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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇱🇮 has shared:

I will charge a 25% tariff on my steely gaze.

Someone from 🇩🇲 has shared:

Ain’t no way there’s billions of us and nobody got superpowers.

Someone from 🇭🇹 has shared:

At the airport, and a wife asked her husband, “Where are our seats?” and he responds, “In the airplane.”

Someone from 🇪🇹 has viewed:

You can just make up words and if you say them in a Scottish accent, people will think they’re real: Looka the wee janglers on that tary bibbit.

Someone from 🇭🇷 has bookmarked:

Notice how ghosts never wear fitted sheets?

Someone from 🇨🇬 has downloaded:

I hope this email kills us both.

Someone from 🇿🇲 has viewed:

Be the elephant you wish to see in the room.

Someone from 🇹🇩 has copied:

Stop blaming everyone for your problems. Pick one person you really hate and blame them for everything.

Someone from 🇳🇪 has bookmarked:

There should be a three-day weekend: one day to do nothing, one day to do something, and one day to do laundry.

Someone from 🇱🇰 has shared:

I have more photos of food on my phone than I do of my children.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

300 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,569

Funny Quotes Topics

17,627

Funny Quotes Images

15,569

Updated

Jan 11, 2026

Users Online

3,647

Social Media Log 💫

Breaking via Reddit:

Just did several sets of some bullshit at the gym… no idea which muscles have been targeted.

Going viral on Pinterest:

Ever since I was little, I always knew I wanted to retire.

Going viral on Reddit:

My favorite 90s skill: Uninstalling my car stereo and hiding it in my glove box in under 15 seconds.

Going bananas on WhatsApp:

Even if there’s a murderer behind me, finish chewing before you tell me.

Seen just now on X:

Just so you know, what you now call an energy bar is what my father gave the canary.

Making waves on TikTok:

Girl, if the moon can block the sun, then you can definitely block your ex.

Making waves on WeChat:

Caveman bartender: “This one’s on the cave.”

Live now on Pinterest:

Yeah, I have a drinking problem. It’s called dehydration.

Seen just now on Instagram:

I was feeling kinda lonely this morning so I glued a coffee cup to the top of my car so people would wave at me.

Just shared via Facebook:

I’ve got the nativity scene facing the TV, so baby Jesus can watch “Die Hard.”

My résumé is really just a list of things I hope I never have to do again.

3 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Looks like my résumé doubles as a list of past traumas I somehow survived! 😂📜✌️

again, career, experience, hope, humor, i, job, just, list, never, resume, task, things, work

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Everyone is awful in their own special way.

2 months ago

awful, everyone, flaws, humor, individuality, own, special, uniqueness
Just accidentally closed a tab I’ve had been meaning to read for the past 2 years.

2 months ago

2, accidentally, closed, frustration, humor, internet, just, meaning, past, procrastination, read, tab, time
My ducks: in a row. My elephant: addressed. My eggs: several baskets. My bigger fish: fried.

1 month ago

basket, bigger, duck, egg, eggs, elephant, fish, food, fried, fried food, humor, idiom, row
Anyone want to meet up and just scream… We could get food after.

4 weeks ago

activity, after, anyone, food, humor, just, meet, meet up, scream, social, social activity, want
I’m sorry I said “I look forward to working with you” during our wedding vows.

2 months ago

apology, commitment, forward, humor, i, relationship, sorry, vows, wedding, work, working
A real smartphone would know when to shut up.

2 months ago

annoyance, communication, humor, know, real, shut, shut up, silence, smartphone, technology

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

74 shares on Discord this month:

Every ‘c’ in ‘Pacific Ocean’ is pronounced differently.

83 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Shaved my entire body for this post, just in case.

84 shares on Slack this month:

Applied for an internship to gain experience and got rejected because I didn’t have relevant experience.

12 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I wish the homes of all my friends were connected to mine by secret underground tunnels.

45 shares on WhatsApp this month:

There are only two kinds of people, and I avoid them both.

28 shares on Messenger this month:

If the USA is so great, why did someone make the USB?

48 shares on Telegram this month:

I’m eating for two; me and the person I strive to be.

28 shares on Messenger this month:

They should make a biopic of just some random guy.

55 shares on Reddit this month:

American Feng Shui is when the grill doesn’t wobble.

54 shares on Reddit this month:

The difference between the Olympic village and a normal village is that not everyone in the Olympic village is related to each other.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇿 has downloaded:

Doctor advised me to stop drinking. This is going to be a big change for me. I was with that doctor for decades.

Someone from 🇨🇱 has shared:

I’m a person who wants to do a lot of things trapped in the body of a person who wants to sleep a lot.

Someone from 🇼🇸 has bookmarked:

We should be able to go to the bar and drink to watch Love Island, like men do with sports.

Someone from 🇱🇦 has downloaded:

Of course babies cry when flying, their entire understanding of planes centers around them being eaten.

Someone from 🇨🇴 has bookmarked:

Handyman to customer: If I had wanted you to watch me work, I would have become an actor.

Someone from 🇸🇹 has shared:

I’m already cold. I know me and my low iron ain’t gonna survive winter.

Someone from 🇮🇷 has shared:

People believe that they have brains but maybe that’s just inside their heads.

Someone from 🇬🇷 has copied:

Getting drunk was invented by Big Text to make you send more texts.

Someone from 🇵🇰 has shared:

I stopped adding “Let me know if you have any more questions!” to my emails because don’t email me again.

Someone from 🇸🇷 has bookmarked:

This gingerbread house isn’t even close to fire safety codes.

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on TikTok:

Befuddlingly, a palm tree won’t fit in your hand.

Spotted on Pinterest:

I really think my coworkers and I deserve an Oscar for acting like everything at work is fine.

Just landed via X:

Remember you are dust and, after you send this email, to dust you shall return.

Spotted on Reddit:

I don’t know why we traded horses for cars. Your car won’t stop in front of a river and be like, “no way dumbass, we aren’t going to make that.”

Trending via Telegram:

Taking the day off to brush up on conspiracy theories and really get this Thanksgiving party started.

Just landed via WhatsApp:

New year update: losing everything but weight.

Seen just now on Messenger:

The only lesson I remember from the pandemic is that you’re only supposed to wash your hands if it’s your birthday.

Trending via Snapchat:

No one my age is single because they’re all unhappily married.

Live now on Telegram:

Therapy is expensive, getting lost in the woods and never being seen again is free.

Spreading quickly via Twitch:

Hey boy, are you the sun? Because you were a big part of my life this summer but now I feel like I never see you.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

My résumé is really just a list of things I hope I never have to do again.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

Everyone is awful in their own special way.

Just accidentally closed a tab I’ve had been meaning to read for the past 2 years.

My ducks: in a row. My elephant: addressed. My eggs: several baskets. My bigger fish: fried.

Anyone want to meet up and just scream… We could get food after.

I’m sorry I said “I look forward to working with you” during our wedding vows.

A real smartphone would know when to shut up.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨