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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇿🇼 has bookmarked:

The week be like Mooonnnday, Tueeesday, Weeeeednesday, Thuuuuursday, FriSatSun

Someone from 🇦🇲 has downloaded:

We should be able to go to the bar and drink to watch Love Island, like men do with sports.

Someone from 🇬🇭 has viewed:

My teenager has really expensive taste for someone who can’t afford to buy their own toothpaste.

Someone from 🇲🇾 has shared:

I don’t know how to explain it, but sometimes cheese just falls into my cart at the grocery store.

Someone from 🇹🇼 has shared:

Cloud 9 is a very high place to fall from.

Someone from 🇧🇪 has shared:

I think it broke my boyfriend’s heart when I said he couldn’t have Salma Hayek for Valentine’s Day.

Someone from 🇲🇿 has bookmarked:

At my size, I’d be called Buffet the Vampire Slayer.

Someone from 🇹🇻 has bookmarked:

Your secret is safe with me and my sister.

Someone from 🇹🇯 has shared:

I need a job where I don’t actually have to work.

Someone from 🇵🇦 has viewed:

I need someone to wring out my brain like a dishrag.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

643 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,236

Funny Quotes Topics

17,359

Funny Quotes Images

15,236

Updated

Dec 30, 2025

Users Online

3,646

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Pinterest:

May the hardest part of your day be getting the jeans over your butt.

Spotted on Pinterest:

Pouring Diet Coke directly into my gunshot wound.

Just landed via Twitch:

The worst part about being an adult is that no matter how sad you get, the show must go on.

Just shared via Snapchat:

Hearing my voice in recording makes me wanna apologize to every person I talked to.

Trending via TikTok:

Why do you always wanna change your life before you fall asleep, then in the morning you wake up like ‘Nah!’

Trending via Snapchat:

I like my mornings to be slow and quiet. I want the day to romance me a bit before it tries to mess me up.

Freshly posted on Reddit:

After I get irritated, it takes me about 2 hours to fix my face.

Going viral on Telegram:

I’ve been doing a lot of thinking recently, and I’ve decided that I really don’t want to do that any more.

Going viral on Instagram:

If you don’t laugh at my jokes then I will.

Just landed via YouTube:

If you ever think English is not a weird language just remember that read and lead rhyme and read and lead rhyme. But read and lead don’t rhyme, and neither do read and lead.

Is it okay for me to start drinking as soon as the kids are at school, or am I just a terrible teacher?

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Sandwich the drama of spelling tests with a juice box ❌📝🥤

am, drinking, drinking habit, habit, humor, i, joke, just, kid, kids, me, okay, parenting, school, soon, start, teacher, terrible

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

So I got a call from a telemarketer, and he said he couldn’t understand me. I told him, “Press 1 for English.”

0

2 months ago

1, call, communication, cultural, cultural difference, difference, English, got, humor, i, language, me, phone, phone call, prank, press, said, telemarketer, told, understand
If you don’t have at least one white friend named “Matt”, then you are Matt.

0

2 months ago

circle, friend, humor, identity, joke, Matt, social, social circle, white, white friend
I don’t understand, “kill them with kindness”; can I use a lightsaber instead?

0

3 weeks ago

humor, i, joke, kill, kindness, lightsaber, pun, star, Star Wars, understand, wars
This year has gone by so quick. Christmas is basically tomorrow.

0

4 months ago

celebration, Christmas, date, gone, holiday, quick, surprise, time, tomorrow, year
I used to blame all my problems on my parents, but now that I’m a grown up, I have come to terms with the fact that when bad things happen to me, it’s probably just that Mercury’s in retrograde again.

0

2 months ago

again, astrology, bad, bad things, blame, fact, grown, grown up, humor, i, just, me, Mercury, parents, problems, retrograde, self-awareness, terms, things, used
Opening up to a woman is like talking to the police, anything you say can and will be used against you.

0

2 months ago

anything, communication, humor, open, open up, opening, police, relationship, say, talk, talking, used, warning, woman

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

44 shares on X this month:

Good news: I set an all time high today! Bad news: It’s my cholesterol.

56 shares on X this month:

Giving every single movie I watch a five star review because it’s just such a joy to be alive.

93 shares on Telegram this month:

I’m exactly where I want to be. At home, avoiding people.

70 shares on Facebook this month:

The people that sing their heart out, but terribly, are my people.

82 shares on Slack this month:

I smile at all animals, just not the human ones.

56 shares on Pinterest this month:

Told my boss I was going to the bathroom but didn’t say which one. Now I’m at home.

13 shares on Facebook this month:

What I’m trying to say is, “Hello, here’s my entire heart and all of my devotion.”

90 shares on YouTube this month:

We don’t get a song of the summer this year because we were bad.

100 shares on YouTube this month:

Ever since I was a little girl, I knew I never wanted to download the Microsoft Authenticator app on my personal phone to access every professional platform necessary to do my job.

69 shares on Snapchat this month:

I would reset the clock on your microwave for you.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇭 has shared:

Once I started spending my own money, I realized my mom was right. We do have food at home.

Someone from 🇪🇹 has viewed:

I can’t watch Sex and the City anymore, because I get really upset at how much money these ladies have.

Someone from 🇨🇾 has downloaded:

have one of those big paintings with the eyeholes cut out, but I don’t have anyone to spy on, so I just watch TV through it.

Someone from 🇨🇿 has copied:

If I was a microplastic, I would simply not go in the ocean or anyone’s mouth.

Someone from 🇵🇱 has downloaded:

Is there a rehab for introverts who try to extrovert? Asking for a friend.

Someone from 🇸🇴 has downloaded:

I have a complicated relationship with push/pull doors.

Someone from 🇲🇪 has downloaded:

If I ever experience an earthquake, my first thought will probably be it’s Godzilla.

Someone from 🇷🇼 has bookmarked:

Always keep a bottle of wine in the fridge for special occasions. Like Wednesday.

Someone from 🇦🇱 has copied:

Updating my resume. Anyone got a more professional word for “dumpster fire”?

Someone from 🇧🇸 has viewed:

I don’t need a midlife crisis. My whole life is a crisis.

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via WhatsApp:

The problem with expensive things is that you tend to want them.

Just shared via Snapchat:

We go together like Drunk and Disorderly.

Seen just now on Pinterest:

Some people post such depressing love shit that I start to miss their exes myself!

Freshly posted on Reddit:

Your reply guys are like Pooh Bear. They wear no pants and are relentlessly trying to get in your honeypot.

Trending via WeChat:

In search of someone who loves me as much as I love my snooze button.

Seen just now on X:

Cooking with glasses on is so humiliating. Why did I just get blinded by steam?

Making waves on Pinterest:

A new year resolution is something that goes in one year and out the other.

Spotted on Pinterest:

A female will ghost you, and the whole time she is waiting for you to text back again.

Spreading quickly via Messenger:

Dark mode changed me. White screens now feel like staring into the sun.

Breaking via Slack:

Discord is only good for calling friends on the computer. Please do not waste your time getting caught up in random servers.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Is it okay for me to start drinking as soon as the kids are at school, or am I just a terrible teacher?

Related Funny Posts 🤝

So I got a call from a telemarketer, and he said he couldn’t understand me. I told him, “Press 1 for English.”

If you don’t have at least one white friend named “Matt”, then you are Matt.

I don’t understand, “kill them with kindness”; can I use a lightsaber instead?

This year has gone by so quick. Christmas is basically tomorrow.

I used to blame all my problems on my parents, but now that I’m a grown up, I have come to terms with the fact that when bad things happen to me, it’s probably just that Mercury’s in retrograde again.

Opening up to a woman is like talking to the police, anything you say can and will be used against you.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨