh going 😂

I get sad when I see how old people my age are.

I’m not enjoying this slow-burn apocalypse. I need it over and done like a popular Netflix show.

Nothing is more awkward than trying to tell an online joke to offline people.

If you’re a dude and you’re having a bad day, just remember, no one cares.

There should be bloopers at the end of horror films to relax the viewer before sleeping.

Anyone else smile at old people just to show that you’re one of the good ones.

Social Media Stars ⭐

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