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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇳🇬 has shared:

I’m actually not funny. I’m just really mean and people think I’m joking.

Someone from 🇫🇯 has downloaded:

I’m a multi-tasking procrastinator. I can put off multiple things at once.

Someone from 🇬🇾 has copied:

Adults are always asking children what they want to be when they grow up because they’re looking for ideas.

Someone from 🇵🇰 has downloaded:

Who needs a weighted blanket when you’ve got the weight of the world?

Someone from 🇹🇩 has copied:

Every night at bedtime I do one small ritual: six hours on my cell phone.

Someone from 🇻🇪 has downloaded:

Finally my winter fat has gone. I now have spring rolls.

Someone from 🇱🇷 has copied:

Playdates were invented to force parents into cleaning their home.

Someone from 🇦🇱 has copied:

I don’t hate you, I just don’t want to see you alive.

Someone from 🇭🇳 has bookmarked:

I feel a deep connection to librarians because I also love telling people to shut up.

Someone from 🇦🇪 has viewed:

She is so narcissistic that her narcissism has narcissism.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

815 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,977

Funny Quotes Topics

13,919

Funny Quotes Images

10,977

Updated

22 minutes ago

Users Online

3,426

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Threads:

I would like to opt out of WW3, por favor.

Spotted on Slack:

I have decided to purchase the grocery store because it is now cheaper than the groceries inside it.

Shared recently on Pinterest:

Statistically speaking, people don’t object enough at weddings.

Seen just now on Messenger:

In my 20’s: why is eating healthy such a big deal anyways. In my 40’s: oh.

Making waves on Slack:

“It can’t get any worse than this”, I lie to myself knowing it will absolutely get worse.

Seen just now on Slack:

They should invent a man who is being genuine when he says things to me.

Just shared via WhatsApp:

I should get paid a lot more for being the boss of me.

Making waves on Instagram:

I’m a total go with the flow kinda person as long as the flow is meticulously scheduled well in advance and there are no mid-flow changes whatsoever.

Spotted on Messenger:

Shoutout to all ladies dating silently without making noise on social media. May God give you another man as a bonus.

Just landed via Messenger:

In the American Bible, Eve was made from part of a McRib.

I have never in my life learned from another person’s mistakes, I would literally let a giant wooden horse into my house right this second.

I have never in my life learned from another person’s mistakes, I would literally let a giant wooden horse into my house right this second.
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Commentary:
"Learning from other people's mistakes? Nah, not my style. Giant wooden horse on my doorstep seems totally legit though. 🏛️🐴🏠 #TrojanHorse #OopsIDidItAgain"

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

815 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,977

Funny Quotes Topics

13,919

Funny Quotes Images

10,977

Updated

22 minutes ago

Users Online

3,444

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Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇰🇳 has downloaded:

Breaking news: you’re way less interesting than you think you are.

Someone from 🇭🇳 has bookmarked:

Why steal office supplies from work when you could take an extra-long bathroom break and steal company time instead?

Someone from 🇮🇪 has bookmarked:

Having a conversation with me is kind of like taking the scenic route.

Someone from 🇭🇳 has downloaded:

I wish I loved exercise as much as I love napping 3 times a day and eating 5 times the suggested serving size.

Someone from 🇰🇪 has viewed:

Life hack: If you never leave the house you don’t have to worry about running into someone you don’t want to talk to.

Someone from 🇭🇺 has shared:

Ever since I was a little girl I knew I wanted to leave work early.

Someone from 🇰🇪 has copied:

It takes guts to be an organ donor.

Someone from 🇧🇼 has bookmarked:

Can I come over and overstay my welcome?

Someone from 🇸🇿 has downloaded:

Unfortunately, I wasn’t built for casual dating, I’m only built for intense soul crushing love at first sight.

Someone from 🇨🇴 has bookmarked:

Can’t wait to get past this phase of my life. I need to see what all of this was for.

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Threads:

I’m not enjoying this slow-burn apocalypse. I need it over and done like a popular Netflix show.

Freshly posted on Twitch:

I don’t understand how spending more money than I earn is irresponsible. I’m giving more than I take. I’m generous.

Reported on Facebook:

April fools prank: replace all the sugar in your house with cocaine.

Just landed via LinkedIn:

A moth flies into your face out of nowhere. You could ask him why he does that, but what would you do with the information?

Seen just now on WhatsApp:

Edging my house plants by putting them next to the window when it rains.

Shared recently on TikTok:

Don’t donate your plasma. It’s a big scam and they’re just using it to make TVs.

Going viral on WhatsApp:

The older I get, the more I treat birthdays like one night stands and just pretend they didn’t happen.

Just shared via TikTok:

As a kid, I used to watch The Wizard of Oz and wonder how someone could talk if they didn’t have a brain. Then I got social media.

Just landed via Pinterest:

If I eat a magnet, will I become more attractive?

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

I’m buysexual, you buy me food, I become sexual.

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