Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇰🇭 has copied:

Deciding if I should heal or just give up and go completely insane.

Someone from 🇨🇿 has viewed:

I don’t flirt, I just say weird things and hope something sticks.

Someone from 🇹🇹 has downloaded:

When I finally snap it’ll be because I had to type my email address in on the TV.

Someone from 🇰🇳 has downloaded:

Sometimes, I feel like I need love, but the moment I finish eating, I realize I was just hungry.

Someone from 🇸🇦 has viewed:

I consider the second page of Google results the dark web.

Someone from 🇰🇼 has copied:

I have now spread out a blue tarpaulin in the garden. I want it to look like I have a pool on Google Maps.

Someone from 🇧🇦 has downloaded:

People said follow your dreams, so I went back to bed.

Someone from 🇸🇴 has bookmarked:

Spending 5 minutes looking up every word I want to use in a sentence to make sure I can define it in case they ask.

Someone from 🇬🇼 has copied:

You don’t have to be crazy to be friends with me. I also train people.

Someone from 🇦🇺 has copied:

The History Channel, because where else are you going to learn about how aliens were instrumental in the development of humanity?

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,708

Social Media Log 💫

Broadcasted on Snapchat:

My Facebook friends are like my pen collection. I have 100 but only one writes.

Breaking via WeChat:

You have to stay up as needlessly late as possible to make the next day as horrible and hard as possible.

Spreading quickly via TikTok:

Starting tomorrow whatever life throws at me, I’m ducking so it hits someone else.

Shared recently on WhatsApp:

I started my diet 2 hours ago, I’m glad that’s over.

Trending via Messenger:

Here’s a fun activity you can do with your kids on rainy days when they have too much energy: Go shopping and leave them at home with their dad.

Broadcasted on Telegram:

My ex thinks I’m with someone else, someone else thinks I’m with my ex, everyone wonders where I am. Here I am. Just enjoying my own life.

Making waves on Pinterest:

Don’t give up on your dreams. If cauliflower can be pizza and zucchini can be noodles, you too can be anything you want.

Just shared via Slack:

It’s okay if you don’t like me, not everyone has good taste.

Just landed via LinkedIn:

Not right now. I’m manifesting.

Spotted on Reddit:

Nothing hurts more than someone not getting your joke.

My hobbies include adding things to my cart, and never buying them.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Cart collector in training 🛒😂 Just call me the window shopping champion! 🏆✨

behavior, buying, cart, consumer, consumer behavior, humor, indecision, never, online, online shopping, procrastination, retail, retail therapy, shopping, therapy, things

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

That’s me in the corner, that’s me in the spotlight, spreading goat cheese on a bagel.

0

2 months ago

bagel, cheese, corner, food, funny situation, goat, goat cheese, humor, me, moment, personal, personal moment, situation, spotlight
My boss told me “It’s not rocket science.” Yeah, almost everything that exists is not rocket science.

0

2 months ago

boss, everything, existence, humor, me, rocket, rocket science, sarcasm, science, work
I hate having a messy house. Not enough to actually clean it, but enough to give it a disgusted stare while I peacefully relax on the couch.

0

2 months ago

clean, cleanliness, couch, disgusted, disgusted stare, hate, home, house, humor, i, laziness, messy, messy house, procrastination, relax, stare
Imagine thinking you have all the answers.

0

5 months ago

attitude, confidence, humor, imagination, imagine, irony, knowledge, sarcasm, thinking
I was about to organise my closet, but I then I found what I was looking for.

0

5 months ago

cleaning, closet, discovery, distraction, found, humor, i, looking, organise, procrastination, tidying, tidying up
Quitting my job to pursue my true passion: not working.

0

2 months ago

career, career change, change, humor, job, laziness, not working, passion, quitting, true, working

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

20 shares on X this month:

Once I shot a man with a paintball gun, just to watch him dye.

28 shares on Telegram this month:

I don’t really do one-night stands, but I will do, like, 3-8 months of a semi-toxic, undefined relationship that wastes my time and ruins my life.

52 shares on Slack this month:

Oh no, we don’t go in there. That room belongs to the spiders.

71 shares on Messenger this month:

Shoutout to everyone who can’t keep up with the laundry or the dishes but decided it was a great idea to start gardening.

64 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Girls don’t actually shop. We just walk round touching the clothes saying ‘this is cute’.

31 shares on TikTok this month:

I hate liars, but what I hate more is when they think I’m an idiot and won’t find out the truth.

53 shares on Facebook this month:

Convinced my kid her harmonica didn’t work because the instructions were missing.

23 shares on Reddit this month:

I can’t do the splits. But so far there has never been a situation where I’ve thought, “I should do the splits now.”

31 shares on Slack this month:

Rorschach tests are like so easy. Everything’s either a demon or a butterfly and it’s up to you to decide.

44 shares on YouTube this month:

Men have nice skin because they stress out everyone but themselves.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇳🇷 has copied:

I will marry a man who treats me delicately as if I’m a gift straight from heaven.

Someone from 🇲🇿 has bookmarked:

One of the main reasons to drink tea is because you can say, ‘Let me put the kettle on,’ and stuff like that.

Someone from 🇪🇬 has copied:

I love 12 a.m. to 5 a.m. The world is so quiet.

Someone from 🇰🇮 has shared:

Can anyone recommend some good behaviors for someone who just started behaving?

Someone from 🇹🇿 has viewed:

You’re supposed to store a treasure in your cleavage that’s why it’s called a chest.

Someone from 🇿🇼 has bookmarked:

Wishing all the contacts in my phone “Merry Christmas, I hope you get what you deserve” and just letting that work itself out.

Someone from 🇬🇹 has bookmarked:

Marriage is just asking each other, “What do you want to do for dinner?” and then replying, “No, not that,” until death do us part.

Someone from 🇸🇳 has downloaded:

Accidentally manifested an emotionally intelligent man that is hot and can cook. We’re currently staring at each other.

Someone from 🇵🇰 has viewed:

Crazy that caffeine has no short or long-term negative side effects. Just a super drug from God.

Someone from 🇳🇮 has downloaded:

Breaking: man who liked me first no longer likes me.

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Instagram:

At my age, I’m worried about tripping and falling, so I wear a helmet. I’m also worried about looking ridiculous, so I carry a skateboard.

Just landed via Pinterest:

Being a serial killer is much like being a comedian, in that you either hit it big and get your own Netflix special, or you spend eternity popping up on shitty podcasts.

Spotted on Snapchat:

My computer: Consider changing your password. Me: Consider fighting me in the streets.

Seen just now on Pinterest:

Trust my gut? The thing that makes weird gurgling noises immediately when a work meeting goes quiet.

Going bananas on WhatsApp:

I’m not going to die because of an accident. Nor because of an illness. But from small talk. Someone will say one boring sentence too many and I’ll drop dead.

Going bananas on Pinterest:

90% of debugging is just realizing your own stupidity in slow motion.

Freshly posted on Facebook:

I miss the way I viewed the world before I found out too much about it.

Going viral on Snapchat:

If you don’t have anything nice to say, sign up for Twitter.

Shared recently on Instagram:

I have a condition where if I don’t walk as fast as humanly possible wherever I go, I will die. I’m like the bus in Speed.

Shared recently on Snapchat:

Imagine playing Truth or Dare and they dare you to go home.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

My hobbies include adding things to my cart, and never buying them.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

That’s me in the corner, that’s me in the spotlight, spreading goat cheese on a bagel.

My boss told me “It’s not rocket science.” Yeah, almost everything that exists is not rocket science.

I hate having a messy house. Not enough to actually clean it, but enough to give it a disgusted stare while I peacefully relax on the couch.

Imagine thinking you have all the answers.

I was about to organise my closet, but I then I found what I was looking for.

Quitting my job to pursue my true passion: not working.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨