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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇩🇰 has viewed:

Out of Office: I am on vacation. Your emails will be forwarded nowhere to be read by no one. Good day.

Someone from 🇲🇾 has downloaded:

Was already at my breaking point, and then had to use the authenticator app.

Someone from 🇦🇿 has copied:

I don’t want to end this year on bad terms with anybody. Could you please apologize to me?

Someone from 🇱🇦 has shared:

I’m not gaining weight, I’m retaining candy.

Someone from 🇫🇲 has copied:

When Hulk wrecks shit he’s “incredible.” When I do it I’m “causing a scene” and “need to leave this place immediately.”

Someone from 🇦🇪 has copied:

I went downstairs to get my charger. I came back up with a bowl of ice cream and no charger.

Someone from 🇸🇳 has viewed:

Vanilla perfumes are so nice. It’s like walking into a bakery but you are the bakery.

Someone from 🇻🇪 has viewed:

Is ChatGPT down for anyone else? I’m a neurosurgeon in the middle of brain surgery.

Someone from 🇧🇮 has copied:

No we can’t hangout, you’ll end up falling in love with me and I don’t have time for that.

Someone from 🇦🇲 has copied:

Stop normalizing things, we’ll run out of the weird shit.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,722

Social Media Log 💫

Live now on Slack:

I don’t make mistakes, I date them.

Seen just now on Messenger:

If you say “awesome sauce” on a first date, you’ll still have that lucky condom in your wallet tomorrow.

Spotted on YouTube:

An Amish party in the desert called churning man.

Shared recently on TikTok:

Saturday Night Fever, but it’s just me yelling, “Five, six, seven, eight!” while my cat lies down and refuses to participate.

Seen just now on Reddit:

The only downside to dating hot men is that when it ends, he’s still hot.

Making waves on WeChat:

People with ADHD be like “I can’t fry an egg, I got too much going on”.

Spotted on Slack:

My hobby is misidentifying dinosaurs so my daughter can correct me.

Shared recently on Reddit:

Saying “You’re tearing this family apart” whenever someone argues with me.

Going bananas on WeChat:

Today in who needs an alarm: my kid woke me up early by scream-whispering WHAT IS DUST?

Just shared via Facebook:

It’s not my job to police the internet, but I just saw someone post a recipe for cauliflower cookies and reported them for harmful content.

It’s so funny how you can meet someone randomly online, and they become such an important part of your life. It’d be nicer if they lived closer, though.

5 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
When your soulmate is just a Wi-Fi connection and twelve time zones away 😂🌍💕

closer, connection, distance, friend, friendship, Funny, humor, important, life, lived, meet, meeting, nicer, online, online friend, someone

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Having a bathroom switch outside a bathroom and a sibling is a bad combination.

0

2 months ago

bad, bathroom, combination, having, household, humor, inconvenience, joke, outside, practical, practical joke, sibling, switch
I found my first grey pubic hair today, but I didn’t freak out; unlike everyone else in the Zoom meeting.

0

2 months ago

aging, aging humor, everyone, found, freak, freak out, funny moment, grey, grey hair, hair, humor, i, meeting, moment, pubic, pubic hair, reaction, surprise, surprise reaction, today, Zoom, Zoom meeting
Remember when downloading a song in under 5 minutes was considered progress?

0

2 months ago

5, downloading, internet, internet speed, minutes, nostalgia, patience, progress, remember, song, speed, technology, under
I’m sorry I pretended I was dead when I saw you in public.

0

2 months ago

anxiety, apology, awkwardness, dead, embarrassment, humor, i, pretend, public, saw, social, social anxiety, sorry
I could win awards for having a bad memory. In fact, I probably did. How would I know.

0

2 months ago

awards, bad, confusion, fact, forgetfulness, having, humor, i, irony, know, memory, recognition, self-deprecation, win
The closer you are to nature, the further you are from idiots.

0

2 months ago

closer, environment, humor, idiots, nature, outdoors, sarcasm, wilderness

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

77 shares on Slack this month:

Even a broken shrimp fries rice twice a day.

32 shares on Instagram this month:

Not only is it not Friday, but it’s not even Thursday.

92 shares on X this month:

Being a woman is hard. You always want to buy something, slap someone, lose weight and eat something sweet.

100 shares on Discord this month:

The rainforest cafe won’t be authentic enough for me if they don’t bulldoze 40% of the restaurant while I’m there.

72 shares on Facebook this month:

No, they’re not “symptoms of depressions.” They’re Blue’s Clues.

74 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Mister Sandman, bring me a meme. Make it the dumbest shit that I’ve ever seen.

50 shares on Reddit this month:

Pornhub be like “Your phone got a virus,” bro, just play the bloody video.

90 shares on Twitch this month:

While a leaf blower is a close second, my preferred cleaner is a flamethrower.

35 shares on Slack this month:

My boss told me “It’s not rocket science.” Yeah, almost everything that exists is not rocket science.

39 shares on Threads this month:

My favorite delusion is that I just need to get through this week.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇫 has viewed:

Nobody says “boom shakalaka” like they used to.

Someone from 🇲🇱 has bookmarked:

8 year gap on resume that just says “karate”.

Someone from 🇴🇲 has downloaded:

If you say my name three times in the mirror, I show up and kiss you on the forehead.

Someone from 🇶🇦 has viewed:

Can we talk about what little red riding hoods actual grandma must have looked like?

Someone from 🇲🇺 has downloaded:

Hulk Hogan’s gone, so I’ll be ripping shirts and screaming “BROTHERRR!” at strangers in his honor.

Someone from 🇿🇲 has viewed:

I will be posting telepathically on all social media today. So if you think of something funny, that was me.

Someone from 🇧🇾 has copied:

This chapter of my life is called ‘at least the rent is paid’

Someone from 🇩🇿 has viewed:

If you find me offensive, then I suggest you quit finding me.

Someone from 🇧🇩 has viewed:

Pilot is one of the few jobs where you can get fired for going above and beyond.

Someone from 🇨🇩 has bookmarked:

Hey kid, wanna hear a scary story? One day, you will be able to do whatever you want, and you will choose to stay home alone.

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Threads:

Went outside. Touched grass. Got bit by bugs. Zero stars.

Spotted on Facebook:

“Are you ok?” Of course not. Next question!

Going viral on Facebook:

My dog sighs a lot for someone who doesn’t pay any bills.

Making waves on Facebook:

It’s weird when you realize we are the last generation on this Earth to know what lite was like before social media.

Spreading quickly via TikTok:

Me drinking green tea: this is going to fix everything.

Seen just now on WeChat:

Embattled politicians resign saying they want to spend more time with their families. Do their families get a say in this?

Just shared via Threads:

You don’t need to explain yourself if you carry a chainsaw.

Seen just now on Discord:

I stopped experimenting in bed after the great honey disaster of 2015.

Freshly posted on Discord:

I had a sex dream last night that felt so real, I’m just gonna go ahead and add it to my body count.

Shared recently on WeChat:

I wrote a book. It’s a murder mystery. You’re in it but only for the first couple of chapters.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

It’s so funny how you can meet someone randomly online, and they become such an important part of your life. It’d be nicer if they lived closer, though.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

Having a bathroom switch outside a bathroom and a sibling is a bad combination.

I found my first grey pubic hair today, but I didn’t freak out; unlike everyone else in the Zoom meeting.

Remember when downloading a song in under 5 minutes was considered progress?

I’m sorry I pretended I was dead when I saw you in public.

I could win awards for having a bad memory. In fact, I probably did. How would I know.

The closer you are to nature, the further you are from idiots.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨