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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇮🇪 has viewed:

Ever feel like you’re adulting, but only on the outside? Inside, you’re just a kid hoping someone else will make dinner.

Someone from 🇷🇺 has downloaded:

My mother still has some really ugly things from the 90s. My older brother, for example.

Someone from 🇰🇪 has copied:

If you see me out running, you should run too, because something is definitely chasing me.

Someone from 🇵🇰 has copied:

The dragon with the girl tattoo.

Someone from 🇨🇷 has downloaded:

The volume of my TV is 100% dependent on what I’m currently chewing on.

Someone from 🇨🇾 has shared:

I am writing a book about reverse psychology. Please don’t buy it.

Someone from 🇧🇫 has bookmarked:

I’m sorry that I’m canceling plans. I made them last week when I assumed that, by now, I’d be a different person.

Someone from 🇹🇯 has downloaded:

I had too much to think last night.

Someone from 🇬🇭 has bookmarked:

I get it, sauce, I also thicken over time.

Someone from 🇮🇩 has copied:

Getting left on read really gives me perspective on what Nigerian princes go through.

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Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Updated

Jan 20, 2026

Users Online

3,420

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Pinterest:

Most attractive muscle on a man? The frontal lobe. Fully developed.

Seen just now on Slack:

If you step on the back of my shoe and it comes off, I will do the same thing to your head.

Making waves on Snapchat:

Hanging out with a couple and saying, “May this love never find me,” every time there’s a slight conflict.

Seen just now on Slack:

My brain has too many tabs open and one of them is playing music I can’t find.

Trending via TikTok:

Asking for a donation like Wikipedia every time someone asks me a question.

Spotted on YouTube:

Fruit and vegetables expire faster when you’re the one paying for them.

Freshly posted on Slack:

Prophecy class has been cancelled due to unforeseen circumstances.

Seen just now on Messenger:

Your phone is a casino designed to steal your time.

Shared recently on Pinterest:

Having a horse run off on you in medieval times must have been crazy. Imagine if your car got scared and ran away, and you found it a day later by itself at a gas station.

Making waves on TikTok:

Tryna choke on gummy bears so my tombstone can read ‘killed by a bear’

I should have peed before I left, and other things I’ll never learn: A memoir

2 months ago

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Commentary:
"Ah, the true 'tinkle of regret'—a bestseller on my life shelf! 🚽📚😂"

before, daily, daily life, embarrassment, humor, humorous, humorous reflection, i, learn, left, lesson, life, life lesson, memoir, never, procrastination, reflection, should, things

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86 shares on Instagram this month:

I’m not fat. I just eat in advance.

70 shares on Snapchat this month:

Trying to make sense of other people’s actions will drive you to insanity.

84 shares on Discord this month:

He said he thinks I’m resilient to everything, so I thanked him, but on second thought, he may have low key called me a cockroach.

18 shares on YouTube this month:

Therapy isn’t enough. I need to run my brain through the dishwasher.

30 shares on Snapchat this month:

My phone just filmed a 2 hour documentary about life inside my purse.

39 shares on YouTube this month:

My mouth moves faster than my survival instincts.

75 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Before marriage, I would sit at a stoplight for hours because I had no one to tell me the light had changed to green.

46 shares on Pinterest this month:

How come all the single people don’t need no one, and all the married ones need two?

74 shares on Reddit this month:

Have your guardian angel call my guardian angel.

75 shares on Reddit this month:

Sorry, can’t. I’m too busy growing new neural pathways to make space for a stranger’s opinion. Evolution takes bandwidth, man.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇵🇼 has copied:

I only went to medical school to figure out where your arms are supposed to go when you sleep and they didn’t even teach us that.

Someone from 🇲🇹 has shared:

I cannot hear a word you are saying if your hoodie strings are uneven.

Someone from 🇸🇪 has viewed:

Phew, I thought the weather was broken because there was this weird yellow thing in the sky. But all’s well, it’s raining again.

Someone from 🇼🇸 has copied:

Autocorrect is like a tiny person inside your phone that sometimes gets drunk and says the dumbest things.

Someone from 🇹🇴 has bookmarked:

They’re uploading my consciousness into a disposable vape.

Someone from 🇨🇩 has downloaded:

I don’t know who needs to hear this but you’re not dying, it’s just Monday.

Someone from 🇹🇲 has downloaded:

Honestly, I don’t even play an active role in my life any more. Things just happen and I’m like “I guess this is what we’re doing now.”

Someone from 🇬🇦 has downloaded:

I would prefer not to.

Someone from 🇦🇷 has copied:

I’m already cold. I know me and my low iron ain’t gonna survive winter.

Someone from 🇯🇴 has copied:

Naked and Afraid because there’s a spider in the shower with me.

Social Media Log 💫

Spreading quickly via WeChat:

If I had The Force, I’d just use it to open pistachios.

Going viral on Snapchat:

Forgetting to put jewelry and perfume on is literally the worst feeling.

Just shared via YouTube:

The more I use social media, the more I see why children shouldn’t.

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I should have peed before I left, and other things I’ll never learn: A memoir

If you’re lost in the woods, start talking loudly about politics. Someone will come to argue with you.

No, I mean, it’s great toast. I just didn’t expect it to be French.

Is it smoky eye or were you wearing mascara and your eyes got itchy?

Roses are red, violets are blue, sunflowers are yellow. I bet you were expecting something romantic, but no, this is just gardening facts.

I’m so single. When they ask me for an emergency contact, I put the neighbor’s dog.

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Wordgag ツ

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I should have peed before I left, and other things I’ll never learn: A memoir

Keep the laugh going 😂

If you’re lost in the woods, start talking loudly about politics. Someone will come to argue with you.

No, I mean, it’s great toast. I just didn’t expect it to be French.

Is it smoky eye or were you wearing mascara and your eyes got itchy?

I’m gonna turn all this pain into something beautiful, like a tweet or a close friends story.

Roses are red, violets are blue, sunflowers are yellow. I bet you were expecting something romantic, but no, this is just gardening facts.

I’m so single. When they ask me for an emergency contact, I put the neighbor’s dog.

Social Media Stars ⭐

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