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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇱🇰 has downloaded:

Next time I feel butterflies, I’m chugging down a bottle of tequila so they drown.

Someone from 🇱🇦 has viewed:

If you’re riding in my car, that little middle piece is for my elbow — not yours.

Someone from 🇲🇨 has viewed:

If I were karma, I’d watch my back.

Someone from 🇦🇿 has viewed:

If you have a Roomba, but don’t dress it up in little outfits, then what are you even doing?

Someone from 🇮🇪 has bookmarked:

I hate when people are like “you are so nice”. I’m ugly, I have no other choice.

Someone from 🇨🇳 has shared:

I get it, sauce, I also thicken over time.

Someone from 🇧🇦 has downloaded:

To the tune of ‘Everybody Dance Now’: Himalayan Sea Salt

Someone from 🇲🇦 has copied:

Naps are like gambling for the tired. You either wake up refreshed or too late to lots of angry texts.

Someone from 🇰🇿 has viewed:

I’m looking for a moisturizer to hide the fact that I’ve been tired since 2010.

Someone from 🇱🇺 has downloaded:

If I were God, I’d tell everyone that I created the animals and that I don’t know what happened after that.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Updated

Jan 19, 2026

Users Online

3,726

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via Twitch:

Sorry for acting weird, I am weird, and it will happen again.

Live now on Facebook:

When I say “the other day”, it can be anytime between yesterday and my birth.

Seen just now on Reddit:

January-me would not believe the life I lived this year.

Freshly posted on TikTok:

New email opener just dropped: “I am interested in bothering you!”

Spotted on TikTok:

The greatest trick the devil ever pulled was making all of the food that is unhealthy for you taste so good.

Seen just now on Discord:

It’s called a “sports car” because getting out of one after 40 is a physical event.

Going viral on Threads:

Is there really anything worse than being forced to watch a video on someone else’s phone and having to pretend to laugh for 2 minutes?

Making waves on Snapchat:

The future is buffering.

Spotted on LinkedIn:

(While my wife opens up her Christmas present) Remember when you said we needed milk?

Freshly posted on YouTube:

Sometimes I’m out in public and I have to look down real quick to make sure I remembered to put on pants.

Lack of sex really gets you mad at every little thing for no reason.

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Commentary:
When you're arguing with your toaster because it dared to burn your toast… 🍞🔥😡

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Keep the laugh going 😂

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Social Media Stars ⭐

27 shares on Threads this month:

Arkansas is just Kansas for pirates.

66 shares on Threads this month:

And to my children I leave my collection of tote bags and gift bags.

66 shares on WeChat this month:

If you breakdance you buy dance.

36 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Delightful if true: booby trap.

87 shares on Snapchat this month:

Girls know how to flirt until it’s with someone they actually like.

11 shares on Twitch this month:

Having a girlfriend who doesn’t post herself on social media is an underrated blessing.

40 shares on LinkedIn this month:

The cinema vibe is my favorite, you literally forget about the world for like 2-3 hours.

21 shares on Pinterest this month:

“Too much garlic”? What’s next? Too much love? Too much desire?

100 shares on Discord this month:

The amount of water you actually need to drink to be hydrated is so obscene. Who does this body think it is? A data center?

40 shares on Messenger this month:

I need a horror movie where a kidnapper abducts a possessed child and finds out.

Trending Topics 📁

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Hot Jokes 💥

17 folks are currently checking 👀

If you’ve never had a cheeseburger change your mood, you’ve never had a cheeseburger.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

If I had The Force, I’d just use it to open pistachios.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

Can’t wait for when we’re all in our 80’s and still tweeting.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

Give yourself time to heal. A couple of decades should do it.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

If you don’t like me, remember: it’s mind over matter. I don’t mind, and you don’t matter.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

I love reading a menu. Look at all this stuff I want to eat.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

All of my passwords are protected by short-term memory loss.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

Do you think the washing machine and the dryer are actual friends or just work friends?

12 folks are currently checking 👀

Thanksgiving is just me trying to look cute while holding a fork like a medieval warrior.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

A sperm bank implies the existence of sperm markets, which further implies the existence of high-frequency sperm trading.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Updated

Jan 19, 2026

Users Online

3,624

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇿🇲 has shared:

I’ve been having a rough day for about 5 years now.

Someone from 🇸🇾 has shared:

Made it to Friday, but at what cost? Monday is literally in 20 minutes.

Someone from 🇪🇪 has copied:

She didn’t leave you on read, bro. You left her on speechless.

Someone from 🇹🇭 has downloaded:

The first time you forgive out of love. The second time out of hope and the third time out of stupidity.

Someone from 🇬🇾 has shared:

People thinking you’re dumb is one of the best advantages you can have.

Someone from 🇨🇦 has viewed:

I like to people-watch, but I’m an advanced people-watcher. When I spot another people-watcher, I like to watch them watching other people.

Someone from 🇫🇮 has viewed:

The toddler refers to every baby as Baby [Name], like Baby is their formal title.

Someone from 🇲🇽 has viewed:

My signature move is to tell men that I can’t hear them because I have my headphones in when I quite visibly don’t have headphones in.

Someone from 🇧🇫 has copied:

I come from a long line of people with something wrong with them.

Someone from 🇬🇼 has bookmarked:

My husband saw a rabbit in our yard eating grass and said “That would be like sitting in a field of french fries.”

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Messenger:

Fleetwood Mac said that I could go my own way, your honor.

Trending via LinkedIn:

My fitness goal is to lose two straight jacket sizes.

Broadcasted on TikTok:

I’m still waiting for the day my parents will say, “It’s all fake, we are millionaires, this was just to teach you to be humble”.

Just landed via Threads:

At my age I don’t sleep, I nap between pee breaks.

Just landed via Telegram:

I only sleep so my phone can get the night off.

Just landed via TikTok:

Not to brag, but I can trip over things that aren’t even there!

Seen just now on Instagram:

Saying “Hmmmm” when my boss walks in so he knows I’m thinking about stuff.

Making waves on Reddit:

It’s not about the cards you’re dealt, but how you play the hand you’ve got hidden up your sleeve.

Shared recently on Reddit:

“You’re so self-aware!” Thanks, it’s ruining my life.

Making waves on Pinterest:

I’ve got the nativity scene facing the TV, so baby Jesus can watch “Die Hard.”

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