Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇩 has copied:

Welcome to your 40s, where the hair shows up uninvited and looks pissed to be here.

Someone from 🇯🇴 has viewed:

Please be delicate with me, I’m built like a Nature Valley bar.

Someone from 🇧🇹 has copied:

My life advice is always the same. Wait for karma, but take up kickboxing, just in case.

Someone from 🇬🇪 has bookmarked:

Being single only sucks when you’re a little drunk and really want to flirt.

Someone from 🇨🇱 has viewed:

I put my pants on just like everybody else: when the police tell me to.

Someone from 🇹🇱 has downloaded:

I hope my parents feel proud. They scared me so bad about getting pregnant as a teenager that now they’re never getting grandkids.

Someone from 🇭🇳 has copied:

All income is disposable if you’re brave enough.

Someone from 🇦🇺 has shared:

I could tell my beard needed a trim when I started seeing some of the pictures my kids were drawing of me.

Someone from 🇧🇴 has shared:

The answer is always no, I did not get enough sleep.

Someone from 🇮🇹 has downloaded:

I wonder how many people think, “What the hell?” after talking to me.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

236 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,505

Funny Quotes Topics

17,570

Funny Quotes Images

15,505

Updated

Jan 6, 2026

Users Online

3,674

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on TikTok:

I think probably the reason some people look better at 30 than at 20 is because they’re wealthier.

Making waves on Slack:

Not to brag, but I ate all of my bananas before they turned brown. Don’t be jealous.

Broadcasted on Slack:

My fridge turns into a food retirement home, as soon as I buy groceries.

Spreading quickly via TikTok:

The more stupid the views, the harder it is to talk people out of them.

Spotted on Snapchat:

Glad to be born at a time when I got to see what life was like before the internet, and will be dead before AI completely destroys humanity.

Freshly posted on TikTok:

My doctor told me to try a milk bath. Adding the Cinnamon Toast Crunch was my idea.

Spreading quickly via Messenger:

My wife had a dream that I have a secret second wife named Linda. Now, when she’s mad at me, I just say, “Linda wouldn’t get mad about that.”

Shared recently on Twitch:

Would have started saving money in kindergarten if I knew my life was like this.

Making waves on Messenger:

I got my patience from waiting half the day to download a song from Limewire.

Making waves on Instagram:

I believe that emails are trying to tell us something.

I see posts like, “If food is too expensive, just grow your own.” Okay, Einstein, why didn’t I think of that?

5 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Sounds like the only thing I'm growing is my grocery bill! 🌱💸🤔

advice, expense, expensive, food, frustration, gardening, grow, humor, i, just, okay, own, posts, sarcasm, think, too, why

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them.

0

2 months ago

childhood, family, found, humor, joke, kid, moved, nostalgia, parent, parents
I think some of you are faking your sarcasms.

0

2 months ago

faking, humor, i, sarcasm, think
There are three certainties in life: death, taxes and getting stuck behind a shit driver when you’re late.

0

2 months ago

certainty, death, delay, driver, frustration, getting, humor, late, life, shit, tax, traffic
They should invent a DoorDash but for a kiss goodnight and getting tucked in.

0

3 months ago

affection, bedtime, comfort, delivery, DoorDash, getting, goodnight, humor, invent, kiss, kiss goodnight, relationship, should, tuck, tuck in
I just need to lie down for a couple of years.

0

2 months ago

couple, exhaustion, humor, i, just, lie, lie down, need, procrastination, rest, year’s
Humans are the only species that would cut down trees, make paper out of them, and then write “Save the Trees” on it.

0

2 months ago

conservation, cut, ecological, environment, humans, humor, irony, nature, only, paper, paradox, sarcasm, save, trees

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

59 shares on WeChat this month:

Watching true crime documentaries so I can learn from their mistakes.

16 shares on WhatsApp this month:

“I’m at a point in my life where I don’t go anywhere unless I absolutely have to.”

16 shares on X this month:

Some hoodies don’t hoodie the way other hoodies hoodie.

19 shares on Discord this month:

Spotify Wrapped has a special talent for pulling up an artist I’ve literally never heard of and telling me I actually listen to them 2,000 times per day.

93 shares on Slack this month:

Women know the exact weight of their children and their age in days. Men just know that little people live with them.

30 shares on X this month:

Toast doesn’t talk. How do you know it’s French?

39 shares on Threads this month:

Don’t judge me. I was born to be awesome, not perfect.

41 shares on YouTube this month:

Why do babies stare at you like they know you from somewhere?

83 shares on Twitch this month:

Hey (with the intention of going to sleep).

88 shares on YouTube this month:

Look, babe, I’m sorry. If your fake British accent keeps being this geographically inconsistent, I’m going to have to cancel the medieval roleplay sex.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇳🇴 has downloaded:

Hear me out, a Q-Tip that doesn’t bounce out the trash can when you throw it away.

Someone from 🇨🇲 has bookmarked:

She poured the milk before the cereal. It was not meant to be.

Someone from 🇸🇬 has copied:

Imagine being a dinosaur. No work or bills. No drama. Just extinct.

Someone from 🇧🇯 has copied:

The billionaires have decided that the people with nothing have too much.

Someone from 🇱🇾 has viewed:

Sorry, I had to cancel plans. The prophecy said so.

Someone from 🇯🇲 has downloaded:

Good morning to everyone except those who need approval from strangers on the internet.

Someone from 🇲🇽 has bookmarked:

I love hard, but I stupid harder.

Someone from 🇱🇨 has downloaded:

But if I get tinted windows, how will people see me flipping them off?

Someone from 🇲🇱 has viewed:

Bought an eggplant, imma grow my own eggs.

Someone from 🇨🇩 has viewed:

I just need to get over everything that has happened to me in my entire life and then we can hang out.

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Threads:

Whole crypto scheme is built on people too dumb for crypto that aren’t self-aware enough to realize it.

Spotted on Slack:

We have now entered the void (25th December to 31st December).

Making waves on TikTok:

I think my bank account has been taking Ozempic.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

You give my middle finger an erection.

Shared recently on Instagram:

I’m one group chat away from vanishing into the woods to befriend forest creatures.

Live now on Facebook:

Getting excited to go to bed is a different level of adulting.

Live now on YouTube:

I have a date and nothing to wear. Or as Nietzsche said: If you stare into a closet long enough, the closet stares back at you.

Broadcasted on Instagram:

Save tons of money on a weighted blanket by sleeping under the mattress.

Breaking via WhatsApp:

Carrying a baby for nine months and then naming it Chet is insane.

Just shared via TikTok:

Telling my boss I wasn’t drunk really backfired. I probably should have waited until he asked.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I see posts like, “If food is too expensive, just grow your own.” Okay, Einstein, why didn’t I think of that?

Related Funny Posts 🤝

When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them.

I think some of you are faking your sarcasms.

There are three certainties in life: death, taxes and getting stuck behind a shit driver when you’re late.

They should invent a DoorDash but for a kiss goodnight and getting tucked in.

I just need to lie down for a couple of years.

Humans are the only species that would cut down trees, make paper out of them, and then write “Save the Trees” on it.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨