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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from has viewed:

I think airplanes would be way cooler if the wings flapped like a bird.

Someone from has viewed:

I really feel like we need to have more fun in life, because literally nothing matters.

Someone from has shared:

I’m far too underqualified for adult life, and I feel like I was promoted to manager far too quickly.

Someone from has viewed:

When you’re young, weekends are for fun. When you’re older, they’re for recovery.

Someone from has bookmarked:

You gotta separate the art from the artist. Like, for example, sometimes the artist is really nice but their art sucks.

Someone from has copied:

I hope we’re good friends until we die, then I hope we can stay ghost friends, walk through walls and scare people.

Someone from has downloaded:

With certain people, you get nauseous just hearing their name.

Someone from has downloaded:

If you tell me to make myself at home, I’m going to ask you to leave.

Someone from has copied:

Gnocchi: The small, chubby children of spaghetti and potatoes.

Someone from has bookmarked:

I’m now at the age where happy hour is a nap.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

1739 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

11,901

Funny Quotes Topics

14,719

Funny Quotes Images

11,901

Updated

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Users Online

3,439

Social Media Log 💫

Reported on Reddit:

My neighbor said he heard me having sex today but it was just me standing in front of my air conditioner.

Reported on YouTube:

Difference between a flirt and harassment: if you are handsome, it’s a flirt, if you are ugly, it’s harassment.

Shared recently on Facebook:

Grammar is the difference between knowing your shit and knowing you’re shit.

Spotted on Instagram:

Just know that somebody out there is thinking of you, and you should really lock your doors.

Trending via Discord:

Beginning to understand why deer throw themselves in front of cars.

Just landed via X:

I’m not saying I’m messy, but if Copperfield knew what I can make disappear, he’d be jealous.

Shared recently on Telegram:

I failed as a person; I’m a dinosaur now.

Freshly posted on Facebook:

Why can’t my fat leave me like everything else does?

Just shared via Snapchat:

Welcome to social media. A person who does not understand humor will contact you shortly.

Just landed via Facebook:

I’ve deleted enough tweets to know that I should never get a tattoo.

I spend half the day wondering if it’s too late for coffee and the other half wondering if it’s too early for alcohol.

6 months ago

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Commentary:
"Ah, the eternal struggle between needing caffeine to function and wanting alcohol to forget you need caffeine. It's a delicate balance of timing and priorities ☕🍷 #DecisionsDecisions"

afternoon, alcohol, beverage, coffee, day, decision, dilemma, early, half, humor, i, late, morning, procrastination, spend, time, too, wondering

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Activity Log ✨

Someone from has downloaded:

My husband sure has a lot of opinions on which movie he’s gonna sleep through.

Someone from has copied:

I’ll kill the vibe, so you don’t have to.

Someone from has downloaded:

I just want to be treated like a hot little French fry.

Someone from has copied:

I love reaching into my messy bag looking for something and everyone around me hears like glass breaking and bombs going off and a cat meowing from inside there.

Someone from has bookmarked:

One thing about me is I don’t even need to get drunk to act a fool.

Someone from has copied:

I hope you celebrate your birthday like your birth – naked and screaming.

Someone from has downloaded:

Your pronouns are “side/chick”.

Someone from has downloaded:

I should have been a Librarian, my favorite thing to do is telling people to shut up.

Someone from has bookmarked:

Partying hard on this Friday night, and by partying hard, I mean laying on my bed starfish-style.

Someone from has viewed:

You know you’re the father of teen boys when a shoe print on the ceiling no longer fazes you.

Social Media Log 💫

Spreading quickly via WhatsApp:

Dating for love isn’t working. Now I’m dating to conduct psychological experiments and collect data.

Shared recently on Slack:

If you make it through life without being portrayed in a murder documentary, take the win.

Trending via TikTok:

I just tried on my summer wardrobe. The only thing I managed to get into was a state of panic.

Seen just now on Pinterest:

I hate the saying: “Get up, the sun is shining!” What am I supposed to do? Photosynthesis?

Seen just now on YouTube:

The laundromat should give you XP and ranks like “Slimelord” and “Glunkfather,” based on how dirty your clothes are.

Live now on YouTube:

Next time I feel butterflies, I’m chugging down a bottle of tequila so they drown.

Just landed via Reddit:

Roman soldiers are all like “I’m going to fight you in this short yet tasteful leather skirt.”

Going viral on Threads:

Super excited about a brand new day of ignoring my problems.

Just landed via X:

The word Ohio looks like a tractor.

Freshly posted on Reddit:

Every day, a new coworker asks if you’ve used ChatGPT, and the conversation doesn’t end if you say “No.”

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

While a leaf blower is a close second, my preferred cleaner is a flamethrower.

If you compliment me, my glasses fog up.

I try to contain my craziness, but the lid keeps popping off.

Automated phone system: To speak to a representative, please enter the first twelve digits of pi.

My grandfather tried to warn them about the Titanic. He screamed and shouted about the iceberg and how the ship was going to sink, but all they did was throw him out of the theater.

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Of course I do cardio. It’s called running from my problems.

It’s so important to warm up before any physical activity, like getting out of bed.

Sex is cool but have you ever had a king size bed all to yourself.

Sorry, can’t. The pears I bought a couple days ago have ripened.

Why is it called the Super Bowl if no one is bowling?

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

I told my suitcase we wouldn’t be going on vacation this year; now it’s dead inside and I’m left with emotional baggage.

Happy birthday to everyone, for the rest of your lives. I can’t do this anymore.

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

You know what goes great with helping your kid with math homework? Vodka!

Too poor for Ozempic but too undisciplined for strict diet and exercise. Is there a secret third option?

Toast doesn’t talk. How do you know it’s French?

I don’t always clear my calculator, but when I do, I hit both C and CE a bunch of times because I don’t know exactly what they do.

This can’t be the same body that used to be able to stay up all night.

Activity Log ✨

I spend half the day wondering if it’s too late for coffee and the other half wondering if it’s too early for alcohol.

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