I need you to think about me 23/7. You get 1 hour a day for yourself.

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If you turn your phone upside down, the stock market is actually doing quite well.

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Sneaking up behind people and marrying them.

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Alcohol: When you want to run away from your problems without moving.

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I respect perfume commercials being like we can’t show you a smell mind if we just go insane for 30 seconds.

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Forrest Gump is a haunting film about how long you have to wait for a bus in America.

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I’m bringing back “holy moly” and nobody can stop me.

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Went outside. Touched grass. Got bit by bugs. Zero stars.

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Life hack: give yourself 8 to 12 hours of alone time in the morning to mentally prepare for the day.

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A spoonful of peanut butter from the jar will fix me.

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I don’t think I’ve ever made the right amount of pasta.