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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇹 has shared:

I hope all of you get laid and not laid off this year. Amen.

Someone from 🇷🇼 has downloaded:

So I just keep making dinner? Every night of my life? For forever?

Someone from 🇭🇳 has bookmarked:

Me pulling into a full parking lot: Don’t these people have homes?

Someone from 🇱🇮 has bookmarked:

Apparently the thirstiest creature in the whole world is always a kid who’s been told to go back to his bed like a hundred times.

Someone from 🇵🇭 has downloaded:

I don’t always listen to Metallica, but when I do, so do my neighbors.

Someone from 🇸🇿 has shared:

Giving every single movie I watch a five star review because it’s just such a joy to be alive.

Someone from 🇩🇰 has copied:

The Welsh language was invented by a dad losing at Scrabble.

Someone from 🇨🇦 has downloaded:

Ever notice how many towns are named after their water tower?

Someone from 🇱🇾 has viewed:

We went out on a boat to see whales and the crew encouraged us to clap and cheer for the whales and boo at the regular fish.

Someone from 🇭🇳 has bookmarked:

We argue about where to go for dinner for so long, it eventually becomes an argument on where to go for breakfast.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

55 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,324

Funny Quotes Topics

17,443

Funny Quotes Images

15,324

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,443

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on TikTok:

Taking off my house pajamas to put on my errands pajamas.

Going viral on Twitch:

Gonna finish eating all these Christmas cookies so I’m no longer tempted to eat them.

Spreading quickly via X:

A haunted house, but it’s just a room full of people asking you to tell them a fun fact about yourself.

Seen just now on Twitch:

Can’t wait to get past this phase of my life. I need to see what all of this was for.

Just shared via Slack:

A job interview is basically a conversation between two liars.

Seen just now on X:

My son loves Monty Python. My work here is done.

Spotted on LinkedIn:

Once you find a pair of pants that fit you perfectly, it’s over for all your other pants.

Seen just now on TikTok:

Nothing prepares you for the day you wake up and realize you have a favorite cardigan.

Shared recently on Reddit:

Hear me out. What if we don’t elect another president, and we all just promise to be really good?

Going viral on Messenger:

Some people shop for designer heels. I shop for nonstop flight deals.

My favourite adult hack is when I carefully and thoughtfully put something very important away so I can’t lose it, and then I never find it again.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Ah, the classic 'hide-and-seek' technique: expert at hiding, pro at never seeking! 🕵️‍♀️🔍😂

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Trending Funny Quotes 👇

What we need is an evil Santa who steals our children’s most annoying toys.

0

2 months ago

annoying, annoying toy, children’s toy, children’s, Christmas, Christmas joke, evil, evil Santa, holiday, holiday humor, humor, joke, most, need, Santa, theft, toy, toy theft, toys
Literally no one understands something more completely than a woman in a meeting who starts a question with “Just so I understand …”

0

2 months ago

communication, gender, humor, i, just, meeting, office, professionalism, question, questions, something, understand, understanding, woman, women, workplace
If we were subway rats, I’d share my pizza crust with you.

0

5 months ago

crust, friendship, humor, ID, pizza, pizza crust, rat, share, sharing, Subway, subway rat
I never get as envious of parents as I do when their baby starts crying and they get to leave the event.

0

2 months ago

baby, crying, envy, escape, event, gathering, humor, i, leave, parents, social, social gathering
Women only want one thing and it is to walk down a dimly-lit cobblestone street with the devil.

0

2 months ago

activity, cobblestone, date, devil, dimly-lit, fun, fun activity, only, street, thing, walk, want, women
It’s amazing how much I accomplish around the house right before someone is coming over.

0

4 weeks ago

accomplish, amazing, around, before, cleaning, coming, house, housework, humor, i, motivation, much, over, preparation, procrastination, productivity, right, someone, visitor

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

81 shares on Reddit this month:

Rorschach tests are like so easy. Everything’s either a demon or a butterfly and it’s up to you to decide.

74 shares on Facebook this month:

I live in my own little world. But it’s ok, they know me here.

88 shares on Instagram this month:

Anyone who thinks things have got so bad that they can only get better is showing a remarkable lack of imagination.

93 shares on Slack this month:

Friday the 13th used to mean something. Now every day is awful.

79 shares on Facebook this month:

Me driving at night: I hope this is the road!

62 shares on WhatsApp this month:

When you have the money, you can go a whole day without eating. But when you’re broke, the dizziness starts at 6 a.m.

88 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Actually, men should take the pill. It makes more sense to unload the gun than to shoot at a bulletproof vest.

93 shares on Pinterest this month:

Abandoned amusement parks are so creepy. It’s no wonder they were abandoned.

28 shares on Facebook this month:

If you want to know who the bad guys are, it is the side who wants you arrested for memes and jokes.

11 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I feel like I’m in season 5 of my life, and the writers are just making ridiculous shit happen to keep it interesting.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇮🇩 has downloaded:

My shadow quit because I’m too boring.

Someone from 🇴🇲 has viewed:

Parenting sometimes feels like you’re an elevator. Lots of ups and downs and the kids love to push your buttons.

Someone from 🇲🇷 has downloaded:

If you go by “Toni,” I always think your full name is Rigatoni.

Someone from 🇪🇷 has shared:

It’s important to get out of the house every once in a while to get excited about going home.

Someone from 🇵🇱 has viewed:

I may not understand women, but cheeseburgers have never sent me mixed signals, and for that they’ll always have my heart.

Someone from 🇸🇰 has shared:

Optimist: The glass is ½ full. Pessimist: The glass is ½ empty. Excel: The glass is January 2nd.

Someone from 🇬🇦 has downloaded:

“I made this with AI.” Yeah, we can tell.

Someone from 🇿🇦 has shared:

I don’t argue with idiots on the Internet, I just keep scrolling and mind my own business.

Someone from 🇩🇰 has downloaded:

Lego better be trying to cure child cancer with how much their shit cost.

Someone from 🇦🇱 has bookmarked:

My anxiety is chronic, but my overthinking is iconic.

Social Media Log 💫

Going bananas on Pinterest:

Feeling morally and spiritually adrift without a Sunday HBO show.

Going viral on Threads:

Music just makes living on this earth a little bit more bearable.

Seen just now on Snapchat:

Imagine how scary sharks would be if they wore necklaces made out of our teeth.

Trending via Slack:

There is a giant spider on my dash so I’m going to have to buy a new car now.

Just landed via Telegram:

If I eat a magnet, will I become more attractive?

Going bananas on Slack:

My only regret is not leaving people alone the first time they moved funny.

Trending via YouTube:

Starting a new show sucks. Who are these people?

Shared recently on WeChat:

A girl hating you is a million times better than her calling you a ‘nice guy’.

Seen just now on Threads:

Single for Christmas, but at least I won’t be buying presents for a liar.

Breaking via YouTube:

Oops, I accidentally healed too much. I am now uninterested in anyone but mẹ.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

My favourite adult hack is when I carefully and thoughtfully put something very important away so I can’t lose it, and then I never find it again.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

What we need is an evil Santa who steals our children’s most annoying toys.

Literally no one understands something more completely than a woman in a meeting who starts a question with “Just so I understand …”

If we were subway rats, I’d share my pizza crust with you.

I never get as envious of parents as I do when their baby starts crying and they get to leave the event.

Women only want one thing and it is to walk down a dimly-lit cobblestone street with the devil.

It’s amazing how much I accomplish around the house right before someone is coming over.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨