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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log โœจ

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡พ๐Ÿ‡ช has downloaded:

I know I seem a little crazy sometimes, but thatโ€™s because I AM.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฌ๐Ÿ‡ฒ has viewed:

Please donโ€™t interrupt me when Iโ€™m trying to overhear something.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฐ๐Ÿ‡ช has downloaded:

Looks like itโ€™s just you and me tonight, family size Toblerone.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ช๐Ÿ‡ช has downloaded:

No longer chasing dreams. If they want me, they know where I nap.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡จ๐Ÿ‡ฌ has shared:

My favorite part of Spring is its rolls.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ต๐Ÿ‡ฌ has bookmarked:

I only have one wish in lifeโ€ฆ For all my dreams to come true.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ง๐Ÿ‡พ has viewed:

You could go camping or you could stay at home, not shower, leave dirt on the floor and let some squirrels in.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ณ๐Ÿ‡ช has shared:

One downside of marrying a doctor is you have to give up eating apples.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡จ๐Ÿ‡ฟ has bookmarked:

I’m sorry for inventing the universe.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ญ๐Ÿ‡ณ has downloaded:

Does bisexual mean twice as sexual or once every other sexual?

Funny Quotes Data ๐Ÿค“

New Funny Quotes

2426 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

12,588

Funny Quotes Topics

15,259

Funny Quotes Images

12,588

Updated

52 minutes ago

Users Online

3,455

Social Media Log ๐Ÿ’ซ

Freshly posted on X:

There should be a special rating system for movies that tells you how uncomfortable youโ€™ll be if you watch them with your parents.

Just landed via WhatsApp:

Hello, my voicemail is currently unavailable. To leave a message please speak slowly and clearly into the nearest toaster.

Seen just now on Pinterest:

Whoever’s been in charge of the weather for the last few weeks seems to have fallen asleep on the couch with the remote control in their hand.

Reported on WeChat:

I haven’t tried Yoga, but I bent over to pick up my keys off the floor, so I’m sure I wouldn’t like Yoga.

Just landed via LinkedIn:

Can we take a moment to celebrate the little ride we get in the pneumatic chair at the hair salon or barber when they pump it up or down?

Shared recently on Facebook:

Jury duty is a wild concept. Whenever the government wants, they can just be like “Call off work, bestie, we need you to solve a murder. Here’s fifteen dollars.”

Freshly posted on Discord:

I love to sleep, I wish I could get paid to sleep.

Going viral on Reddit:

Life would be so much easier if the nose of people who lie all the time did actually grow longer like Pinocchio’s.

Freshly posted on Slack:

Everyone’s an expert after the fact.

Just landed via Messenger:

They say we learn from our mistakes, that’s why I’m making as many as possible. Soon I’ll be a genius.

I wonder what other animals we tried to ride before discovering that horses were cool with it.

I wonder what other animals we tried to ride before discovering that horses were cool with it.
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Commentary:
๐Ÿ’๐Ÿฆ˜ "Probably found out the hard way that kangaroos give you a bouncier ride than you'd like. ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿค•"

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Funny Quotes Data ๐Ÿค“

New Funny Quotes

2426 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

12,588

Funny Quotes Topics

15,259

Funny Quotes Images

12,588

Updated

52 minutes ago

Users Online

3,463

Funny Quotes of the Month ๐Ÿš€

Funny Quotes of the Year โญ

Activity Log โœจ

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ญ๐Ÿ‡น has bookmarked:

I just canโ€™t watch football, thereโ€™s too much โ€œpenetration in the backfieldโ€ for me to not giggle like an immature maniac.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฑ๐Ÿ‡ธ has bookmarked:

Today, I noticed that the cover of my ironing board was wrinkled, and I laughed at the irony. Then I laughed again because of the word “irony.”

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ง๐Ÿ‡ช has bookmarked:

If they treat you like an option, leave them like a choice, and make your exit as dramatic as a Netflix season finale.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ต๐Ÿ‡ฆ has copied:

My last straw is way longer than I thought.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ญ๐Ÿ‡บ has viewed:

Unfortunately, a great many problems in life can be solved by just being hotter.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฌ๐Ÿ‡ง has copied:

God: “I used to work in mysterious ways but now I’m unemployed.”

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฐ๐Ÿ‡ผ has shared:

Writing ‘thanks.’ instead of ‘thanks!’ so you know I’m mad.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡น๐Ÿ‡ญ has copied:

I need someone to peer pressure me into doing things.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡จ๐Ÿ‡ฒ has downloaded:

Life is like bread. It gets hard at some point.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡น๐Ÿ‡ฒ has copied:

I’ve been commissioned to kiss you on the lips. I need to get this done by tonight.

Social Media Log ๐Ÿ’ซ

Spotted on Instagram:

I’ve arrived like the sun: blinding, necessary, and impossible to ignore.

Going viral on Threads:

How are they running out of oxygen if theyโ€™re breathing it right back into the submarine?

Live now on TikTok:

Whenever I get up my cat gets up too and then yells at me like itโ€™s my fault she decided we have to do this together.

Freshly posted on X:

Itโ€™s all fun and games until you send the clapping emoji instead of the prayer hands when commenting on the news of a death in the family.

Going viral on Pinterest:

The empty spot in your bed is for snacks, not liars.

Seen just now on WeChat:

I live in constant fear that some douchebag is going to show up to a bonfire with a guitar.

Going viral on TikTok:

There are too many movies about vampire hunters and not enough about vampire gatherers.

Making waves on WeChat:

The streets are not for me. I belong in an enchanted forest, eating berries, and talking to my animal friends.

Just landed via LinkedIn:

Do animals have celebrities? Like, do birds all recognize that one bird who sings really well?

Just shared via Messenger:

I hate being in that mood where nothingโ€™s really wrong but nothing feels right either.

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