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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇸🇮 has copied:

But babe, that’s my emotional support Lord of the Rings Extended Edition.

Someone from 🇬🇧 has bookmarked:

Twitter is fun. You kinda just talk to yourself and sometimes someone replies.

Someone from 🇧🇮 has bookmarked:

One day there will be condoms with Bluetooth that tell you whether you’re good in bed, how many calories you’ve burned and when the next train leaves.

Someone from 🇺🇦 has bookmarked:

Apparently it’s inappropriate to yell out “Shots, shots, shots, shots” while your child’s getting immunizations at the pediatrician’s office.

Someone from 🇸🇷 has downloaded:

My outdoor flowers are doing amazing this year because I left them at the garden center where they belong.

Someone from 🇧🇫 has downloaded:

Sperm me would be swimming in the other direction.

Someone from 🇨🇻 has bookmarked:

Sitting next to you on an empty train and clicking my stopwatch every time you turn a page in your book.

Someone from 🇬🇪 has bookmarked:

How I flirt? I look at an attractive person several times and hope that they are bolder than me.

Someone from 🇵🇹 has bookmarked:

By the power vested in me by Facebook, I now pronounce you unfriended and restricted. You may now kiss my butt.

Someone from 🇦🇸 has copied:

A delivery driver just asked for my date of birth. I said, “94.” He replied, “Is that 1994?” Oh, sorry mate, no. My bad, that was 1794. Right around the French Revolution.

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15,753

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Updated

Feb 3, 2026

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Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on WhatsApp:

I heard you like bad boys. Well, I’m bad. At everything.

Shared recently on Instagram:

Graduation advice: Stay cool. Don’t be a fool. Avoid being a tool.

Seen just now on Facebook:

Adulthood these days is just bills and running out of memory on devices.

Seen just now on Facebook:

Sorry I’m late. Had to scroll back to my birth year.

Going viral on YouTube:

Cancel culture has been canceled.

Making waves on X:

Please go out, have fun, have friends, make connections. That mysterious lifestyle won’t save you.

Trending via Telegram:

You have to stay up as needlessly late as possible to make the next day as horrible and hard as possible.

Going viral on Messenger:

Wearing a condom while she’s on birth control is called two-factor authentication.

Trending via YouTube:

Controlling your anger at work is a job in itself.

Just landed via Discord:

You’re in her DMs, she’s in my bed whining that it’s too cold. Can you come get her?

I’m a simple girl, really. I just want to watch the sunset, laugh, drink coffee, and read books. I also want a time machine and a pet dragon.

7 days ago

Funny Quotes

Playful quote about a girl craving sunsets, laughter, coffee, books, and fantastical dreams.

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Commentary:
I too crave the simple life: sunsets, coffee, and riding my dragon to the past for discounted lattes 🐉☕️📚✨

book, books, coffee, dragon, drink, fantasy, girl, humor, i, just, laugh, machine, pet, read, simple, simple girl, sunset, thinking, time, time machine, want, watch, wishful, wishful thinking

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Social Media Stars ⭐

63 shares on Telegram this month:

I like to stay grounded by keeping the weight of the world on my shoulders.

37 shares on Threads this month:

I love airports because the rules of society don’t apply. Eat a pizza and have a glass of wine at 7 am while in track pants. Nobody cares.

64 shares on Discord this month:

My southern family thinks my daily routine in NYC is that I wake up, try really hard not to get stabbed by a knife, and then I go see a musical.

36 shares on Messenger this month:

I get it cicadas, I’m ready to scream for six weeks too.

95 shares on Twitch this month:

Most guys probably just have a foot fetish because their first girlfriend was a sock.

19 shares on TikTok this month:

You can tell they named the aardvark early in the week and the anteater on a Friday.

21 shares on Instagram this month:

If you catch me smiling at you, chances are I am plotting my revenge.

17 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Once I started spending my own money, I realized my mom was right. We do have food at home.

89 shares on Facebook this month:

Don’t feel bad if you don’t succeed on your first try. It took Michael Angelo sixteen chapels.

87 shares on Telegram this month:

Nearly choked on a carrot. A donut would never do that to me.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇳 has bookmarked:

My grandfather tried to warn them about the Titanic. He screamed and shouted about the iceberg and how the ship was going to sink, but all they did was throw him out of the theater.

Someone from 🇲🇻 has downloaded:

When you first meet a man, that fake version of him be so fire.

Someone from 🇨🇳 has bookmarked:

Girls with long hair will literally leave little traces of themselves wherever they go, like feathers falling from an angel’s wings.

Someone from 🇲🇳 has bookmarked:

I think social media is marvellous. You type your thoughts into it, and then insane people let you know if they like them or not.

Someone from 🇰🇼 has viewed:

In an effort to keep the employees motivated and increase morale, my boss has asked me to stop talking to everyone.

Someone from 🇴🇲 has shared:

I’d log off, but I get so tired of hearing myself talk.

Someone from 🇨🇿 has downloaded:

Note: Press the button on the elevator as often as possible to activate the secret express function and speed up the thing.

Someone from 🇮🇶 has shared:

A big part of my job as a parent is moving things away from the edges of countertops.

Someone from 🇧🇿 has copied:

It’s so hot, I just saw a squirrel fanning its nuts.

Someone from 🇸🇬 has downloaded:

Everyone’s gangster until they use a pen that is satisfyingly smooth and fun to write with.

Social Media Log 💫

Going bananas on Twitch:

Screaming into the abyss has lost some of its effectiveness, if I’m being honest.

Live now on X:

Pyjamas straight off a hot radiator is a winner. Damn, I’m old.

Broadcasted on Instagram:

Why is it that your clothes only get caught on the door handle when you’re in a bad mood?

Live now on WeChat:

Threw my back out due to overwhelming sensuality again.

Shared recently on Snapchat:

When is someone actually going to change the surprise in the avocado? This hard core is kind of a stupid toy.

Spreading quickly via Slack:

Just gave my boyfriend an incorrect direction in the car, and he sighed and muttered to himself, “Never assign to malice what can be attributed to incompetence.”

Shared recently on Reddit:

Next time I lose my mind I swear I’m not even going to look for it any more.

Freshly posted on Messenger:

A social media post so confusing you turn your music down to read it.

Trending via Slack:

Dating apps are no place for meeting your soulmate. The best way to find your soulmate is to tweet really good.

Seen just now on Snapchat:

Every time you give someone the benefit, they deliver the doubt.

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Activity Log ✨

I’m a simple girl, really. I just want to watch the sunset, laugh, drink coffee, and read books. I also want a time machine and a pet dragon.

Men: Masters of multitasking – can watch sports, ignore laundry, and forget your birthday, all at once.

Christmas decor isn’t meant to be sleek and minimalist, it is supposed to look like joy threw up in your house.

Lazy is such an ugly word. I prefer the term selective participation.

I don’t mean to brag, but I put together a puzzle in 1 day and the box said 2-4 years.

Kinda miss being a child and wondering why the moon follows me.

I love when I clean my whole apartment just to sit in it like a Victorian widow waiting for bad news.

Social Media Stars ⭐

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Activity Log ✨

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I’m a simple girl, really. I just want to watch the sunset, laugh, drink coffee, and read books. I also want a time machine and a pet dragon.

Keep the laugh going 😂

Men: Masters of multitasking – can watch sports, ignore laundry, and forget your birthday, all at once.

Christmas decor isn’t meant to be sleek and minimalist, it is supposed to look like joy threw up in your house.

Lazy is such an ugly word. I prefer the term selective participation.

I don’t mean to brag, but I put together a puzzle in 1 day and the box said 2-4 years.

Kinda miss being a child and wondering why the moon follows me.

I love when I clean my whole apartment just to sit in it like a Victorian widow waiting for bad news.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨