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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇻🇪 has bookmarked:

I need a job where I don’t actually have to work.

Someone from 🇩🇯 has shared:

We should thank heaven for nipples. Without them boobs would be pointless.

Someone from 🇧🇧 has downloaded:

One sec, lemme just find the off switch for my brain.

Someone from 🇧🇭 has copied:

Hey man, just wanted to reach out and say I loved how much you drank at my wedding last night.

Someone from 🇻🇺 has downloaded:

Dear unsuccessful applicant, we ultimately decided to split the role between existing staff without paying any of them extra.

Someone from 🇻🇪 has shared:

Nobody warns you of the devastation two days of stuffing will bring upon your digestive system.

Someone from 🇾🇪 has downloaded:

Just a reminder that with Die Hard, Robin Hood and Love Actually, ‘Alan Rickman ruins Christmas’ is a whole movie subgenre.

Someone from 🇬🇾 has downloaded:

A real smart TV would increase the volume when you start eating chips.

Someone from 🇵🇹 has downloaded:

Sometimes it’s not a secret, it’s just none of your business.

Someone from 🇬🇹 has bookmarked:

Why do flat earthers care so much? Like, what if the Earth is flat. What now?

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Funny Quotes Total

15,752

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17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Updated

Jan 20, 2026

Users Online

3,260

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Reddit:

Science has enough bodies, I’m donating mine to English lit just to spice things up a bit.

Going bananas on TikTok:

OnlyFans, but it’s elderly women teaching you how to sew, knit, can food, quilt, and some solid recipes. OnlyGrans.

Just shared via Threads:

According to this box of macaroni and cheese, I am an entire family.

Seen just now on Threads:

Driving home, listening to Gangsta’s Paradise, with my hands at 10 and 2.

Trending via Facebook:

Cigarettes are a better networking tool than LinkedIn could ever dream of being.

Spreading quickly via LinkedIn:

When your kid asks you where the other parent is, they’re really saying that they’d like to speak with the manager.

Spreading quickly via WeChat:

People that never want to leave the house unite! Separately at our own homes.

Going viral on Telegram:

Sorry I missed your call, I was staring in horror at the screen, wondering why on earth you couldn’t just text me.

Broadcasted on Telegram:

Sometimes it feels better not to talk. At all. About anything. To anyone.

Spotted on LinkedIn:

Big fan of calling artists their first name and then the band name as their last name.

I make sure to post my political opinions after my selfies have gone viral to cull the herd.

2 months ago

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Using viral selfies as bait before dropping a political plot twist—who knew selfies could double as debate tickets? 📸🎣😂

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Social Media Stars ⭐

93 shares on TikTok this month:

Age ceases to be just a number everytime the airline announces seating queue priority.

48 shares on Telegram this month:

I was actually about to do a workout when the couch threw itself protectively under me.

63 shares on Reddit this month:

I hate to brag, but I’ve been the biggest mistake of numerous people’s lives.

20 shares on YouTube this month:

I have this ability where I can look at someone’s profile picture and determine whether they are evil or not.

40 shares on Telegram this month:

I hate it when I go to hug someone sexy and hit my head on the mirror.

51 shares on Twitch this month:

I miss being the age where the most devastating thing in the world was when my sandwiches got cut into squares instead of triangles.

76 shares on TikTok this month:

Why do women complain about size but moan when fingered?

51 shares on LinkedIn this month:

It’s not a Sunday unless you completely waste it and then feel sad around 8 p.m.

71 shares on WeChat this month:

I miss my bed. Why does it have to be so far from where I work?

27 shares on Pinterest this month:

Everything I like is either expensive, illegal, or wont text me back.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇳🇷 has copied:

Sorry, I wasn’t really listening but that’s awesome, unless it isn’t of course.

Someone from 🇦🇩 has copied:

This December is not Decembering like the other Decembers Decembered.

Someone from 🇲🇪 has viewed:

I’m never more unattractive than when a bee flies in my face.

Someone from 🇲🇹 has downloaded:

By age 40, you should have an entire wardrobe of clothes—one size too small—that you keep in eternal optimism that you’ll fit in them again one day.

Someone from 🇨🇷 has shared:

Everyone has these three colleagues: The one who is always cold. The one who is always hungry. The one who is always tired. I am everything in one.

Someone from 🇷🇼 has copied:

My therapist said cutting people off isn’t healthy. She’s next.

Someone from 🇹🇲 has copied:

To horses, hay is considered both a bed and breakfast.

Someone from 🇲🇨 has viewed:

I’m begging for a day to be added in between Saturday and Sunday.

Someone from 🇮🇪 has copied:

Sometimes I feel useless but then I remember I breath out carbon dioxide for plants.

Someone from 🇵🇰 has viewed:

The USA is having so many disasters and tragedies, you’d almost think it was built on thousands of ancient Indian burial grounds.

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via Threads:

Thank you two-step authentication codes that expire after 60 seconds for providing Mission Impossible-type drama into my mundane suburban existence.

Spotted on Reddit:

I fall in love with a song and play it until I absolutely don’t wanna hear it no more.

Broadcasted on YouTube:

“I’m depressed because there’s not enough cheese in this world to satisfy my hunger for it.”

Freshly posted on Facebook:

I would never be comfortable delivering a baby. I can’t even remove an avocado pit without dropping it.

Making waves on Instagram:

I think I look pretty okay for my age. It’s just when I hold menus two feet from my face that I know the ruse is up.

Spotted on Messenger:

Hosting Thanksgiving? Bring up politics so everyone will leave early.

Just landed via Pinterest:

Sometimes I wonder what happened to the people who asked me for directions.

Making waves on X:

You can’t convince me that 2020 didn’t open a portal to hell that we’re still living in.

Broadcasted on LinkedIn:

Getting road rage alone in my house.

Just shared via Instagram:

If you know karate, you shouldn’t have to pay for stuff.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I make sure to post my political opinions after my selfies have gone viral to cull the herd.

Black Friday used to have heart. I wanna see someone get clocked for a Wii.

Don’t buy roses for her, buy chicken nuggets. Show her you really care.

If all men are the same, why does it take women so long to choose one?

Every night at bedtime I do one small ritual: six hours on my cell phone.

My neighbors listen to really good music, whether they like it or not.

Bottle of Worcestershire sauce tipped over in my fridge. The mess is unpronounceable.

Social Media Stars ⭐

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Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I make sure to post my political opinions after my selfies have gone viral to cull the herd.

Keep the laugh going 😂

Black Friday used to have heart. I wanna see someone get clocked for a Wii.

Don’t buy roses for her, buy chicken nuggets. Show her you really care.

If all men are the same, why does it take women so long to choose one?

Every night at bedtime I do one small ritual: six hours on my cell phone.

My neighbors listen to really good music, whether they like it or not.

Bottle of Worcestershire sauce tipped over in my fridge. The mess is unpronounceable.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨