Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇹 has copied:

People who get 0-5 likes at max and still tweet all the time… What’s your secret?

Someone from 🇦🇬 has downloaded:

My showers take so long because I always hold a shower concert.

Someone from 🇬🇶 has viewed:

Hello! I’m Britain’s greatest spy and my catchphrase is: I tell you my real surname, then my real forename, then my real surname again, in case you missed it.

Someone from 🇱🇦 has copied:

Is it just me or does everything cost like we’re shopping in an airport now?

Someone from 🇸🇩 has downloaded:

People keep inviting me to stuff. I miss the pandemic.

Someone from 🇪🇨 has downloaded:

If I had a dollar for every time I didn’t know what was going on, I’d be like, why am I always getting all this money?

Someone from 🇧🇾 has shared:

Everyone is using AI to write business emails, texts, etc. At this point in time, we may as well just tell our AIs to talk to each other and then let us know what kind of deal they worked out.

Someone from 🇬🇦 has copied:

Sure, I’m uncomfortable, but only in situations.

Someone from 🇺🇸 has downloaded:

For Halloween, I’m going as an emotional roller coaster.

Someone from 🇲🇬 has copied:

A treadmill minute is four times as long as a sleep minute.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

629 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,222

Funny Quotes Topics

17,352

Funny Quotes Images

15,222

Updated

Dec 30, 2025

Users Online

3,919

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Pinterest:

I woke up, got out of bed, and had coffee. I think that’s enough for one day.

Making waves on Facebook:

It’s so funny how every true crime documentary eventually devolves into a story about how the police botched the entire investigation.

Live now on Threads:

The world contains protons, neutrons, electrons, and morons.

Spotted on Twitch:

Wish my metabolism worked as fast as my anxiety.

Going viral on Discord:

Got too drunk in the Vietnamese restaurant last night, they said I can never go back. They banh mi.

Trending via Twitch:

Ever since I was young, I wanted to check my email for a verification code.

Making waves on WhatsApp:

Had chicken and egg for dinner because I wanted to eat the whole family.

Shared recently on Messenger:

My life advice is always the same. Wait for karma, but take up kickboxing, just in case.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

Speed dating, but it’s just me changing tables at a restaurant every few minutes trying a bite of everyone’s food.

Seen just now on Messenger:

Being sleepy all day is just part of who I am.

I’m a simple girl, really. I just want to watch the sunset, laugh, drink coffee, and read books. I also want a time machine and a pet dragon.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
I too crave the simple life: sunsets, coffee, and riding my dragon to the past for discounted lattes 🐉☕️📚✨

book, books, coffee, dragon, drink, fantasy, girl, humor, i, just, laugh, machine, pet, read, simple, simple girl, sunset, thinking, time, time machine, want, watch, wishful, wishful thinking

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

You should be allowed to call out of work if you have a really bad nightmare.

0

1 month ago

allowed, bad, call, call out, excuse, humor, nightmare, should, sleep, work
My ideal workday would be from 9:00 AM to 9:07 AM

0

2 months ago

am, efficiency, humor, ideal, productivity, short, time, workday
Vacations are expensive, but how else could you put a price tag on your kids being ungrateful in a different city.

0

5 months ago

being, city, different, else, expense, expensive, family, humor, kid, kids, parenting, price, price tag, put, tag, travel, ungrateful, vacation
I don’t mind being the villain in your story because you’re a clown in mine.

0

2 months ago

being, clown, comedy, conflict, humor, i, irony, mind, mine, perspective, relationship, story, villain
I will never fall victim to groupthink. I have perfectly unique opinions that no one else has, and they are the dumbest nonsense you’ve ever heard.

0

2 months ago

dumb, dumb nonsense, dumbest, else, ever, fall, groupthink, humor, i, individuality, irony, never, nonsense, opinion, opinions, perfectly, unique, unique opinion, victim
Fake laughing with customers is actually a job skill.

0

2 months ago

actually, customer, customer service, customers, facade, fake, fake laugh, humor, job, job skill, laugh, laughing, professional, professional facade, service, skill, social, social skill, workplace, workplace humor

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

37 shares on YouTube this month:

Contrary to what we currently believe, we don’t choose afternoon naps. Afternoon naps choose us.

89 shares on X this month:

None of the Instagram story fonts represent me.

71 shares on Slack this month:

A weekend spent doing nothing is a weekend well spent.

91 shares on Telegram this month:

I don’t want to exacerbate things. That would just make things worse.

25 shares on Pinterest this month:

I caught my husband eating the last of the ice cream last night. First of all, we are supposed to be dieting together. Second of all, I was going to eat that.

58 shares on Discord this month:

Garlic bread is my therapist now.

82 shares on Facebook this month:

I’ve calculated my December budget and realized I can only afford to pray.

85 shares on X this month:

They should have made a pool raft that looked like a broken door when Titanic was in theaters. I bet it would have sold millions.

85 shares on Slack this month:

I’m going to start walking around in my yard all day in a bathrobe so my neighbors will build that privacy fence I always wanted.

94 shares on X this month:

I’m still waiting for the day my parents will say, “It’s all fake, we are millionaires, this was just to teach you to be humble”.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇮🇳 has shared:

You’d think the heat and humidity would steam some of the wrinkles out of my body.

Someone from 🇧🇮 has bookmarked:

At this point, I’m sure I’ll meet an alien or zombies before I meet the love of my life!

Someone from 🇲🇾 has copied:

How old were you when you found out people in porn aren’t actually in love?

Someone from 🇲🇼 has shared:

Fact: WhatsApp is the most boring app if you’re single.

Someone from 🇬🇦 has shared:

I decided not to go for a run today because of the weather, but mostly because of the running.

Someone from 🇭🇳 has downloaded:

Idea: An app that tells you where that bruise came from.

Someone from 🇸🇿 has bookmarked:

Men will ask you zero questions about yourself, and then say they never met anybody like you.

Someone from 🇹🇴 has viewed:

My wife rearranged the kitchen cabinets, and now I’ll never eat again.

Someone from 🇨🇷 has copied:

Amazing if accurate: bleeding money.

Someone from 🇸🇧 has viewed:

I try to shoot all of my garbage into outer space, but usually it just lands in my neighbor’s backyard.

Social Media Log 💫

Broadcasted on WeChat:

“Easy like Sunday morning” is something people with no kids say.

Making waves on Instagram:

But if I get tinted windows, how will people see me flipping them off?

Trending via Facebook:

Ever think vampires just lied about hating garlic, now we’re just out here seasoning ourselves for them?

Freshly posted on TikTok:

Overheard the most hilarious conversation on my morning commute, then realized it was just me talking to myself in my car.

Going viral on WeChat:

It is a shame that nothing is built in America anymore. I just bought a TV that said: “Built in Antenna”. I don’t even know where that is.

Going viral on Facebook:

I get it dogs, I wish I could also bark at strangers approaching my house.

Shared recently on Facebook:

If she has Bukowski on her nightstand, she will devour you.

Shared recently on Telegram:

I withdraw my argument. I didn’t realize you had a meme to back you up.

Trending via Facebook:

I can always tell what part of my cycle I’m in by how concerned my friends are over my Tweets.

Seen just now on Twitch:

“OMG I love your personality,” thanks, it’s a disorder.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I’m a simple girl, really. I just want to watch the sunset, laugh, drink coffee, and read books. I also want a time machine and a pet dragon.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

You should be allowed to call out of work if you have a really bad nightmare.

My ideal workday would be from 9:00 AM to 9:07 AM

Vacations are expensive, but how else could you put a price tag on your kids being ungrateful in a different city.

I don’t mind being the villain in your story because you’re a clown in mine.

I will never fall victim to groupthink. I have perfectly unique opinions that no one else has, and they are the dumbest nonsense you’ve ever heard.

Fake laughing with customers is actually a job skill.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨