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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇮 has viewed:

Stay an extra hour in the office and no one cares. Arrive a few minutes late and everyone loses their minds.

Someone from 🇦🇷 has viewed:

All I think about is death and sex.

Someone from 🇸🇿 has bookmarked:

Does everyone in the world want to come to my house tomorrow?

Someone from 🇸🇰 has copied:

Why call it a “step dad” when you could have called it a faux pas?

Someone from 🇱🇻 has viewed:

If you turn your phone off for 1 day, you’ll realize it’s still 2007 outside.

Someone from 🇹🇿 has bookmarked:

Headless mannequins are great because they let you see how you’ll look wearing a new shirt after you’ve been decapitated.

Someone from 🇦🇴 has shared:

I have a bit of an inferiority complex. But it’s not a very good one.

Someone from 🇧🇿 has downloaded:

These weekends are starting to feel as long as a lunch break.

Someone from 🇦🇬 has viewed:

Deodorant? No, I never need to buy any. People just give it to me. Complete strangers sometimes.

Someone from 🇰🇮 has shared:

Reverse cowgirl so I can bend backward and look at him like the Exorcist.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Jan 31, 2026

Users Online

3,409

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

This year is starting to feel like it needs to be left outside until we see if it can act right.

Breaking via Instagram:

Super excited about a brand new week of hanging on by a thread.

Making waves on YouTube:

I’m trying to shower you with affection. It doesn’t matter how I got into your bathroom.

Going viral on WhatsApp:

You ever notice how when you get home from food shopping, the kids turn into airport security?

Spotted on Pinterest:

More dangerous than a lion that roars is a woman gone silent.

Trending via Twitch:

Ever looked at your ex and wondered, was I drunk the entire relationship?

Making waves on WhatsApp:

Sorry, my bedroom looks like a child with a credit card decorated it. Do you still want to bone?

Going bananas on WhatsApp:

Quickie so fast, it’s called secs.

Seen just now on Pinterest:

Sometimes I feel useless, but then I remember I breathe out carbon dioxide for plants.

Seen just now on X:

Spending 5 minutes looking up every word I want to use in a sentence to make sure I can define it in case they ask.

Men be like “I hate drama,” and then have love triangles, secret babies, a wife, side chick, ex that’s still around, breadcrumbs, and unhealed trauma.

Playful quote highlighting men's love for drama and complicated relationships.
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Commentary:
Sounds like they're auditioning for a reality TV show! 🎬😂👶💔

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Social Media Stars ⭐

35 shares on Twitch this month:

When someone asks why you don’t have kids just say “dingoes”.

49 shares on Facebook this month:

The trash gets picked up tomorrow. Be ready.

91 shares on WeChat this month:

My career goal is to be able to just delete my LinkedIn account at some point.

94 shares on Messenger this month:

Whoever named rice cakes is probably also responsible for Paris, Texas.

70 shares on LinkedIn this month:

This call, should’ve been a message in a bottle I never found.

90 shares on X this month:

I wish my life could have a stats screen but for things I care about. Like how many English Muffins with peanut butter I’ve eaten.

37 shares on Threads this month:

I hope one of the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse is single.

88 shares on Threads this month:

We’re so close to “Let’s circle back next year” season, I can taste it.

65 shares on Snapchat this month:

Hell hath no fury like a toddler getting his nose wiped.

77 shares on WhatsApp this month:

It’s important to follow your significant other around the grocery store, not helping, and only hovering like the specter of death.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

23 folks are currently checking 👀

Back in my day, if you were 14 on the internet, you kept that to yourself.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

An apple a day keeps the doctor away, but if the doctor is cute, forget the fruit.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

I don’t care for small talk. I prefer awkward silence.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

The struggle to get off the couch and into bed is real.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

I was once told that if you can’t say anything nice, don’t say anything at all. Due to this, I’ve been observing a vow of silence since 1997.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

The Sims fulfills the millennial fantasy of being able to afford a house in a walkable neighborhood on the salary of a professional carrot peeler.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

Super excited about a brand new week of hanging on by a thread.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

Sure the Lego botanical sets are great but dusting them is another story.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

The word abbreviation sure is long for what it means.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

The females who don’t go through phones will definitely find out through dreams.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Jan 31, 2026

Users Online

3,714

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇭 has shared:

Looking for someone who loves me as much as some people love standing up the second a plane lands.

Someone from 🇧🇭 has shared:

I deal with my personal problems the same way I study for tests, I don’t.

Someone from 🇵🇦 has copied:

If Keith Richards survived the ’70s, the ’80s, and 1.2 million Marlboros, I can probably survive anything.

Someone from 🇧🇩 has copied:

An escape room, but it’s just your thoughts. Good luck.

Someone from 🇱🇻 has copied:

Please just wait until my mating ritual is over before you decide.

Someone from 🇧🇮 has bookmarked:

A social media post so confusing you turn your music down to read it.

Someone from 🇹🇻 has bookmarked:

Tonight I will make history, by turning off incognito mode.

Someone from 🇬🇷 has bookmarked:

It’s crazy I need a certificate to prove I was born when you can literally just look at me.

Someone from 🇪🇸 has copied:

My bed wasn’t feeling well this morning, so I had to stay home to take care of it.

Someone from 🇨🇫 has shared:

They’re calling me the unemployee of the month.

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Slack:

I love when someone is telling a story and you can tell even from their version that they’re the villain.

Spreading quickly via Discord:

Establish dominance at work by drinking iced tea in a wine glass.

Freshly posted on Slack:

Tattoo idea for men: spider webs in the corners of the receding hairline.

Breaking via Reddit:

Your nose is in the middle of your face because it is the scenter.

Just shared via Instagram:

She is so narcissistic that her narcissism has narcissism.

Spotted on Messenger:

I would reset the clock on your microwave for you.

Freshly posted on Slack:

Stop animal testing! Use my ex!

Spotted on Slack:

Unfortunately, I don’t give ugly men a chance, because they wouldn’t give me one if I were the ugly one.

Going bananas on YouTube:

And then the vodka whispered, “Say what you really think.”

Going viral on YouTube:

I’m not lazy, I’m just highly selective about what I suffer for.

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