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Someone from 🇲🇲 has bookmarked:

So stupid how New York is actually as cool as everyone says.

Someone from 🇪🇬 has downloaded:

In a job interview, you can always respond to an awkward question with a deep gaze and parted lips, followed by “You complete me.”

Someone from 🇬🇶 has bookmarked:

A good way to get out of a conversation is to take off one of your socks and hand it to the person talking.

Someone from 🇩🇴 has shared:

Remember when we were young and said “I’ll sleep when i’m older”? Well, now we can’t when we want to.

Someone from 🇹🇭 has viewed:

Like a fine bourbon, we get better with age. Or, at least, … we feel better about our age after drinking lots of bourbon!

Someone from 🇲🇽 has copied:

She calls me Anthony Bourdain because I eat her parts unknown, no reservations.

Someone from 🇹🇻 has bookmarked:

One of the most amazing things in nature is that the basketball hoop is the perfect size to fit a basketball through.

Someone from 🇬🇪 has shared:

I made all my money in the 80s selling Rubik’s Hammers. They were for those cubes that thought they were smarter than you.

Someone from 🇪🇷 has copied:

Drunk me promising you anything is the equivalent of a politician giving their manifesto … it’s not gonna happen.

Someone from 🇹🇭 has bookmarked:

We should thank heaven for nipples. Without them boobs would be pointless.

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

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17,766

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15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

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Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Snapchat:

I think fathers lose their mind a little bit when they realize their daughters aren’t as forgiving as their wives.

Making waves on Instagram:

The History Channel, because where else are you going to learn about how aliens were instrumental in the development of humanity?

Going viral on X:

Sometimes, I wonder what my life would be like if I had a good haircut.

Spotted on Facebook:

Don’t tell me about Stockholm Syndrome, I woke up at 6 AM on my first day of vacation wondering how things were going at work.

Just shared via WhatsApp:

My future husband is probably enjoying a nice summer with his first wife… but the seeds of discontent are there.

Seen just now on Threads:

Weight gain makes me sad. Luckily, eating cheers me right back up.

Going viral on Reddit:

Sorry, I don’t think I can hang out this weekend, my 4-year-old is still telling a joke.

Shared recently on Twitch:

I heard you like bad boys. Well, I’m bad. At everything.

Going bananas on Pinterest:

App idea: couples upload their arguments. The internet votes on who was right.

If anything goes wrong today, just dramatically whisper, “The prophecy has been fulfilled,” and walk away.

4 weeks ago

Humorous quote about handling bad days with dramatic flair and witty attitude.

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Commentary:
"When the printer jams again: 🤫🔮 'The prophecy has been fulfilled,' and exit stage left! 👋😂"

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64 shares on Messenger this month:

According to my kids’ Christmas lists, they think this parenting gig pays pretty well.

84 shares on Facebook this month:

New York is so awesome. Like, yes, let’s spend $108 for breakfast and walk past homeless people freezing.

44 shares on YouTube this month:

I dreamed I won the lottery, so you can imagine how thrilled I was to wake up and get ready for work.

22 shares on Snapchat this month:

Got a scam email full of mistakes like they’re not even trying. It won’t be long before AI takes their jobs.

92 shares on Discord this month:

I woke up deciding to incorporate the parkour lifestyle into my daily life then reconsidered as I fell over again putting my jeans on.

30 shares on YouTube this month:

I miss when The Weeknd was making sex-addict-on-drugs music.

80 shares on Facebook this month:

IKEA products should be cheaper, I’m doing all the work here. It’s like ordering takeout food and still having to cook it when it arrives.

26 shares on Threads this month:

Sorry for acting weird, I am weird, and it will happen again.

47 shares on Pinterest this month:

Staying up all night so I don’t miss any good posts.

22 shares on TikTok this month:

It triggers the little girl in me when I feel like I’m not being listened to when I’m talking.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇯🇲 has bookmarked:

A more accurate description would be ‘The Darker Web’.

Someone from 🇨🇾 has shared:

You spend so long trying to think of a name for your cat only to end up calling them “for god’s sake” and “please stop”.

Someone from 🇻🇨 has bookmarked:

Lowkey wanna fall in love, but Monday to Friday is work, Saturday is laundry, Sunday is mental prep for Monday. The butterflies in my stomach are actually decomposing.

Someone from 🇸🇬 has downloaded:

There is no physiological reason to yell when you sneeze. People who do that are simply weak and rude.

Someone from 🇧🇿 has viewed:

Why is the Formula 1 so afraid of rain? Just drive with more caution. That’s what I always do when it rains.

Someone from 🇧🇬 has viewed:

Hear me out, a Q-Tip that doesn’t bounce out the trash can when you throw it away.

Someone from 🇦🇹 has downloaded:

Shout out to all you people out there who get asked if you’re okay a lot even though that’s the only facial expression you have.

Someone from 🇿🇲 has viewed:

I need a Netflix show called: “Background noise while you scroll on your phone.”

Someone from 🇫🇯 has copied:

My four moods: I’m too old for doing that. I’m too tired for doing that. I’m too sober for doing that. I don’t have time for doing that.

Someone from 🇰🇭 has copied:

My favorite dinner is the one made by someone else.

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Facebook:

Coconut water taste like it’s been in someone else’s mouth.

Breaking via Reddit:

My favourite animal is me when I have money.

Freshly posted on Reddit:

Who can better express pain and grief and misery than a man with a harmonica?

Seen just now on WhatsApp:

How great is it to do absolutely nothing and follow it up by taking a rest.

Live now on LinkedIn:

Nothing is funnier than seeing how angry someone gets when they realize they can’t manipulate you.

Seen just now on YouTube:

The meeting of the Anonymous Pessimists was canceled. It wouldn’t have helped anyway.

Shared recently on WhatsApp:

When I die, I hope I’m remembered for my ability to take any bad situation and make it worse.

Shared recently on Threads:

Alcohol: When you want to run away from your problems without moving.

Live now on Messenger:

I am losing touch with reality and I couldn’t be happier.

Seen just now on Slack:

Declined stepping on the scale at the doctor’s office because no one needs that kind of negativity in her life.

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Activity Log ✨

If anything goes wrong today, just dramatically whisper, “The prophecy has been fulfilled,” and walk away.

Insanity runs in my family. It practically gallops.

Getting out of a sports bra looks like it should be a professional women’s sport.

No one lies more than a parent who says, “We’ll see.” You know we’re not seeing anything.

It probably feels so good to ram your head into something as a cat.

Worst part about not buying snacks so you won’t eat snacks is not having snacks when you need a lil snack.

Just seen the cost of funerals and no wonder people are living longer.

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Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

If anything goes wrong today, just dramatically whisper, “The prophecy has been fulfilled,” and walk away.

Keep the laugh going 😂

Insanity runs in my family. It practically gallops.

Getting out of a sports bra looks like it should be a professional women’s sport.

No one lies more than a parent who says, “We’ll see.” You know we’re not seeing anything.

It probably feels so good to ram your head into something as a cat.

Worst part about not buying snacks so you won’t eat snacks is not having snacks when you need a lil snack.

Just seen the cost of funerals and no wonder people are living longer.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨