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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇸🇹 has copied:

Chill, folks, it’s just a simulation.

Someone from 🇪🇬 has shared:

Whoever is writing my Rom-Com, can you maybe, I don’t know, START IT?

Someone from 🇬🇪 has bookmarked:

Not sure who needs to hear this, but make your bloody bed.

Someone from 🇹🇱 has downloaded:

I dunno how to flirt but I can insult you so nicely.

Someone from 🇵🇬 has bookmarked:

The only squat I’m even considering doing today is diddly.

Someone from 🇩🇪 has bookmarked:

I am like a wildflower, a quiet rebellion blooming through ruins and dust.

Someone from 🇳🇵 has downloaded:

My bank account is also in retrograde.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

494 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,087

Funny Quotes Topics

17,241

Funny Quotes Images

15,087

Updated

Dec 19, 2025

Users Online

3,649

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Messenger:

Aura is the real business card.

Trending via Discord:

May I please come over and curl up in your lap like a cat?

Trending via Pinterest:

The end of Twitter is taking forever. Did Tolkien write this?

Trending via WeChat:

I don’t want to end this year on bad terms with anybody. Could you please apologize to me?

Live now on Twitch:

Introverts have fun, too — we just don’t care if you know.

Shared recently on Reddit:

Waiting in the grocery store parking lot for the rotisserie chickens to be ready. The thrill of the hunt.

Spotted on Instagram:

I don’t care for the term drug mule, why can’t it be a drug unicorn.

My résumé is really just a list of things I hope I never have to do again.

2 months ago

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Commentary:
Looks like my résumé doubles as a list of past traumas I somehow survived! 😂📜✌️

again, career, experience, hope, humor, i, job, just, list, never, resume, task, things, work

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Crossing things off my to-do list… I didn’t do them, I just don’t want them on my list anymore.

5 months ago

crossing, humor, i, joke, just, list, list management, management, motivation, procrastination, productivity, task, things, to-do, to-do list, want
Do you enjoy addiction, anxiety, and urinating? Then coffee may be the beverage for you.

1 month ago

addiction, anxiety, beverage, caffeine, coffee, enjoy, humor, sarcasm, urinating
That moment when you have to restart a song because the conversations in your head got too loud and you missed half the song.

3 months ago

conversation, conversations, distraction, focus, got, half, head, loud, mind, missed, moment, music, relatable, restart, song, too
Relationships are actually easy when you’re not dating a lying weirdo.

1 month ago

actually, dating, easy, honesty, humor, love, lying, relationship, relationships, weirdo
If I had today’s mind, I wouldn’t have made yesterday’s mistake. But if I hadn’t made yesterday’s mistake, I wouldn’t have today’s mind.

2 months ago

growth, humor, i, mind, mistake, reflection, today, wisdom, yesterday
Political ads be like: send us money so we can send you more ads.

1 month ago

ad, ads, campaign, election, humor, money, more ads, political, political ad, satire, send, us

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇿 has copied:

This too shall pass… It may pass like a kidney stone, but it will pass.

Someone from 🇨🇫 has downloaded:

Maybe your baby is crying because he knows you don’t have rizz.

Someone from 🇬🇶 has viewed:

Lazy is such an ugly word. I prefer the term selective participation.

Someone from 🇭🇺 has shared:

Maybe I prefer my ducks scattered about.

Someone from 🇰🇲 has shared:

That moment when a zombie out for brains walks past you.

Someone from 🇲🇬 has downloaded:

Y’all ever postpone an outfit? Like, nah, let me save this for a better day? Same.

Someone from 🇹🇱 has bookmarked:

Home is where the Wi-Fi connects automatically and no one chews loud.

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Pinterest:

Having your own apartment by yourself is so funny, cause I really just swept the whole place naked.

Just shared via Slack:

It’s always “you’re so cute when you’re mad,” until the house is on fire.

Live now on YouTube:

Every time I do something stupid, my dad stares at my mom like he wants a refund.

Trending via Messenger:

Crashed my car reading a billboard that said, “Don’t text and drive.”

Spotted on X:

Bob is my nickname. Robert is my nicholasname.

Spotted on Reddit:

My phone screen is brighter than my future.

Spotted on Facebook:

My house was clean yesterday. Sorry, you missed it.

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Activity Log ✨

My résumé is really just a list of things I hope I never have to do again.

Do you enjoy addiction, anxiety, and urinating? Then coffee may be the beverage for you.

That moment when you have to restart a song because the conversations in your head got too loud and you missed half the song.

Relationships are actually easy when you’re not dating a lying weirdo.

If I had today’s mind, I wouldn’t have made yesterday’s mistake. But if I hadn’t made yesterday’s mistake, I wouldn’t have today’s mind.

Political ads be like: send us money so we can send you more ads.

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

I grew up with six brothers. That’s how I learned to dance: waiting for the bathroom.

The best way to get through Monday is to pretend it’s Tuesday.

If chickens knew how good they tasted, they would understand.

Got a botched circumcision, now my willy wonka.

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Had the bed all to myself last night, so you know what that means… I slept in a slightly different spot, and now my neck feels weird.

The fact it costs $15 to get a basic meal at a fast-food restaurant now is comical.

The hard part about dating is finding someone who’s mentally ill enough to understand you, but not mentally ill enough to ruin your life.

On my way to HR again for nicknaming my coworker “Mastercard” because they take credit for other people’s work.

People moaning and making noise over food makes me so livid I can’t keep it in.

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Grammar is the difference between knowing your shit and knowing you’re shit.

My life coach traded me.

If the USA is so great, why did someone make the USB?

Death cannot harm me more than you have harmed me, my beloved life.

One day you’re hip and cool, and then out of nowhere you say things like hip and cool.

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

What do people do with all the extra time they save by writing ‘k’ instead of ‘ok’?

They should invent a good thing that happens.

Outlook just asked me if I’m “enjoying” Microsoft Outlook. As if it’s not the Torment Portal.

I’m so old, I still drink my coffee at home in the morning. From a real cup.

Maybe the clouds, trees, and flowers love looking at you too.

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My résumé is really just a list of things I hope I never have to do again.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

Crossing things off my to-do list… I didn’t do them, I just don’t want them on my list anymore.

Do you enjoy addiction, anxiety, and urinating? Then coffee may be the beverage for you.

That moment when you have to restart a song because the conversations in your head got too loud and you missed half the song.

Relationships are actually easy when you’re not dating a lying weirdo.

If I had today’s mind, I wouldn’t have made yesterday’s mistake. But if I hadn’t made yesterday’s mistake, I wouldn’t have today’s mind.

Political ads be like: send us money so we can send you more ads.

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

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Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

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