Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇹 has downloaded:

I be like, “Who’s praying on my downfall?” as if I don’t make self-destructive life decisions.

Someone from 🇬🇾 has downloaded:

If this meeting were any slower, it’d be a landscape painting.

Someone from 🇦🇫 has downloaded:

Hello, I’m a professor in a movie. I only reach the main point of my lecture right as class is ending. Then I yell at students about the reading / homework as they leave.

Someone from 🇹🇻 has downloaded:

Apologize for the job that you do. It would be nice if you were talented too.

Someone from 🇮🇪 has copied:

Life is so draining, you fix one problem, here come 12 more.

Someone from 🇳🇬 has shared:

Parenting just means you have to pretend you like to eat fruits and vegetables in front of your kids, knowing you’d rather eat a cheeseburger instead.

Someone from 🇵🇾 has shared:

If I could have immunity to anything I would pick calories.

Someone from 🇩🇯 has viewed:

I used to think I was indecisive, but I’m not too sure any more.

Someone from 🇦🇿 has shared:

A good French onion soup will have you acting like a pervert.

Someone from 🇦🇷 has bookmarked:

Drinking a couple of beers and then getting onto Red Dead Redemption, and just petting my horse and feeding it apples.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,696

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Instagram:

The cool side of the pillow just stole my boyfriend.

Trending via YouTube:

I admire how, when babies don’t want to hold something anymore, they just drop it.

Spotted on Telegram:

Nobody warns you of the devastation two days of stuffing will bring upon your digestive system.

Trending via Twitch:

I caught my husband eating the last of the ice cream last night. First of all, we are supposed to be dieting together. Second of all, I was going to eat that.

Seen just now on WeChat:

All income is disposable if you’re brave enough.

Trending via Threads:

I have entirely too many new bruises for someone who isn’t getting laid.

Freshly posted on Facebook:

Due to inflation, alien abduction no longer comes with free probes. Humans are required to bring their own probes or may purchase a probe on board the spacecraft for a moderate fee.

Breaking via WeChat:

With me, it isn’t Netflix & chill. It’s Prime & panic.

Making waves on Instagram:

Hey, boy, are you the worst-case scenario? Because you’re all I think about.

Seen just now on Facebook:

I want my boyfriend to be so hot strangers know he’s not funny.

Just blocked all the ugly people, so if you see this… what’s up, big sexy?

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Looks like I'm in the VIP club of stunning! Who knew good looks granted internet access? 😎✨

big, big sexy, block, blocked, humor, insult, just, media, people, person, playful, sexy, social, social media, ugly, ugly person

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

This economy requires two hustlers working together – not a hustler and a leech. It’s too expensive to be out here carrying dead weight.

0

2 months ago

carrying, collaboration, dead, dead weight, economy, expense, expensive, here, hustler, leech, teamwork, together, too, weight, working
I like to stay grounded by keeping the weight of the world on my shoulders.

0

2 months ago

grounded, humor, i, responsibility, self-deprecation, shoulders, stay, weight, world
Dry January is so funny. People are like, “How can I make the worst month of the year even worse?”

0

2 months ago

challenge, drinking, dry, Dry January, even, humor, i, January, laugh, month, people, worse, worst, worst month, year
Age range on my dating app set to 40+. Y’all fighting over grapes while I’m drinking wine.

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5 months ago

40, age, age range, app, dating, dating app, drinking, fight, fighting, grape, humor, over, range, set, while, wine
I don’t need the audio tour at the museum, I have my teen to provide critical commentary the entire time.

0

2 months ago

activity, audio, audio tour, commentary, critique, family, humor, museum, need, teen, time, tour, visit
Can we call situationships ‘affairs’ again? It sounds more adult and less desperate.

0

2 months ago

adult, affair, affairs, again, call, desperate, humor, less, relationship, situationship, sounds, terminology

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

10 shares on Snapchat this month:

I have 206 bones, 650 muscles and 50 billion cells in my body. It takes time to wake up all of them up in the morning.

18 shares on Telegram this month:

Life is just a vicious cycle of needing to go to the grocery store.

88 shares on Telegram this month:

If stupidity got us into this mess, then why can’t it get us out?

19 shares on YouTube this month:

I’m pretending to be a hot girl on Tinder so I can match with my roommate and tell him I’m coming over, so he’ll clean the apartment.

55 shares on Instagram this month:

I love when the restaurant bathroom has different music playing than the restaurant. It’s like I’m going to Club Pee Pee.

32 shares on Messenger this month:

My goal for next month is small, simple, and clear: change my whole entire life.

78 shares on Facebook this month:

There’s nothing I hate more than being comfy in bed and suddenly needing to pee.

36 shares on X this month:

I try not to post too much, to give everyone else a better chance at being seen.

30 shares on Reddit this month:

The older you get, the farther away your toenails are when they need a trim.

34 shares on Messenger this month:

I hate when I get ready too quickly and have to sit on the couch, fully dressed, and wait like an idiot.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇾 has viewed:

I’m at the age when riding around town, I say, “When did they build that?”

Someone from 🇬🇩 has copied:

Andrew Tate is what you’d get if Axe body spray gained consciousness.

Someone from 🇳🇿 has bookmarked:

I’ll never be badass enough to walk around chewing on a toothpick.

Someone from 🇦🇷 has downloaded:

Somebody should market a beer called “Occasionally”. So when asked, I can say, “I only drink occasionally”.

Someone from 🇱🇰 has viewed:

If you wanna make someone cry, just show them the earliest year they can retire.

Someone from 🇬🇩 has viewed:

You’ll never be as lazy as the person who named the fireplace.

Someone from 🇰🇲 has shared:

Australia is like someone’s still playing Jumanji.

Someone from 🇩🇯 has downloaded:

A DM? Flirt on the timeline like a real man.

Someone from 🇿🇼 has downloaded:

Doing all of this just to die in the end! LMAO!

Someone from 🇷🇼 has copied:

Way too many low IQ conspiracy theories floating around. Give me high IQ conspiracy theories.

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Messenger:

There is still plenty of room in my heart, but the bouncer has become a little stricter in recent years.

Making waves on Slack:

I am a man, a man with a cold, so I guess this is goodbye.

Shared recently on TikTok:

There are people who have a favourite colour, and there are people whose favourite colour is purple. These are very different things. Purple fans are different creatures.

Live now on Slack:

You think you’ve seen gold diggers, until you see a male friend group where only one of them made it.

Spreading quickly via WhatsApp:

Word on the street is that the fire in your heart is out.

Trending via Facebook:

How quickly family vacations go from “Omg, we only have 4 days left” to “Omg, we still have 4 days left”

Live now on Pinterest:

I know so many people with cats, and only a tiny number of them went to a shelter and picked out a cat. Everyone else I know with a cat has a story that’s like, ‘Yeah, he just moved in.’

Spotted on Twitch:

Everyone wants a goth girlfriend until she starts doing goth things.

Just shared via WhatsApp:

Where do I see myself in 5 years? I don’t even know where I am right now.

Freshly posted on Instagram:

That was pointless, we could’ve just stayed strangers.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Just blocked all the ugly people, so if you see this… what’s up, big sexy?

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

This economy requires two hustlers working together – not a hustler and a leech. It’s too expensive to be out here carrying dead weight.

I like to stay grounded by keeping the weight of the world on my shoulders.

Dry January is so funny. People are like, “How can I make the worst month of the year even worse?”

Age range on my dating app set to 40+. Y’all fighting over grapes while I’m drinking wine.

I don’t need the audio tour at the museum, I have my teen to provide critical commentary the entire time.

Can we call situationships ‘affairs’ again? It sounds more adult and less desperate.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨