Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇭🇺 has viewed:

I am stoned and laying in bed reading, and the idea of Santa going on Ozempic popped into my head, and I whispered, “No!”

Someone from 🇨🇺 has shared:

“Autophagy” would be a beautiful name for a girl.

Someone from 🇮🇸 has bookmarked:

The healthy food in my fridge should be grateful really. It survives much longer than everything else.

Someone from 🇱🇧 has copied:

Not really into dating right now, but very into flirting, and that’s where things get complicated.

Someone from 🇧🇯 has shared:

Taylor Swift’s prenup is about to be longer than any book Travis Kelce has ever read.

Someone from 🇦🇲 has copied:

90% of parenting is wondering when you can lie down again.

Someone from 🇲🇰 has copied:

My apologies to the Goodreads reviewer who found my novel about vampires on a submarine, “unrealistic.”

Someone from 🇬🇼 has downloaded:

Enemies to lovers is only good if they’re gay. If I wanted to see a man and a woman yell at each other, I’d just go downstairs and eat with my parents.

Someone from 🇦🇪 has viewed:

You will watch an old classic movie that kind of sucks. Then, on the IMDb trivia, it says, this was the first time a film director ever pointed the camera at the sun.

Someone from 🇷🇸 has downloaded:

As long as you don’t ever give them your real name, they can’t accuse you of not keeping the mystery alive in your relationship.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,494

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on YouTube:

Hey bartender, can you turn down the music, please? This guy I just met is trying to explain how baseball works.

Broadcasted on Telegram:

I would do absolutely anything for my friends, except answer their text messages.

Making waves on Threads:

Before Facebook, we would hold people hostage inside our homes by showing them photo albums of our vacation.

Seen just now on WeChat:

Work beers should be a daily thing.

Spreading quickly via Pinterest:

Human interaction is a great way to learn all the new swear words your subconscious mind has come up with in the lab.

Making waves on Messenger:

That awkward moment when someone is doing the dishes, and you slowly put your dish in the sink.

Just landed via Messenger:

That uncontrollable urge to hurt myself and others when a film’s subtitles are slightly out of sync.

Just landed via Discord:

My dog is quite vain. Whenever the doorbell rings, he thinks it’s for him.

Going viral on Pinterest:

My Mom say that everyone has a beautiful side, so I guess I’m a circle.

Shared recently on X:

Single by choice. Just not my choice.

I have lived way too many lives for people to think they know everything about me.

4 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Guess I've unlocked the "mystery character" achievement in real life! 🎭🕵️‍♂️✨

everything, experience, humor, i, identity, know, life, lived, me, misunderstanding, mystery, people, perception, think, too

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

If you stand too close to me in the check out line, you may as well pay for my stuff while you’re breathing down my neck.

0

2 months ago

awkward, awkward situation, breathing, check, checkout, checkout line, close, humor, interaction, line, me, neck, pay, personal, personal space, sarcasm, shopping, situation, social, social interaction, space, stand, stuff, too, well
Microdosing Christmas by being present.

0

2 months ago

being, Christmas, holiday, humor, microdosing, mindfulness, presence, present
Buying something nice for myself, cuz today would’ve been my birthday if I was born today.

0

6 months ago

birthday, birthday wish, born, buying, celebration, gift, humor, i, myself, nice, personal, personal treat, self-care, shopping, something, today, treat, wish
If I could turn water into wine, I’d have lots of followers too.

0

2 months ago

followers, humor, i, ID, media, popularity, social, social media, too, transformation, turn, water, wine
On the next episode of Hoarders, they visit my subconscious.

0

4 months ago

clutter, episode, hoarder, Hoarders, humor, mental, mental clutter, next, show, subconscious, TV, TV Show, visit
If history is repeating itself, when can I buy a pet dinosaur?

0

2 months ago

buy, dinosaur, history, humor, i, pet, question, repeat

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

97 shares on Twitch this month:

Basketball’s all like “gimme that pumpkin, I need it” and golf is all like “***k this egg, imma hit it into the sun”

32 shares on YouTube this month:

Sugar held my hand through every breakup.

42 shares on TikTok this month:

No, I don’t like nature. I can’t respect anything that would so flippantly turn dinosaurs into birds.

92 shares on Twitch this month:

And then there are those dates after which you think: “Have I really shaved my legs for this?”

87 shares on Discord this month:

Seaweed is great for when you want to eat pure salt but wish it had the texture of slime.

93 shares on Facebook this month:

Spent 20 minutes training ChatGPT to write the perfect anniversary note for my wife, so don’t try to tell me I’m not romantic.

10 shares on Snapchat this month:

“Age is just a number!” Yeah, the older I get, the number I feel.

28 shares on WeChat this month:

Hate when you’re trying to take a nap and the dentist is all “Please open your mouth.”

65 shares on Discord this month:

Cover letters are so embarrassing. Why am I writing a love letter to this shitty company?

98 shares on X this month:

Just caught a moth and sent it back outside. Feeling like Mr. Miyagi.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇮🇳 has downloaded:

I love icebreakers. They really give me time to anxiously reflect on what the most fun fact about me is, while I don’t listen to anyone else at all.

Someone from 🇸🇪 has shared:

Threatening my wife with a tariff every time she makes fun of me.

Someone from 🇦🇱 has bookmarked:

Alcohol: When you want to run away from your problems without moving.

Someone from 🇲🇿 has copied:

What wine pairs well with the kids being stuck inside during a heat wave?

Someone from 🇯🇵 has bookmarked:

Imagine how loud a centipede would be if they wore tiny little flip flops.

Someone from 🇦🇿 has viewed:

If it turns cold one more time, I’m gonna put the Christmas tree back up.

Someone from 🇭🇳 has copied:

Twitter is where the broken, the used, the fighters, and the lovers gather to appreciate the twisted beauty in one another.

Someone from 🇦🇪 has shared:

It’s fun getting room service. I just love eating a $19 hamburger at a desk in front of a mirror.

Someone from 🇬🇶 has copied:

I have a date and nothing to wear. Or as Nietzsche said: If you stare into a closet long enough, the closet stares back at you.

Someone from 🇲🇱 has shared:

“I saw your ex!” A very unnecessary piece of information.

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on X:

When people say something is cray-cray it makes me wanna vom-vom.

Seen just now on WhatsApp:

What if aliens watch our movies about aliens and then invade accordingly in hopes of fitting in with our culture?

Making waves on YouTube:

Today, I used a wire I’ve kept in my box of cables since 2011. Please applaud.

Seen just now on YouTube:

Once you book a trip, it becomes hard to focus on life.

Going viral on Reddit:

Tuesday is just another Monday, but reheated.

Trending via Pinterest:

Twitter is like a psych ward with no staff.

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

I be like, “I needed this,” and it’s just me getting drunk.

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

Eating Halloween candy and putting up my Christmas tree because nothing matters anymore.

Just shared via Threads:

The sexual tension between me and vanishing without context is insane.

Spotted on Messenger:

I’m not saying I’m old, but when I was in school, we made our parents ashtrays for Christmas.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I have lived way too many lives for people to think they know everything about me.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

If you stand too close to me in the check out line, you may as well pay for my stuff while you’re breathing down my neck.

Microdosing Christmas by being present.

Buying something nice for myself, cuz today would’ve been my birthday if I was born today.

If I could turn water into wine, I’d have lots of followers too.

On the next episode of Hoarders, they visit my subconscious.

If history is repeating itself, when can I buy a pet dinosaur?

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨