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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇨🇿 has bookmarked:

More often than not, I read applause as applesauce.

Someone from 🇨🇴 has shared:

There should be bloopers at the end of horror movies, so it relaxes you before bedtime.

Someone from 🇳🇮 has copied:

Washing mushrooms is the quickest way to figure out exactly how much dirt you’re okay with eating.

Someone from 🇩🇯 has bookmarked:

Coming back to your own bed after a few days away is peak coziness.

Someone from 🇻🇳 has shared:

Tried online dating, and it turns out my soulmate is a Nigerian prince who needs my bank details to escape his kingdom.

Someone from 🇸🇰 has bookmarked:

Congratulations to the people who never took their Christmas decorations down. You’re almost there.

Someone from 🇳🇿 has copied:

Meeting Beyoncé and telling her I loved her in Goldmember and mentioning nothing about her music career, just to see if it throws her off.

Someone from 🇸🇬 has downloaded:

I once let a really short guy be the big spoon and it felt like I went to bed with a backpack on.

Someone from 🇩🇪 has shared:

They should add a live chat to every Wikipedia article.

Someone from 🇮🇪 has viewed:

Love is like a bird. Sometimes flying around me but then moving on.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,646

Social Media Log 💫

Spreading quickly via LinkedIn:

Not to brag, but I skipped my mid-life crisis and went straight to cranky old man.

Shared recently on X:

I can literally trace the moment my career died back to when my boss said he was in back-to-back meetings, and I said, “Isn’t face-to-face better?”

Going bananas on LinkedIn:

The world needs to chill out. There’s no way future history teachers can cram all this nonsense into a semester.

Spotted on Messenger:

Sometimes, before bedtime, I fall asleep on the couch. It’s my little sleep appetizer… my nappetizer.

Freshly posted on WeChat:

Getting paid 26 times in 365 days is not my destiny.

Live now on Threads:

I dare you to try and be more single than me.

Going viral on LinkedIn:

RIP to everyone killed by the Gods for their hubris, but I’m different. And better. Maybe even better than the Gods.

Trending via Threads:

“I asked ChatGPT,” “I asked Grok,” yeah, well, I wipe away the hours conversing with the flowers.

Just landed via Snapchat:

This flight is so long, I don’t know where I’m going anymore. I just live here now. Even the crying baby gave up.

Shared recently on Reddit:

Today I broke my personal record for most consecutive days lived.

My laptop is overheating because I am doing a really good job.

3 weeks ago

Playful quote about a busy person jokingly blaming their laptop overheating from hard work.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Proof that even laptops can't handle the heat of my awesomeness! 🔥😎💻"

am, computer, doing, good, heat, humor, i, job, joke, laptop, multitasking, overheating, productivity, tech, tech joke, technology, work

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Social Media Stars ⭐

63 shares on Instagram this month:

Zombies started running in movies and life has been chaotic since.

54 shares on Twitch this month:

People think I forgot the shit they said. Ain’t no expiration date on disrespect.

21 shares on X this month:

Baby for sale. Refuses to wear shoes.

20 shares on Snapchat this month:

I hate when I go to the kitchen looking for food, and all I find is ingredients.

15 shares on TikTok this month:

My last husband’s name is Don. I just added an E to it and walked away.

83 shares on Threads this month:

You could be having a nice day and then somebody your own age says they bought a house.

79 shares on Pinterest this month:

Bank account nice and empty. Starting the new month on a clean slate.

15 shares on X this month:

Am I finishing my education or is my education finishing me?

48 shares on Reddit this month:

Sorry, but if you’re walking slower than me on the sidewalk, you’re my enemy. Walking faster than me? Also my enemy. Now if you’re walking at the same speed as me… hmm, yeah, I’m thinking enemy.

44 shares on Facebook this month:

Guys with grey in their beards will do that thing you like.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇦 has bookmarked:

“Kiss From a Rose” makes you think Batman Forever is the most romantic movie ever made.

Someone from 🇭🇷 has downloaded:

My birth year getting a lil too far on those lil scroll lists. I don’t like that.

Someone from 🇸🇩 has bookmarked:

I would love to go back to the days when the biggest stress was finding the best hiding place when playing hide and seek.

Someone from 🇧🇮 has bookmarked:

Yes, my date did get up and leave during dinner, but luckily she hadn’t finished her food.

Someone from 🇧🇾 has copied:

All I know for sure is that I could be wrong.

Someone from 🇱🇨 has bookmarked:

I’m doing well at accomplishing nothing today and I’m very proud of myself.

Someone from 🇱🇮 has downloaded:

I did a little research on why weekends are only two days long and it turns out people made that up. WTF, people?

Someone from 🇸🇿 has shared:

My super talent is hitting every red light on the way to wherever the hell I’m going.

Someone from 🇹🇬 has shared:

I think I could actually generate electricity with how irritated I get sometimes.

Someone from 🇨🇩 has copied:

Imagine hating me, and I’m just over here talking baby talk to my plants.

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via TikTok:

I’m so glad I cleaned the house so the kids have a clean canvas to drop their stuff everywhere.

Trending via WeChat:

Middle children as adults still trying to get attention because the oldest is being dramatic and the younger child is getting away with everything.

Going viral on Facebook:

Customers will say shit like, “Uhh, it’s asking me to remove my card?”

Freshly posted on WeChat:

I postpone certain outfits until I get a certain hairstyle because, yes, it’s that deep.

Breaking via X:

Behind every strong, independent woman… is a dog that follows her to the bathroom.

Just landed via Snapchat:

Thank God for headphones and day dreaming.

Spotted on WeChat:

If I had a dollar for every time I didn’t know what was going on, I’d be like, why am I always getting all this money?

Going viral on Slack:

So a baby crawls across the floor to it’s bottle and it’s cute but when I do it Im in need of an intervention?

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

There aren’t enough hours in the day for me to do absolutely nothing.

Just landed via X:

Rare earth, this rare earth, that. There’s nothing more rare on this earth than affordable housing in a walkable neighborhood.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

My laptop is overheating because I am doing a really good job.

If you think Dry January is hard, wait until you try Abstinence August.

Christmas is coming and you’re not.

My brain has too many tabs open and one of them is playing music I can’t find.

It’s crazy how drinking poison makes you feel like shit the next day.

I’m actually quite nice. If I had friends, they’d all confirm that.

Is it still murder if they said, “Some other time,” but I thought they said smother time?

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

My laptop is overheating because I am doing a really good job.

Keep the laugh going 😂

If you think Dry January is hard, wait until you try Abstinence August.

Christmas is coming and you’re not.

My brain has too many tabs open and one of them is playing music I can’t find.

It’s crazy how drinking poison makes you feel like shit the next day.

I’m actually quite nice. If I had friends, they’d all confirm that.

Is it still murder if they said, “Some other time,” but I thought they said smother time?

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨