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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇬 has downloaded:

Lately I have the attention span of wait what?

Someone from 🇦🇲 has copied:

I need a browser plugin that disables Amazon when I’m drinking. Hashtag: don’t drink and Prime.

Someone from 🇲🇾 has viewed:

Just imagine how great life would be if pizza made you skinny.

Someone from 🇫🇲 has shared:

Why is sleeping at night so hard, but sleeping in the morning is like drifting away on a soft, fluffy cloud while Adele sings you a lullaby?

Someone from 🇪🇨 has shared:

When someone sits in the empty seat beside you: flattered yet annoyed. When no one sits in the empty seat beside you: offended yet relieved.

Someone from 🇺🇬 has shared:

You give my middle finger an erection.

Someone from 🇰🇪 has copied:

May her tire get flat with a dude who can’t change it.

Someone from 🇭🇳 has bookmarked:

Sorry for being so cringey and awkward. It will definitely happen again.

Someone from 🇩🇰 has shared:

Imagine marrying an old man for money and you die first.

Someone from 🇹🇬 has shared:

If I like cleaning? Does Sisyphus like his boulder?

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Updated

Jan 19, 2026

Users Online

3,674

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Pinterest:

When I was young, I was afraid of the dark. Now, these bills got me afraid of the light.

Broadcasted on Snapchat:

Being lazy has its advantages. I still have most of my winter fat from last year.

Going viral on Telegram:

Somebody just told me I was living the dream, I can assure you I have never dreamt of this shit right here.

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

My dentist plays country music, so it’s like a double torture.

Just landed via Instagram:

If you have nothing nice to say, I promise you that I’ll have something even worse to say back.

Spotted on Messenger:

I fondly remember my days as a younger man when I didn’t care what the weather was going to do.

Seen just now on Twitch:

I hate when a guy asks “can you cook?” Can you build a house?

Seen just now on WeChat:

They say the best things take time. That’s why I’m always late.

Spotted on Discord:

They should make a tanning bed that constantly rolls you over like a gas station hotdog.

Just shared via Pinterest:

I’ve got a headache, and it’s affecting my entire future.

It’s so cold, I’m using Chrome instead of Firefox to read the news on my phone, because I need the ads to warm up my phone and hands.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
When it's so cold, even my phone's ads are doing their community service—warming my hands and soul! 🔥📱😂

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Trending Funny Quotes 👇

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Social Media Stars ⭐

59 shares on Snapchat this month:

Maybe the problem is that I’m cooler than any man I’ve ever met.

95 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Just peed so much that a little laugh came out.

97 shares on LinkedIn this month:

If one door opens when another door closes, your house is probably haunted.

21 shares on YouTube this month:

My favorite things about Twitter are that everything you read is true, everyone is nice, and all intentions are pure of heart.

31 shares on Facebook this month:

It is kind of inspiring that I messed up my life without drugs, gambling or a troubled youth. People really can do anything.

94 shares on Snapchat this month:

I bring a very “are you going to eat your pickle” vibe to lunch meetings.

31 shares on TikTok this month:

Betrayal is when you’re holding a baby, and they put their arms out for someone else.

40 shares on Telegram this month:

I used to be a banker, but then I lost interest.

92 shares on Twitch this month:

Some people avoid bacon for the sake of religion. I avoid religion for the sake of bacon.

98 shares on Messenger this month:

Maybe the real American dream is the debt we collected along the way.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

9 folks are currently checking 👀

Tailgating me while I’m going 90 in a 45 is crazy. And those red and blue lights on top of your car look stupid, btw, lol.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

I’ll marry the person who can go to a family event with me and still like me afterward.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

Dentist appointments are so weird. “Hi, nice to meet you, could you root around in my mouth for a bit?”

11 folks are currently checking 👀

When you split a dessert, the waiter should bring two forks and one of those chess clocks you smack to let the other person know it’s their turn.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

I like to put “No DMs” in my bio to pretend that I’m attractive.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

Hear me out, a Q-Tip that doesn’t bounce out the trash can when you throw it away.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

Nobody victim blames more than my oldest son when he’s in trouble for punching his little brother.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

Oh right, like you’ve never let your kids stay lost in a corn maze just a little longer.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

Fleetwood Mac said that I could go my own way, your honor.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

I’ve reached the conclusion that all men love thigh high stockings.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Updated

Jan 19, 2026

Users Online

3,689

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇩 has shared:

My brain logged me out due to inactivity, and I can’t remember the password.

Someone from 🇹🇯 has viewed:

Body by sandwich.

Someone from 🇾🇪 has downloaded:

Hey man, be careful on the trampoline, one of my buddies never came back down.

Someone from 🇧🇸 has downloaded:

Calling ahead to the cafe to warn them to “get those beans brewing”.

Someone from 🇹🇴 has downloaded:

Euthanizing my Tamagotchi.

Someone from 🇧🇸 has shared:

My toxic trait is optimism.

Someone from 🇧🇾 has viewed:

Relationships are only serious when photos are posted by a man.

Someone from 🇰🇼 has viewed:

Nobody is busier than a woman who isn’t into you.

Someone from 🇬🇦 has copied:

It’s messed up how us humans have to obey all these laws while bears get to eat whoever they want.

Someone from 🇻🇪 has bookmarked:

Get off the internet and go sniff a flower.

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Reddit:

Sometimes people just need you to be genuine with them, and I personally have no problem pretending to do that.

Going viral on Slack:

Don’t know how to explain this, but “hot honey” is the pickleball of condiments (derogatory).

Spreading quickly via YouTube:

If I were a billionaire, I wouldn’t build rockets to escape to Mars. I would build rockets to make everyone else leave Earth.

Trending via Messenger:

Getting older just means that you have to start eating all the sad foods.

Breaking via WeChat:

Dear liars, I hope every pair of pants you own are on fire.

Just shared via Slack:

Going to therapy is like having someone walk around your brain and going “ohhhh, this is how you’re living?!”

Going viral on TikTok:

Even worse than a spider is a spider that just disappeared.

Breaking via Discord:

You’re all using your crystals wrong. Put them in a sock and start swinging.

Shared recently on Telegram:

Can anyone recommend some basic intrusive thoughts for someone looking to get into anxiety?

Spreading quickly via TikTok:

I was so locked in, to the point where we were tongue-kissing with morning breath.

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