Meatloaf is a good safe word. It means I would do anything for love, but I won’t do that…

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Having a low quality camera will definitely force you to keep your life private.

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Diet hack: Spend your money filling up your gas tank so you won’t have money for groceries.

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If we start dating now, we could be feeding each other deviled eggs on Thanksgiving, and breaking up before we have to exchange gifts for Christmas.

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Everyone is always talking about raising money for dogs without homes, but what about the ones who don’t have cars?

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I’d change my name to laundry if it meant you’d think about doing me every day.

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I feel like an adult spelling bee would humble a lot of us.

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They get real weird at the gun store if you walk in crying and asking for “the biggest one”.

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I prefer to use deodorant immediately after shaving my armpits so that I can feel that I’m still alive.

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Doctors don’t really need to hit you with that rubber hammer, it’s just how they release a lil tension through the day.

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How can vampires enjoy drinking our hot blood in the summer and other thoughts that keep me up at night.