Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇬 has copied:

My teen believed the washing machine when it said it only had one minute left, and oh, how I laughed and laughed.

Someone from 🇹🇿 has bookmarked:

I come from a long line of people with something wrong with them.

Someone from 🇯🇵 has downloaded:

Do you laugh at your own jokes, or are you emotionally stable?

Someone from 🇴🇲 has downloaded:

He’s making a list, he’s checking it twice, he’s leaving the store, he still forgot milk.

Someone from 🇷🇸 has bookmarked:

I admire how time manages to quickly heal wounds but takes forever to remove awkward tan lines.

Someone from 🇬🇶 has downloaded:

I prefer to use deodorant immediately after shaving my armpits so that I can feel that I’m still alive.

Someone from 🇱🇰 has downloaded:

Vote for me and I’ll remove all the calories from cheese.

Someone from 🇿🇲 has shared:

My unemployed neighbor with an unlimited firework budget would like to wish everyone a happy 9th of July.

Someone from 🇳🇿 has bookmarked:

I’m implementing a new policy in my house: any child who is awake past bedtime can either go to sleep or clean the house, no exceptions.

Someone from 🇲🇽 has copied:

When I say, “I have to be someplace,” what I mean is, “I want to go home.”

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

531 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,124

Funny Quotes Topics

17,272

Funny Quotes Images

15,124

Updated

Dec 27, 2025

Users Online

3,593

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Facebook:

I think it’s sad that getting married is one of the only ways to guarantee somebody will be forced to make a speech about how great you are.

Broadcasted on Reddit:

If I ever find out who stole my identity, I’ll pay all their debts and ruin their credit score just for fun.

Shared recently on Telegram:

Imagine surviving Covid 19 and then China releases Covid 19S Plus Pro.

Just landed via LinkedIn:

When I worked as a restaurant critic, I wrote under a nom nom nom de plume.

Shared recently on Instagram:

You don’t scare me. You’re not the evil eye I get from my dog when I make him get up from the couch so I can lay down.

Spreading quickly via Slack:

If you take a social media sabbatical, don’t announce it. Just make your last post something fun like “I wonder if there’s a bear in this cave?”

Trending via Pinterest:

Let the example of my fluke success guide nearly all of you to crushing disappointment.

Trending via Twitch:

You don’t really see women throwing their boyfriend’s stuff out the window anymore.

Trending via WhatsApp:

Getting a boner because the Lego instructions are telling me what to do.

Shared recently on Threads:

Pornhub be like “Your phone got a virus,” bro, just play the bloody video.

Instead of writing LOL, I’m going to start writing SALTS (smiled a little, then stopped). It’s more accurate.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"😂 Finally found my new go-to response! SALTS: The emoji of texts! 🧂📱"

accurate, acronym, expression, going, humor, humor expression, internet, internet slang, joke, little, lol, SALTS, sarcasm, slang, start, stopped, texting, wit, writing

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

There should be 1 day a month without commercials.

0

3 months ago

1, advertising, break, commercial, commercials, day, entertainment, humor, media, month, should, television
I’m actually really fun once you get to know me (takes 3-4 years).

0

3 months ago

actually, bonding, friendship, fun, humor, introvert, know, me, once, patience, personality, relationship, skills, social, social skills, time
When I said I wanted to be held, I didn’t mean accountable.

0

2 months ago

accountable, communication, expectations, held, humor, i, irony, mean, relationship, wanted
Welcome to middle age. “I carried a watermelon” has gone from a movie quote to something you tell your orthopedist.

0

2 months ago

age, aging, aging humor, comedy, culture, gone, humor, i, middle, middle age, movie, movie quote, orthopedist, pop, pop culture, something, tell, watermelon, welcome
My ducks are not even remotely in a row. My ducks are in places no duck has ever gone before.

0

4 weeks ago

before, chaos, confusion, duck, even, ever, gone, humor, metaphor, organization, originality, places, row
Growing your own tomatoes really is the best way to devote 3 months of your life to saving $2.17.

0

2 months ago

3, best, gardening, growing, homegrown, humor, investment, life, money, months, own, saving, saving money, time, time investment, tomato

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎁🎅🎄 Christmas Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

65 shares on Facebook this month:

Imagine falling in love and then finding out that they put antlers on their car for the holidays.

17 shares on Twitch this month:

I wrote a book. It’s a murder mystery. You’re in it but only for the first couple of chapters.

60 shares on TikTok this month:

If I was a star and you were a star, I would wink at you and blink at you and twinkle at you and the earthlings would call it science.

92 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Awkwardly stares into the abyss in between meetings.

78 shares on YouTube this month:

Babe, are you okay? You’ve barely touched your unread books.

84 shares on Threads this month:

You know you’re getting old when you can’t walk past a bathroom without thinking, “I may as well go while I’m here.”

86 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I’ll marry your mom just so I can ground you.

47 shares on Instagram this month:

But if I get tinted windows, how will people see me flipping them off?

67 shares on Instagram this month:

I’m not a morning person. I’m not even an afternoon person. I pretty much start functioning after 6pm.

37 shares on Twitch this month:

Boys say that girls are dramatic, but have you ever plucked a man’s eyebrow? They act like they’ve been shot.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇺 has downloaded:

It turns out, as you get older, you don’t actually figure anything out; you just don’t have any energy to care anymore.

Someone from 🇹🇴 has viewed:

You look like the kind of person whose recorded calls have been used for training purposes.

Someone from 🇦🇬 has downloaded:

Caught my son chewing on electrical wires. So, I grounded him. He’s doing better currently and conducting himself properly.

Someone from 🇧🇼 has copied:

I don’t want flying cars, I want the ability to start again from my last save point.

Someone from 🇵🇱 has viewed:

I didn’t get the part of the brain that lets you relax, just the one that overthinks.

Someone from 🇻🇺 has copied:

People who live alone should get one practice conversation before they have to speak out loud for the first time that day.

Someone from 🇫🇲 has copied:

“I’m at a point in my life where I don’t go anywhere unless I absolutely have to.”

Someone from 🇵🇪 has downloaded:

If you’re a squatter, every day is leg day.

Someone from 🇪🇪 has viewed:

You’re my least favourite notification.

Someone from 🇦🇲 has shared:

It sure is strange that after Tuesday the rest of the week spells WTF.

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

Do you ever restart the dryer because you don’t feel like folding the clothes yet?

Going viral on Threads:

Alcohol and eye contact is a deadly combo.

Trending via WeChat:

I have so much planned today that I was already tired thinking of it yesterday.

Freshly posted on Twitch:

To everyone I’ve wronged this year. Next year same time, same place.

Spotted on Facebook:

Money doesn’t impress me. Giving it to me does.

Going viral on Telegram:

To be fair, a dumpster is like one of the safest places to have a fire.

Just landed via Reddit:

In Hell, “Cotton Eye Joe” plays on an eternal loop. The heat and fire are actually pleasant compared to that.

Just landed via Discord:

The class: “You want us to do what?” Super Mario: “Jump around, catch and eat the giant mushroom, bang your head against the crates and, if necessary, crush all the critters. It’sa easy!”

Trending via WeChat:

I am cutting contact with my 3-year-old narcissist nephew.

Seen just now on Instagram:

Facial recognition technology, but for me when I’m talking to people I’ve apparently met before.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Instead of writing LOL, I’m going to start writing SALTS (smiled a little, then stopped). It’s more accurate.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

There should be 1 day a month without commercials.

I’m actually really fun once you get to know me (takes 3-4 years).

When I said I wanted to be held, I didn’t mean accountable.

Welcome to middle age. “I carried a watermelon” has gone from a movie quote to something you tell your orthopedist.

My ducks are not even remotely in a row. My ducks are in places no duck has ever gone before.

Growing your own tomatoes really is the best way to devote 3 months of your life to saving $2.17.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨