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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇬 has downloaded:

Our parents are going to be shocked when they find out that most of us are serious about not getting married.

Someone from 🇧🇿 has shared:

Doctor: Your body has run out of magnesium. Me: OMg.

Someone from 🇱🇷 has downloaded:

If you’re too open-minded, your brains will fall out.

Someone from 🇹🇻 has viewed:

If you call me “daddy” in bed, I will immediately stop what we are doing and make you clean your room.

Someone from 🇲🇰 has bookmarked:

Living solo: where pants are optional, and snacks are unlimited.

Someone from 🇨🇺 has bookmarked:

Coding: Where incessantly talking to yourself seems completely normal and debugging is like being a detective in a movie where you are both the detective and the perpetrator.

Someone from 🇿🇼 has downloaded:

My bank assures me my money is safe with them, yet they keep their pens chained to desks and most of them are missing.

Someone from 🇸🇲 has shared:

Why don’t straight men and lesbians hang out like straight women and gays do?

Someone from 🇸🇦 has shared:

I thought my mixed signals were perfectly clear.

Someone from 🇦🇪 has copied:

Mothers be doing unnecessary housework and then get mad at you when they’re tired.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

234 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,503

Funny Quotes Topics

17,569

Funny Quotes Images

15,503

Updated

Jan 6, 2026

Users Online

3,545

Social Media Log 💫

Live now on Reddit:

I forgot to turn my clocks back and, oh my God, you guys are not going to believe the stuff that happens in the next hour.

Seen just now on Slack:

Immediately de-escalating an international conflict by posting an angry looking selfie with the caption “Come on, guys.”

Spreading quickly via X:

Coolest part about starting a new job is the immunity to disease you get for 3 months till you get sick days.

Spotted on Pinterest:

We go together like coffee and cigarettes.

Going bananas on Facebook:

Getting an extra 20 minutes in the day when someone cancels a meeting is like finding a penny on the ground. Not gonna use it for anything, but wow, am I excited.

Spotted on Reddit:

What doesn’t kill you gives you a twisted, dark sense of humor.

Seen just now on Facebook:

The dude who invented the autocorrect has died. Restaurant in piece.

Spotted on Telegram:

If I could do it all over again, I would ruin my life differently. I have new ideas.

Making waves on YouTube:

When it gets past my bedtime, I get so scared.

Shared recently on YouTube:

Kinda sucks that the prize for washing your laundry is getting to fold your laundry.

I have no use for mean people. I’ll walk right past you like you’re furniture.

5 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Just got new walking shoes—perfect for dodging human furniture! 🚶‍♀️🛋️😄

attitude, furniture, humor, i, ignore, mean, mean person, past, people, person, right, walk

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

It’s always “your monthly bill is available,” never “this month is on us.”

0

4 months ago

always, available, bill, customer, customer service, expense, finance, humor, month, monthly, monthly bill, never, payment, sarcasm, service, subscription, surprise, us
I would love to go back to the days when the biggest stress was finding the best hiding place when playing hide and seek.

0

2 months ago

activity, back, best, childhood, days, finding, fun, fun activity, hide, hide and seek, hiding, hiding place, i, love, nostalgia, place, playing, seek, simplicity, stress
One day my sanity went out for smokes and never came back.

0

6 months ago

absence, addiction, back, came, day, health, humor, loss, mental, mental health, mind, never, sanity, smoke
Did anyone else use grocery bags as textbook covers, or was I just that poor?

0

2 months ago

anyone, bag, bags, cover, else, grocery, grocery bag, humor, i, just, nostalgia, poor, poverty, school, textbook, textbook cover
Told my boss I was going to the bathroom but didn’t say which one. Now I’m at home.

0

2 months ago

bathroom, boss, going, home, honesty, humor, i, joke, miscommunication, prank, say, told, workplace
Everybody say a little prayer for my husband, he just told me to calm down.

0

2 months ago

advice, calm, communication, humor, husband, just, little, me, prayer, relationship, say, told

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

43 shares on Telegram this month:

Y’all liking my posts feels like a little forehead kiss.

81 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Just saying “Think about it!” is enough to overwhelm many people these days.

23 shares on Snapchat this month:

IKEA is like the Hotel California of furniture stores.

76 shares on Facebook this month:

I need a job with a salary that’ll shock me every month.

13 shares on Pinterest this month:

You see how in cartoons, when they’re hungry, their friends start looking like a chicken leg? That’s how ovulation feels.

72 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I’m having a bad day. Please send super-cute pics of your credit cards to cheer me up.

32 shares on Telegram this month:

‘I have a ripe avocado at home’ is my favorite excuse for cancelling plans.

30 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I followed a diet but it didn’t follow me back, so I unfollowed it.

26 shares on WeChat this month:

By the time my CVS receipt finished printing, I was eligible for another prescription refill.

81 shares on Reddit this month:

Sorry I missed your call. I saw that you were calling and immediately threw my phone into an active volcano.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇵🇹 has downloaded:

Interviewer: “What did you learn from your previous job?” Me: “That I need a new job.”

Someone from 🇻🇳 has viewed:

No place in this world is as dark as my archived chats on WhatsApp.

Someone from 🇧🇸 has copied:

All my passwords are protected, by my poor memory.

Someone from 🇬🇳 has copied:

I’m intermittent fasting, so I have to finish this cake really quick before 6 pm.

Someone from 🇦🇺 has copied:

“Gen Z is having less sex.” It’s always sex, sex, sex with these people.

Someone from 🇧🇧 has shared:

Guess I’ll be getting the same thing for Christmas, again. Fat!

Someone from 🇩🇲 has shared:

Hey, man, we’re worshiping a false god later. If you wanna pull up.

Someone from 🇧🇮 has downloaded:

Shopping is the only exercise I need.

Someone from 🇰🇿 has bookmarked:

I’m in my thirties, but I still feel like I am in my twenties; then I hang out with people in their twenties, and I’m like nope, definitely in my thirties.

Someone from 🇨🇫 has downloaded:

I love how women can go from obsessed to not interested at all when a man makes that one wrong move.

Social Media Log 💫

Spreading quickly via Facebook:

Solitude never hits you with unsolicited opinions.

Seen just now on Twitch:

If you like true crime stories, I highly recommend the history of the Catholic Church.

Making waves on TikTok:

The only downside to dating hot men is that when it ends, he’s still hot.

Broadcasted on TikTok:

“Damn, you’re tight!” I whisper as I look at my monthly budget.

Just landed via TikTok:

If cats could text you back, they wouldn’t.

Seen just now on Pinterest:

I don’t know how to explain it, but sometimes cheese just falls into my cart at the grocery store.

Making waves on Snapchat:

You’re confusing me with someone who cares what you think of me.

Trending via Instagram:

If a beer is 8 bucks, it’s a show. If a beer is 14 bucks, it’s a concert.

Just shared via Snapchat:

Sex is great, but have you ever started slowly picking up speed after sitting in a traffic jam?

Shared recently on X:

You’ll never realize how crazy you really are until you fall in love.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I have no use for mean people. I’ll walk right past you like you’re furniture.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

It’s always “your monthly bill is available,” never “this month is on us.”

I would love to go back to the days when the biggest stress was finding the best hiding place when playing hide and seek.

One day my sanity went out for smokes and never came back.

Did anyone else use grocery bags as textbook covers, or was I just that poor?

Told my boss I was going to the bathroom but didn’t say which one. Now I’m at home.

Everybody say a little prayer for my husband, he just told me to calm down.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨