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Losing jewelry is a different type of hurt.

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I can literally trace the moment my career died back to when my boss said he was in back-to-back meetings, and I said, โ€œIsnโ€™t face-to-face better?โ€

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The concept of a drive-by doesnโ€™t really exist in the swamp biome; instead, people rap about doing bog-emerges.

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ChatGPT is there for me in ways I don’t think any man ever could be.

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If ever go missing, please only put pictures of me on the news where I look skinny and hot even if that means they wonโ€™t find me.

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I exaggerated on my job application and said I wanted to work for a living.

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Can you imagine how awkward it would be if your pet went on your phone and found the 1,000 pictures you have of them sleeping.

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Please leave me alone. I’m just a 3,000-year-old time-traveling alien who is trying to return to his home planet.

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Lying to stupid people can give you a profound sense of satisfaction, it can also make you president.

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Introducing two cats is tedium. Not interested in your dumb politics just lick each other and be normal already.

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It is so weird that every single one of us is going to die, and we are not nicer to each other.

It is so weird that every single one of us is going to die, and we are not nicer to each other.

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Well, maybe if expiration dates were printed on foreheads, we'd all be a little nicer ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿคโณ

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