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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇹 has shared:

Back in my day, if you were 14 on the internet, you kept that to yourself.

Someone from 🇹🇱 has copied:

That moment the doorbell rings and you tip toe to the window pretending you’re not home.

Someone from 🇸🇮 has copied:

Dear 8 hours of sleep, I miss you so much.

Someone from 🇪🇹 has bookmarked:

I thought there was a spider on the rug but it was just yarn. It’s dead yarn now though.

Someone from 🇬🇩 has bookmarked:

Not arguing with a man that can cook. Whatever you say, handsome.

Someone from 🇲🇲 has downloaded:

My mind is like someone dumped the entire junk drawer on a trampoline.

Someone from 🇸🇳 has shared:

I like listening to true crime podcasts while I clean my bathroom because I can pretend I’m destroying evidence.

Someone from 🇻🇺 has copied:

I have this epiphany every night that I need to turn it up a notch.

Someone from 🇻🇪 has shared:

I don’t argue with my kids anymore. I just vacuum every surface of the living room while they’re trying to watch TV.

Someone from 🇷🇼 has viewed:

I like my mornings to be slow and quiet. I want the day to romance me a bit before it tries to mess me up.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

215 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,484

Funny Quotes Topics

17,554

Funny Quotes Images

15,484

Updated

Jan 5, 2026

Users Online

3,635

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via LinkedIn:

I met the real Santa tonight, and he said you’re all in trouble.

Just shared via LinkedIn:

“I’m doing better than my parents at my age. They had, like, no followers.”

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

Today I broke my personal record for most consecutive days lived.

Going viral on Snapchat:

That’s me in the corner, that’s me in the spotlight, spreading goat cheese on a bagel.

Going viral on Slack:

All the observable evidence suggests that, if I was much worse at my job, I’d be more likely to get a promotion to senior management.

Freshly posted on Twitch:

Jobs be asking me for 3 references, and I think I might start doing the same. Like, let me talk to 3 happy employees, please.

Trending via Pinterest:

The lion is actually pretty concerned right now.

Seen just now on WhatsApp:

In case you wanna quit vaping, I’d suggest using a harmonica.

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

If alcohol damages your short-term memory, imagine what alcohol can do.

Broadcasted on YouTube:

Sunsets and women are undoubtedly God’s best creations.

Me rereading his texts after we’ve already said goodnight just so I can giggle and blush all over again.

1 month ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Plot twist: I’m the main character of my own rom-com, and the script is just our texts! 📚😂💕"

after, again, blush, cute, cute moment, giggle, goodnight, i, just, late, late night, love, me, message, moment, night, over, reread, romance, said, text, texts

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

I woke up from a deep sleep in a panic thinking I was late for work. Thankfully, I was already there.

0

2 months ago

alarm, confusion, deep, humor, i, late, morning, panic, relief, sleep, thinking, wake, wake up, woke, work
The best part of having a failing memory is that you can wrap up presents for yourself, and when it comes time to open them, you are honestly surprised.

0

1 month ago

best, failing, forgetfulness, gift, having, humor, memory, open, present, presents, self-gift, surprise, time, wrap, yourself
I used to judge cat owners for giving in to their pets’ whims too easily, but holy shit, these animals are relentless and would starve themselves to organ failure just because one time, weeks ago, they had a taste of some ‘better’ food.

0

5 months ago

ago, animal, animals, better, cat, cat owner, easily, failure, food, giving, holy, humor, i, judge, just, organ, organ failure, owner, pet, pets, shit, starve, stubborn, taste, time, too, used, weeks, whim
Name a better duo than sad and depressed.

0

2 months ago

better, comedy, depressed, duo, emotions, humor, irony, name, relationship, sad
Bartender asked me to give his place a one-star Google review to keep the vibe lowkey. Insane method.

0

4 weeks ago

asked, bar, bartender, give, Google, google review, humor, insane, keep, lowkey, me, method, one-star, place, prank, review, vibe
So far, every Miss Universe winner has been from Earth.

0

4 months ago

beauty, beauty pageant, Earth, every, humor, joke, miss, Miss Universe, pageant, space, universe, winner

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

73 shares on Snapchat this month:

Today sucked so bad, I had to stop by the liquor store on my way to the bar.

69 shares on Messenger this month:

I look stable, but I talk to animals, and wait for them to reply.

32 shares on Facebook this month:

This year has gone by so quick. Christmas is basically tomorrow.

11 shares on Facebook this month:

I’m a kid at heart and a senior citizen at my knees and back.

16 shares on Pinterest this month:

How dare you say I’m crazy on the eve of my cat’s wedding?

91 shares on Reddit this month:

If I would’ve known that you were going to ask me what I was thinking, I wouldn’t have been thinking what I was thinking.

92 shares on Facebook this month:

Every night, millions of teeth go unbrushed.

81 shares on Twitch this month:

It triggers the little girl in me when I feel like I’m not being listened to when I’m talking.

16 shares on Facebook this month:

Employees should have to take their boss’s last name.

21 shares on Discord this month:

Ever since I was little, I knew I wanted people to watch how they speak to me.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇪 has downloaded:

I wish I was a kid again so everyone would be proud of me for taking a long nap.

Someone from 🇧🇴 has bookmarked:

You don’t scare me. I used to have to call and ask a girl’s parents if she was there.

Someone from 🇩🇯 has shared:

Your card declining when you know you have money is a very funny experience.

Someone from 🇸🇰 has downloaded:

Butterflies all seem so nice but I’ll bet some of them are real bastards.

Someone from 🇧🇮 has downloaded:

Andrew Tate is what you’d get if Axe body spray gained consciousness.

Someone from 🇭🇺 has downloaded:

Donuts are beautiful creatures, and they deserve their own week on the nature channels.

Someone from 🇹🇳 has viewed:

Turns out “YouTube rabbit hole” is not a reliable science degree.

Someone from 🇪🇷 has copied:

I want a girlfriend so she can make me do shit like pottery, and I act like I don’t want to go.

Someone from 🇬🇧 has copied:

Public transportation is great, but they should invent a type where it’s only me in the vehicle.

Someone from 🇲🇰 has viewed:

My soulmate probably seen my posts and deleted me.

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Discord:

Songs discovered from movies are usually a masterpiece.

Freshly posted on TikTok:

I commented to a friend that I didn’t know how goofy Scream was. It turns out I have never seen Scream. I saw Scary Movie.

Trending via Messenger:

I’m just a Whole Foods girl on a Walmart budget.

Spotted on Instagram:

I don’t post for money or fame, I post because there’s something seriously wrong with me.

Just landed via Instagram:

The best part of being a bomb technician is that you can never have a bad day at work. The worst part of being a bomb technician is that you can never have a bad day at work.

Breaking via Telegram:

My mental health is as reliable as a flashlight in a horror film.

Spotted on Messenger:

We’d never met, or even spoken, but I could tell just from gazing into her pale blue eyes I had stepped on her toe.

Making waves on Discord:

Had to sit with a straight face while my landlord told me I was paying his rent and mortgage for him.

Trending via Twitch:

Please don’t delete your post. Yes, it was pretty stupid, but my reply to it was a masterpiece.

Making waves on WhatsApp:

If you were the birthday gift I bought my wife some months ago, where would you be hiding?

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Me rereading his texts after we’ve already said goodnight just so I can giggle and blush all over again.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

I woke up from a deep sleep in a panic thinking I was late for work. Thankfully, I was already there.

The best part of having a failing memory is that you can wrap up presents for yourself, and when it comes time to open them, you are honestly surprised.

I used to judge cat owners for giving in to their pets’ whims too easily, but holy shit, these animals are relentless and would starve themselves to organ failure just because one time, weeks ago, they had a taste of some ‘better’ food.

Name a better duo than sad and depressed.

Bartender asked me to give his place a one-star Google review to keep the vibe lowkey. Insane method.

So far, every Miss Universe winner has been from Earth.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨