Wordgag ツ

Commentary:
"Who knew the mothership had such strict house rules? 👽🚀 At least those aliens have good hygiene standards! Maybe next time they'll abduct you for a playdate?! 🪐🌌"

abduction, alien, aliens, chores, clean, cleaning, eat, hands, humor, hygiene, i, me, mothership, parenting, room, vegetables, wash

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

When I learned the word “literally,” that was the beginning of the end.

0

4 months ago

beginning, end, expression, humor, i, irony, language, learned, learning, literally, word
Sometimes I think I’m too old to make a career change. But then I remember how Walter White went from high school teacher to drug kingpin. Anything is possible!

0

2 months ago

age, career, career change, change, drug, drug kingpin, high, high school teacher, humor, i, inspiration, kingpin, old, possibility, remember, school, teacher, think, too, walter, Walter White, white
Always tell people different stories about yourself, so when they talk about you, they’ll argue.

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2 months ago

always, argue, different, humor, people, self, story, talk, tell, yourself
If I’ve offended you with my posts, I humbly apologize, I honestly did not think you could read.

0

2 months ago

apologize, apology, honesty, humor, i, media, offended, posts, read, sarcasm, social, social media, think
My dream is being pitted against the world’s greatest AI in a writing contest and crafting a story that’s so beautiful that I make the computer cry.

0

2 months ago

AI, beautiful, beauty, being, competition, computer, contest, crafting, creativity, cry, dream, emotion, humor, i, story, writing, writing contest
I’m old enough to remember when rainbows were in black and white.

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2 months ago

black, black and white, enough, humor, memory, nostalgia, old, rainbow, remember, white

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

54 shares on TikTok this month:

At some point, my colleagues will manage to get me my own true crime documentary on Netflix.

86 shares on TikTok this month:

I always carry a knife with me in case I run into someone with 10,000 spoons.

29 shares on LinkedIn this month:

People say, “Listen to your heart, do the right thing,” like they are the same things.

68 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I was neglecting my root chakra at the time, your honor.

37 shares on Facebook this month:

Auto-correct and I are in a toxic relationship.

89 shares on Instagram this month:

Sorry I’m late, I got here as soon as I wanted to.

34 shares on Telegram this month:

I think the bowl of ice cream I ate earlier gave me a stomach ache, so I ate a another bowl to make sure.

97 shares on TikTok this month:

I love people who are fluent in Spongebob references.

84 shares on Twitch this month:

Walmart was wild as hell today, so I fit right in.

25 shares on Threads this month:

I hate when people say “It could be worse” because it could be better, too.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇬 has bookmarked:

If I had known I looked this sexy in glasses, I would’ve stopped being able to see a long time ago.

Someone from 🇼🇸 has shared:

“Left alone” would have been the right answer as a child to the question of what I wanted to be when I grew up.

Someone from 🇹🇳 has downloaded:

According to the smoke alarm, the food is ready.

Someone from 🇦🇫 has shared:

Lord of the Rings is a story about a brave little Hobbit on a mission to destroy a ring and save the world, and his annoying friend Frodo.

Someone from 🇹🇯 has downloaded:

Presumably, if you had a time machine, you could just kill young adult Hitler. The baby part seems gratuitous.

Someone from 🇱🇦 has viewed:

Women swear they be broke… Then, all of a sudden, here comes that Shein delivery.

Someone from 🇪🇬 has bookmarked:

At least 80% of my day is spent holding back my inappropriate thoughts.

Someone from 🇹🇿 has copied:

“Stop talking about old drama!” God forbid a girl and her bestie enjoy their history lessons.

Someone from 🇲🇲 has downloaded:

That’s not fat. It’s bonus content.

Someone from 🇳🇷 has downloaded:

Shall I cook, clean, or do the grocery shopping? Okay, reading it is.

Social Media Log 💫

Live now on WhatsApp:

I haven’t broken a mirror lately, but my water broke and I’ve had seven years of kids crawling into my bed.

Trending via Twitch:

Who called them cat allergies and not meowlergies?

Spotted on Telegram:

The greatest trick the devil ever pulled was making all of the food that is unhealthy for you taste so good.

Going bananas on Reddit:

I’m brave but not “order something different from the restaurant menu” kind of brave.

Seen just now on Threads:

Is it socially acceptable to wear pajamas all day if you’re constantly holding a coffee cup?

Live now on Twitch:

Asserting dominance by starting all my private DMs with “I hope this DM finds you well.

Trending via Twitch:

I’m gonna build a pirate ship and sail the high seas. Who’s coming with?

Trending via Messenger:

I tiptoe near my medicine cabinet because I don’t want to wake my sleeping pills.

Going bananas on Facebook:

I think they’ve made more Kung-Fu Panda movies in the last 20 years than they’ve made actual pandas.

Live now on Threads:

And to my children, I leave 127 open tabs on Safari.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I was abducted by aliens. They made me wash my hands, clean my room, and eat my vegetables. Turns out I was on the mothership.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

When I learned the word “literally,” that was the beginning of the end.

Sometimes I think I’m too old to make a career change. But then I remember how Walter White went from high school teacher to drug kingpin. Anything is possible!

Always tell people different stories about yourself, so when they talk about you, they’ll argue.

If I’ve offended you with my posts, I humbly apologize, I honestly did not think you could read.

My dream is being pitted against the world’s greatest AI in a writing contest and crafting a story that’s so beautiful that I make the computer cry.

I’m old enough to remember when rainbows were in black and white.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨