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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇻🇪 has downloaded:

“It’s swimsuit season” I say, eating another swimsuit.

Someone from 🇨🇾 has downloaded:

Asking the birds outside my window if they know any Metallica.

Someone from 🇲🇻 has downloaded:

I don’t think I’ve ever made the right amount of pasta.

Someone from 🇨🇩 has shared:

I need to stop saying “Oppa Gagnam Style!” to fill in awkward pauses in conversation.

Someone from 🇲🇾 has copied:

If you turn your phone off for 1 day, you’ll realize it’s still 2007 outside.

Someone from 🇷🇼 has copied:

I already know how it will end. One of my children will unplug my life support to charge their phone.

Someone from 🇻🇳 has downloaded:

A moment of silence for the paycheck that was in my account for five minutes.

Someone from 🇲🇺 has copied:

If I’m too much, go find less. I’m not running a clearance sale.

Someone from 🇲🇱 has downloaded:

Cleaning a house with children in it is like shoveling snow on the North Pole.

Someone from 🇦🇲 has shared:

I once broke up with a guy because he ate half my french fries, and when I get really lonely, I still think about those french fries.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,442

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on YouTube:

Whoever said it was okay to let your pets sleep in your bed, thanks a lot, now my goldfish is dead.

Going viral on Twitch:

Sex is cool, but have you ever had a can opener that actually works?

Just shared via Twitch:

I want a girlfriend so hot that people walking down the street know that I am funny.

Making waves on X:

I think you’re like the cat’s meow, annoying yet sweet.

Just landed via Telegram:

Blood pressure too high to chase these hoes.

Seen just now on Twitch:

If you’re doing Dry January, please, please, keep it to yourself. Nobody cares, and you’re probably even more boring without alcohol.

Live now on Facebook:

I want to have a penguin that just waddles up to me whenever I’m sad.

Broadcasted on Telegram:

Jurassic Park came out decades ago, and now I feel like a fossil.

Making waves on Telegram:

Water bottle leaking in your bag is a top 10 worst experience.

Just landed via Messenger:

I’ve skipped midlife crisis and gone straight to birdwatching.

Meatloaf is a good safe word. It means I would do anything for love, but I won’t do that…

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Meatloaf is a good safe word. It means I would do anything for love, but I won’t do that…
Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Meatloaf as a safe word? 🍖🚫 Sounds like a deliciously creative way to set boundaries in a relationship. I guess some things are just too meaty to handle! 😂 #MeatloafDrama"

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

74 shares on Instagram this month:

I don’t know what i’m going to be for Halloween, so I’m probably just going to put in a tampon and go as a sexy kite.

71 shares on Telegram this month:

I stop myself at least twice a day from posting a status that would make everyone grab popcorn.

75 shares on YouTube this month:

It turns out when someone asks who your favorite child is, you’re supposed to choose from your own. I know that now.

16 shares on Messenger this month:

If I ever had to fight a bear, I hope it’s a gummy bear.

90 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Extroverts love our energy. That’s why they suck it out of us.

70 shares on Messenger this month:

Why is nobody questioning the quietness of the cosmos?

58 shares on Reddit this month:

When your parents are on a call and they ask for a pen, man, that pressure is real.

66 shares on Instagram this month:

Cannabis has many benefits. For example, it makes you retarded. But in addition, it also makes you lazy. No worries though, it also makes you fat and insane.

82 shares on LinkedIn this month:

When a man is a good cook, that cancels out like three red flags.

64 shares on Snapchat this month:

I don’t have read receipts on my phone because why would I tell on myself like that?

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

16 folks are currently checking 👀

Waiting in the grocery store parking lot for the rotisserie chickens to be ready. The thrill of the hunt.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

If swimming is such good exercise, explain whales.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

Every night, millions of teeth go unbrushed.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

Nothing guarantees running into someone you know in public better than looking like a feral animal on two hours of sleep.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

You were promised to me 3,000 years ago.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

The man who invented the Ferris wheel never met the man who invented the merry-go-round. They traveled in different circles.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

God invented war so that Americans can learn geography.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

There is no reason to be a people pleaser. People are never pleased.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

I’ve walked the walk, but nowadays I just sit the sit.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

Spiraling out of control if anyone wants anything.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,661

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇷 has downloaded:

A couple of years ago, the internet was an escape from the real world. Today, the real world is an escape from the internet.

Someone from 🇨🇱 has shared:

All day I think about sleep but when it’s time to go to bed I don’t wanna.

Someone from 🇰🇷 has viewed:

After having received my free sample of winter, I would like to cancel my subscription please.

Someone from 🇮🇪 has copied:

“Too much garlic”? What’s next? Too much love? Too much desire?

Someone from 🇧🇴 has shared:

In honor of the winter solstice, I also will be cold, distant and filled with darkness.

Someone from 🇳🇮 has bookmarked:

No parenting book prepares you for the stank of your kid’s soccer bag.

Someone from 🇧🇿 has bookmarked:

Ever since I was a little girl, I knew I’d grow up to be a weird freak.

Someone from 🇬🇹 has viewed:

Slowly descending into madness. Anyone want anything?

Someone from 🇲🇽 has copied:

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again because I have a terrible memory.

Someone from 🇵🇱 has downloaded:

Telling the cop I’ll give him his nose back if he lowers his firearm.

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Telegram:

My hair dryer is so powerful that it doubles as my leaf blower.

Just landed via WeChat:

It’s actually crazy we figured out how to grow real diamonds that are cheaper and better quality than the real thing, and so many people are still like, no thanks, the suffering is what makes it special.

Making waves on Slack:

I won’t bore you with my problems because all of my problems are fascinating.

Just shared via WeChat:

Shoutout to Netflix for being the only one that checks in on me every few hours. “Are you still watching?” Yeah, babe, thank you for asking.

Trending via Snapchat:

Please don’t ever speak to me about math. I’ve moved on.

Just landed via Reddit:

Half of my problems are because I said “sure” instead of “no.”

Seen just now on Facebook:

Ever notice how many towns are named after their water tower?

Live now on Threads:

Welcome to your 40s, you now respond to every younger person telling you their age with “Jesus Christ”.

Just landed via WhatsApp:

Daffodil totally sounds like an insult, you blooming daffodil.

Just shared via LinkedIn:

Moment of silence for those who received mugs that aren’t microwave- and dishwasher-safe.

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