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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇯🇲 has downloaded:

I would never be comfortable delivering a baby. I can’t even remove an avocado pit without dropping it.

Someone from 🇱🇷 has copied:

Does anyone know if there’s a career in being a piece of shit?

Someone from 🇱🇾 has shared:

Meatloaf is a good safe word. It means I would do anything for love, but I won’t do that…

Someone from 🇩🇰 has bookmarked:

School reunion is a scam… nobody is missing anyone, they just want to know whether you have made it in life or not.

Someone from 🇳🇴 has bookmarked:

My favorite game is guessing if my headache is due to dehydration, migraine, malnutrition, stress, lack of sleep, poor posture, or a brain tumor.

Someone from 🇲🇭 has shared:

Showing up late with an iced coffee is not about poor time management, it’s about knowing how to make an entrance.

Someone from 🇳🇱 has copied:

When the client says: “make it pop”, I have to ask myself whether he means my mind or the project.

Someone from 🇮🇷 has downloaded:

Overheard the most hilarious conversation on my morning commute, then realized it was just me talking to myself in my car.

Someone from 🇬🇲 has viewed:

I need to start hiding my money from myself.

Someone from 🇱🇰 has copied:

Don’t forget to tell yourself more lies today.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

55 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,324

Funny Quotes Topics

17,443

Funny Quotes Images

15,324

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,645

Social Media Log 💫

Live now on LinkedIn:

I belong to the generation that repaired the TV with a single blow to the casing.

Shared recently on Messenger:

People can’t drive you crazy if you don’t give them the keys.

Broadcasted on Slack:

They should invent health insurance that insures your health.

Just landed via X:

If a government has online beef with a pop star, it has already lost.

Spotted on Snapchat:

I still haven’t heard one good argument why I should stop believing in Santa.

Spotted on TikTok:

I’ve faced more peer pressure to watch certain TV shows than to do drugs.

Freshly posted on Instagram:

Female dragonflies will fake their own deaths to avoid mating with unwanted males. They are like, “Ugh, here comes Carl again. Play dead, girl!“

Going bananas on Twitch:

I just read a thing that said I should compliment myself on my decisions, regardless of the outcome. No thanks, I’m not the government.

Just landed via Facebook:

Not photogenic, but I probably look soooo good as a distant memory.

Making waves on Reddit:

Hiring a mortician to do my makeup while I sleep.

I know stretching every day will help me, but I don’t want to do it.

2 hours ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Sounds like my flexibility is about as stubborn as my cat when it’s bath time! 🐱🛁🙆‍♂️

daily, daily routine, day, every, exercise, fitness, help, honesty, i, know, me, motivation, procrastination, routine, self-awareness, stretching, want

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Every Microsoft Teams invite you get lowers your testosterone by 1-2%

0

2 months ago

12, every, humor, invite, meeting, microsoft, productivity, stress, Teams, technology, testosterone, workplace
If he has other girls who make him smile, be different and make him cry.

0

2 months ago

cry, different, girl, humor, love, relationship, smile
“Are you single?” No, I’m in a hallucinationship.

0

2 months ago

dating, hallucinationship, humor, joke, love, relationship, single
To whoever has my voodoo doll, please stop making her go to work.

0

2 months ago

doll, humor, making, request, stop, voodoo, voodoo doll, work
Needing to stretch is so funny. Your body is like “Ughhh, make me longer!”

0

2 months ago

activity, body, humor, longer, me, physical, physical activity, self-care, stretch
People who think they know everything are a great annoyance to those of us who do.

0

2 months ago

annoyance, everything, humor, irony, knowledge, people, sarcasm, self-awareness, wisdom

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

34 shares on Discord this month:

Sparkling water tastes like that feeling when your foot falls asleep.

35 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Relationship tip: Make sure you’re the crazy one.

71 shares on WhatsApp this month:

When the job market is so bad that you’re going to follow your dreams instead.

44 shares on WhatsApp this month:

All dogs go to heaven, but I never see them in church.

63 shares on Pinterest this month:

The more water you drink, the more bathroom breaks, the less you work. Stay hydrated.

32 shares on X this month:

In the 80s, you could literally shrink your kids with a shrink-ray, and your wife wouldn’t divorce you. I’m pretty sure I saw a documentary film about it.

12 shares on Instagram this month:

You think you’re raising your kids right, and then one of them decides to be a fan of your football team’s arch rival.

19 shares on Snapchat this month:

Telling my guitar to “stay tuned”.

29 shares on Discord this month:

I can’t wait for my mom to come to my new house so she can tell me how I organized the kitchen wrong.

55 shares on Messenger this month:

I told a joke during a Zoom meeting today. Nobody laughed. It turns out I’m not even remotely funny.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇬 has shared:

After all the books are banned, they’ll move on to suggestive fruit.

Someone from 🇹🇭 has bookmarked:

Every girl’s personal hell is being too excited about their birthday and it ends up being the worst day ever.

Someone from 🇪🇬 has viewed:

Sleeping in in winter is really great, you still have about an hour of daylight left before it gets dark again.

Someone from 🇸🇮 has copied:

First time buying fireworks, and I wasn’t sure I’d picked the right ones until the salesman gave me a wink and high-foured me.

Someone from 🇨🇲 has bookmarked:

The sexual tension between my tendency to do something stupid and my resolve not to.

Someone from 🇮🇳 has viewed:

Due to inflation, a picture is now worth 2300 words.

Someone from 🇬🇷 has downloaded:

Can someone please help me, I’m still at the Fyre Festival.

Someone from 🇪🇸 has bookmarked:

Who called it a shopaholic and not a boughtanist?

Someone from 🇲🇲 has bookmarked:

Stop rushing in the morning. You’re starting your day in panic mode.

Someone from 🇺🇸 has downloaded:

Don’t you hate it when you lose things? Like the motivation to do anything.

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Reddit:

If by ‘leg day’ you mean a day that we put your legs on my shoulders, then yes, I love leg day.

Live now on Reddit:

The masculine urge to make a woman sit through a YouTube video that she will not find funny or entertaining.

Going viral on Threads:

Call me dramatic, but I think I deserve a love confession in the rain.

Spreading quickly via Threads:

I hate it when someone asks me what I did yesterday. I don’t know. Breathed a lot, probably got mad at something … sighed heavily. The list goes on.

Shared recently on TikTok:

Don’t be sad, laundry, nobody’s doing me either.

Making waves on Discord:

All day I think about sleep but when it’s time to go to bed I don’t wanna.

Trending via TikTok:

Biting the heads off all these gingerbread men if you wanna swing by.

Making waves on Messenger:

You know shit’s about to get real when I put on yoga pants before dessert.

Just landed via Facebook:

A moment of silence for those who hate us but can’t unfriend us because they’re afraid of not knowing what’s happening in our lives.

Just shared via X:

Twitter is the only place you argue with CEOs and heads of states while sleeping in the kitchen.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I know stretching every day will help me, but I don’t want to do it.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

Every Microsoft Teams invite you get lowers your testosterone by 1-2%

If he has other girls who make him smile, be different and make him cry.

“Are you single?” No, I’m in a hallucinationship.

To whoever has my voodoo doll, please stop making her go to work.

Needing to stretch is so funny. Your body is like “Ughhh, make me longer!”

People who think they know everything are a great annoyance to those of us who do.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨