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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇨🇲 has viewed:

The trick of life is to get the sports car before you have to grunt getting in and out of it.

Someone from 🇷🇼 has shared:

It’s not you. Just the things you say, think, and do.

Someone from 🇹🇹 has downloaded:

Who you are when you’re stuck behind a slow driver is the real you.

Someone from 🇲🇺 has shared:

I hate when people are like “you are so nice”. I’m ugly, I have no other choice.

Someone from 🇹🇱 has shared:

“Thanks for your payment!” Shut up. I paid that bill against my will.

Someone from 🇫🇲 has viewed:

Imagine giving someone your heart at Christmas, but the very next day they give it away. Haha, would feel so stupid.

Someone from 🇮🇸 has shared:

Sometimes you just gotta say LOL and move on.

Someone from 🇦🇩 has downloaded:

Whoever said “team work makes the dream work” needs to explain that to my many personalities.

Someone from 🇬🇷 has shared:

I am re-watching “Narcos,” and I have to say that for someone who smokes so much weed, Pablo Escobar gets a lot done.

Someone from 🇮🇩 has bookmarked:

If you ever get a chance to date a cute person for one day, where will you take me?

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Funny Quotes Total

15,752

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17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Updated

Jan 19, 2026

Users Online

3,654

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Threads:

I’m very strong, but not in a get a jar open kinda way.

Going bananas on LinkedIn:

As a girl, I should be allowed to speak to the moon directly.

Shared recently on Discord:

I’m so high at Home Depot right now, and I have to ask where the hose at. And I know I’mma laugh when I do.

Making waves on Telegram:

Vegans will look you dead in the eye and tell you cauliflower tastes like ribs.

Spotted on X:

My favorite yoga pose is the one where you eat a sandwich.

Freshly posted on Messenger:

Why is everyone so chill about parrots being able to talk? That’s a whole animal. Talking.

Just shared via Twitch:

I am like the weather. Temporarily friendly.

Shared recently on WeChat:

Half of Twitter is horny, half is depressed, and the other half don’t know how to do math.

Spotted on X:

My toxic trait is destroying my room every time I get dressed.

Spreading quickly via TikTok:

Ninety percent of my new follows are beautiful women, which tells me one thing: I’ve still got it!

My morning routine is basically just me convincing myself not to go back to bed.

1 day ago

Funny Quotes

Witty quote about mornings, humorously describing the struggle to stay out of bed.

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Commentary:
Sounds like your bed should be giving motivational speeches with its level of persuasion! 🛏️😂☕

back, bed, humor, just, me, morning, morning routine, motivation, myself, procrastination, routine, self, self-motivation, sleep, waking, waking up

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Social Media Stars ⭐

73 shares on Threads this month:

What if we kissed while watching the decay of our society?

98 shares on Facebook this month:

Girl, are you an Uber driver? Because you are driving me to drink.

59 shares on Discord this month:

At first, big breasts were attractive, then suddenly it was big butts. I’m waiting for it to finally be big bellies.

12 shares on Messenger this month:

What I’ve learned in all these years of marriage is how to open a bottle of beer silently.

77 shares on Threads this month:

Thank you for contacting the abyss. Your scream is very important to us.

21 shares on Reddit this month:

My ex had this fetish where he would dress up in his own clothes and act like an idiot.

94 shares on Twitch this month:

Sometimes I clean my room so dramatically, it feels like I’m erasing evidence.

52 shares on Snapchat this month:

I’m not sure what everyone at my coworking space does for work, but I’m pretty sure one guy’s job is chewing.

56 shares on Snapchat this month:

A guy who never leaves his apartment so he can get the maximum value out of his rent.

88 shares on Twitch this month:

Stop dating if you have no car.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇽 has downloaded:

Did it hurt, when my ice cream outlasted yours?

Someone from 🇻🇨 has bookmarked:

Be the nonsense you wish to see in the world.

Someone from 🇦🇺 has bookmarked:

Learning to be Alpha from YouTube.

Someone from 🇦🇴 has downloaded:

What do you mean I never reach out? I literally thought about you.

Someone from 🇸🇲 has shared:

I wanna be a villain so I can just saunter everywhere. The heroes are always sprinting, always running. You ever seen Darth Vader run? Hell no. And I ain’t about to either.

Someone from 🇸🇹 has viewed:

I’m not gonna have a bad day. The day is gonna have a bad me.

Someone from 🇧🇦 has shared:

I am brilliantly social for one and a half hours, and then I need to recover in my bedroom cave for two days.

Someone from 🇺🇾 has bookmarked:

I start each day assuming it will be horrible and go from there.

Someone from 🇭🇹 has bookmarked:

Am I the only person who would rather almost fall over carrying the shopping than walk a second time?

Someone from 🇬🇶 has downloaded:

People believe that they have brains but maybe that’s just inside their heads.

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Snapchat:

Missed garbage day today, if you’re looking for a bad boy that doesn’t play by the rules.

Going viral on WeChat:

My problem is I buy outfits I don’t have shoes for and shoes I don’t have outfits for.

Trending via Facebook:

This can’t be the life I protected with a mask in 2020.

Making waves on Reddit:

I’m at the “buy bigger jeans” part of my Eat. Pray. Love. journey.

Spreading quickly via Snapchat:

Are you ever in the mood to get hit by a car and spend like one month in the hospital?

Seen just now on X:

It’s all fun and games until you send the clapping emoji instead of the prayer hands when commenting on the news of a death in the family.

Making waves on WhatsApp:

The best part of having a failing memory is that you can wrap up presents for yourself, and when it comes time to open them, you are honestly surprised.

Just shared via Pinterest:

If I’m ever murdered, feel comfort in knowing I ran my mouth until the bitter end.

Spotted on Slack:

Why would I put money where my mouth is when wine exists?

Going viral on WeChat:

Sorry if I seem sad, I got a new long-sleeve shirt for fall, but I haven’t been able to wear it yet because it’s 94°.

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Activity Log ✨

My morning routine is basically just me convincing myself not to go back to bed.

Have you ever met the human version of a headache?

I tried selling my soul to the devil, and he said no.

Jesus rose from the grave because he forgot to clear his browser history.

Is it fall yet? I really can’t suck my stomach in much longer.

You don’t need to leave a message in a bottle. If the bottle is full of tequila, I’ll get the message.

I may be the reason why our kids are ugly, but you’re the reason why they’re stupid.

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Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

My morning routine is basically just me convincing myself not to go back to bed.

Keep the laugh going 😂

Have you ever met the human version of a headache?

I tried selling my soul to the devil, and he said no.

Jesus rose from the grave because he forgot to clear his browser history.

Is it fall yet? I really can’t suck my stomach in much longer.

You don’t need to leave a message in a bottle. If the bottle is full of tequila, I’ll get the message.

I may be the reason why our kids are ugly, but you’re the reason why they’re stupid.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨