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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇪 has shared:

I don’t question my wife’s choices because I’m one of them.

Someone from 🇲🇭 has shared:

I’d like to place an order for a large kiss and an extra-long hug.

Someone from 🇯🇲 has downloaded:

Can drunk people actually not control their actions or is it just an excuse to do some crazy stuff?

Someone from 🇮🇪 has bookmarked:

I wish I could invoice people for wasting my time.

Someone from 🇮🇹 has bookmarked:

A simple “hi” can be the beginning of two years of therapy.

Someone from 🇲🇱 has copied:

We must all do our part for the planet. The other day I unplugged a row of electric cars nobody was using.

Someone from 🇲🇲 has downloaded:

Never miss a good chance to shut up.

Someone from 🇸🇻 has viewed:

Just saying “Think about it!” is enough to overwhelm many people these days.

Someone from 🇬🇾 has shared:

The gap in my resume is because I was trying to reach enlightenment for 5 years.

Someone from 🇩🇰 has copied:

My favorite genre of tweet is conservative guy asking Grok, ‘Is this true?’ and then arguing with it when it doesn’t give him the answer he likes.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

676 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Dec 31, 2025

4,064

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on TikTok:

Please stop adding touchscreens to cars. Most of these idiots can barely drive as it is.

Just landed via TikTok:

My bed has a stronger influence on me than my ambitions.

Trending via TikTok:

A beautiful woman should never have to send an email. Yet, such tragedies occur every day.

Shared recently on Discord:

David Attenborough narrating my life: “He’s still sleeping.”

Spotted on Discord:

Sorry, I can’t today. I have to sit in my room and make matters worse.

Going bananas on Slack:

Took control of my life today and canceled my AOL subscription.

Live now on Twitch:

Kinda rude that your reward for struggling through stuff is still dying at the end anyway.

Going viral on Reddit:

Another fine day ruined by responsibilities.

Just landed via TikTok:

I hate it when people threaten to come over. Now I’ve got to do 2 years of housework in 30 minutes.

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

It’s important that everyone takes really good pictures of me this summer.

My dentist said my teeth were stained and asked if I smoke or drink coffee? I said, “I drink it.”

2 months ago

0

My dentist said my teeth were stained and asked if I smoke or drink coffee? I said, “I drink it.”

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Well, well, well, looks like this person knows how to multitask – staying awake with coffee while also staining those pearly whites! 😂🦷☕️ Just remember, moderation is key…unless you're trying to match your teeth with your favorite coffee mug!

asked, coffee, dental, dental visit, dentist, drink, humor, i, joke, smoke, stain, teeth, visit

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

My doctor told me “good luck” and gave me finger guns, so obviously I’m dying.

0

2 months ago

doctor, dying, finger, finger guns, good, good luck, guns, health, humor, joke, luck, me, sarcasm, told
Making art is making love to the world.

0

1 day ago

art, creativity, expression, love, making, world
My phone is like my lover, it’s the last thing I see at night, and the first thing I wake up to every morning.

0

2 months ago

attachment, i, last, lover, morning, night, phone, relationship, routine, technology, thing, wake
The best time to visit Japan is when you have money!

0

2 months ago

best, budget, humor, Japan, money, time, timing, travel, vacation, visit
I’m so old, I used to block people by simply holding the door shut.

0

2 months ago

aging, block, door, holding, humor, i, isolation, old, people, shut, used
There is nothing an orgasm can’t fix, I have researched it extensively.

0

2 months ago

fix, fun, humor, i, joke, nothing, orgasm, pleasure, research, solution

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

18 shares on YouTube this month:

Don’t forget to set your clocks back to seasonal depression this weekend.

76 shares on Facebook this month:

My morning coffee makes me feel like I’ve got my shit together. I don’t, but it makes me feel like I do.

17 shares on Pinterest this month:

Venn diagrams. You either love ‘em or you hate ‘em. Or you’re somewhere in the middle.

70 shares on X this month:

Is everything expensive or am I just poor?

79 shares on Telegram this month:

Today is a wonderful day to leave me alone.

87 shares on X this month:

Savannah is one of the only girl’s names that’s also a significant “biome”.

17 shares on X this month:

Money doesn’t impress me. Giving it to me does.

98 shares on Messenger this month:

When someone dies people say “he’s going to meet his Maker”. No he’s not. God doesn’t mingle with the staff.

97 shares on Instagram this month:

I love asking 5 different people for advice then doing what I want.

17 shares on WeChat this month:

Stop trying to be liked by everybody. You don’t even like everybody.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

13 folks are currently checking 👀

There should be a way to take back a compliment bestowed upon a person who doesn’t acknowledge it well.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

I bet whenever a pilot drives a car there’s a brief moment of panic like “why isn’t it going up?”

11 folks are currently checking 👀

Always keep a dog eared book on your nightstand so that people think you know how to read.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

I could never journal, I’d start lying in there too.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

My red flag is that I don’t make playlists on Spotify. I just add every song I’ve ever liked to the ‘Liked Songs’ playlist and shuffle that, like an iPod.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m chronically online in a different and more sophisticated way than you are.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

If you can’t handle me at my worst, you don’t deserve me at my horniest.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

Got sent to HR for calling someone a “jellyfish” — just floating around all day, doing absolutely nothing.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

I just read a thing that said I should compliment myself on my decisions, regardless of the outcome. No thanks, I’m not the government.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

Girls with long hair will literally leave little traces of themselves wherever they go, like feathers falling from an angel’s wings.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

676 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,727

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇮🇹 has downloaded:

Remember before social media you would have to pick up the phone and call someone to tell them how much you love bacon?

Someone from 🇱🇮 has viewed:

There should be a true crime story about feeding someone a peanut butter sandwich and giving them nothing to drink.

Someone from 🇦🇱 has shared:

My brain says “Let’s do something exciting today” but my body says “Don’t listen to that fool.”

Someone from 🇰🇲 has bookmarked:

I used to think I was indecisive, but I’m not too sure any more.

Someone from 🇸🇲 has downloaded:

When God created the giraffe, he probably slipped with the mouse on the screen. This is how its neck was created.

Someone from 🇩🇪 has viewed:

I hate when people are like “you are so nice”. I’m ugly, I have no other choice.

Someone from 🇨🇱 has downloaded:

They need to invent a dishwasher with a window on it. I have to know what goes on in there.

Someone from 🇩🇲 has copied:

If there was a pill for procrastination… I’d probably take it tomorrow.

Someone from 🇳🇮 has copied:

Don’t play with the feelings I barely have.

Someone from 🇧🇮 has shared:

I love the smell of freshly brewed delusions in the morning.

Social Media Log 💫

Broadcasted on Snapchat:

There are risks you take when camping: severe weather, wild animals, someone bringing an acoustic guitar.

Seen just now on TikTok:

I really admire the suns ability to be exactly where my car’s visor can’t block it out.

Just landed via X:

I think it’s clear that companies making medicine have no idea what fruits taste like.

Just landed via YouTube:

The date didn’t go well but she was nice enough to send a PDF of everything I did wrong afterwards.

Just shared via Facebook:

God: “I don’t regret the Flood, but I do regret the Ark.”

Trending via Telegram:

People my age are on baby #2, and I’m on drink #5.

Going bananas on Instagram:

It’s getting very expensive to be alive.

Trending via Threads:

I can keep my mouth shut, but you can read the subtitles on my face.

Broadcasted on YouTube:

Let’s get married and have kids, so instead of relaxing during weeknights, we can go to seven practices and relearn algebra.

Live now on Facebook:

My signature move is forgetting someone’s name 2 seconds after they tell me.

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