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Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฒ๐Ÿ‡ฉ has bookmarked:

Please don’t dm me with the intention of dating me. You deserve less.

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Had salad for the third night in a row and now I get why youโ€™re so angry, vegans.

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I’m ugly but I can make u laugh.

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All I’m dealing with is broken people. Lord, if I’m a mechanic, please tell me.

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Humming & dancing while I plop my meds into my weekly pill counter like the happy little nutcase I am.

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How are there low birth rates when everyone here is a big baby?

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The only thing keeping me from world domination is a good nap.

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Iโ€™m so single, I have no one to drunk text.

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Life update: it’s getting worse.

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I taped a picture of my paycheck on my front door to keep all the solicitors away.

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I’m going to a karaoke bar tomorrow, where I’ll sing every song in the style of Yoko Ono.

I’m going to a karaoke bar tomorrow, where I’ll sing every song in the style of Yoko Ono.

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Prepare the earplugs, folks, because tomorrow's karaoke night is going to be a "Yoko Ono hits high note" special! ๐ŸŽค๐Ÿ˜‚๐ŸŽถ

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Welcome to Wordgag! ๐Ÿ˜‰โœŒ๏ธ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ’ฅ

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Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฑ๐Ÿ‡ป has bookmarked:

Through repetition and sheer will Iโ€™ve mastered gracefully falling on my head.

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Your honor, when I said I wanted to be held, I didnโ€™t mean in contempt.

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If youโ€™re looking for a quiet place to talk to yourself, my DMs are open.

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My new pajamas have no pockets. I donโ€™t want to hear your problems.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฆ๐Ÿ‡ช has bookmarked:

Good luck sending me mixed signals. Most the time I canโ€™t even understand the direct ones.

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Youโ€™d think the heat and humidity would steam some of the wrinkles out of my body.

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I hate math, but I love counting money.

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The world is in chaos, confess to your crush!

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I hope the babies I was born with at the hospital are doing good.

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I really hope my house is haunted and not in need of structural repairs.