Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇬 has shared:

There are two classes of travel: first class and with children.

Someone from 🇹🇭 has downloaded:

I like to describe the difference between theory and practice with shopping lists and receipts.

Someone from 🇧🇳 has bookmarked:

There is literally no rule that says you have to get married and start a family. Normalize splitting a mansion with your five best friends and ten dogs.

Someone from 🇦🇺 has shared:

I stay away from beef-flavored cat food. At no point could Sylvia realistically bring down a cow, and I don’t need that kind of ego in the house.

Someone from 🇦🇱 has bookmarked:

Due to personal reasons, I’ll be using humor to hide pain.

Someone from 🇧🇳 has viewed:

Going to ask seven friends for advice and then execute my original plan.

Someone from 🇺🇦 has downloaded:

Imagine hating me and I’m just here trying to push a door that says pull.

Someone from 🇫🇷 has copied:

Controlling your anger at work is a job in itself.

Someone from 🇺🇸 has downloaded:

They should send the Epstein list to everyone’s phones like that U2 album.

Someone from 🇪🇨 has copied:

I’m so high at Home Depot right now, and I have to ask where the hose at. And I know I’mma laugh when I do.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,580

Social Media Log 💫

Breaking via YouTube:

Millionaires and multi-billion dollar companies be like, “We’re doing our part by asking the poor to donate to the poor.”

Just shared via WeChat:

I lied, there’s no sex. I just need you to change the batteries in my smoke detectors.

Trending via WeChat:

I just want a bar where I can pour my own drink, have music at a normal volume, and there are no people, and it’s my house.

Live now on Discord:

On the one hand, I’d love to look sexy in a bikini. On the other hand, there’s cake.

Trending via WhatsApp:

Can I be 20 again? I know what to do this time.

Just landed via YouTube:

I’ve got a neighbor who’s really into morons. I should introduce her to you guys.

Going bananas on X:

Every grocery store becomes an escape room if you see someone you know.

Just shared via Threads:

The older I get, the more I love my morning coffee and no one speaking to me.

Going viral on Telegram:

I’d rather you don’t watch me while I’m liking my own post.

Just landed via YouTube:

Nothing like a grandfather clock to remind you every hour that you’re still awake.

My superpower is giving you the middle finger using my eyes only.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Mastering the art of optical finger gymnastics! 🖕👀✨

attitude, eye, eyes, finger, gesture, giving, humor, middle, middle finger, only, sarcasm, superpower, using

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

So glad that the dream I had of you isn’t affecting me at all, and I’m able to go on with my day without thinking of it.

0

2 months ago

able, day, distraction, dream, feelings, glad, humor, i, me, mental, mental state, moving, moving on, sarcasm, state, subconscious, thinking
Every weekend has two days: Saturday and It’s Monday Tomorrow.

0

2 months ago

days, every, humor, Monday, procrastination, Saturday, time, tomorrow, weekend, workweek
We must all do our part for the planet. The other day I unplugged a row of electric cars nobody was using.

0

2 months ago

car, cars, conservation, day, electric, electric car, environment, humor, i, nobody, planet, responsibility, row, unplug
‘You’re going to die alone!’ Okay, when did dying become a group project?

0

2 months ago

alone, die, dying, existential, going, group, humor, life, okay, project
If my fingers don’t motion like scissors snipping when I ask for a haircut at the salon, how will they know what I mean?

0

2 months ago

ask, communication, fingers, gesture, haircut, humor, i, know, mean, misunderstanding, motion, salon, scissors
As long as I’m alive, I can begin again and again and again, again and again and again, again and again and again.

0

5 months ago

again, alive, begin, humor, i, life, perseverance, repetition

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

49 shares on Instagram this month:

Remember when you were a kid, you slept on the couch and without saying anything you found yourself in your bed. Now you sleep in your bed and if you say anything, you end up on the couch.

59 shares on Discord this month:

My son was praying for “everybody in the world.” If you suddenly start experiencing good fortune, you’re welcome.

80 shares on Discord this month:

You’re like if “nope” was a person.

28 shares on Facebook this month:

The brand name Oral B is so funny to me. WTF does the B stand for?

37 shares on Instagram this month:

The only thing I don’t miss about the 90s is people smelling like cigarettes.

100 shares on TikTok this month:

I have tasted employment, I have tasted joblessness and I recommend generational wealth guys.

53 shares on Snapchat this month:

Should I ever be mean and insulting, then it comes from the bottom of my heart.

52 shares on Messenger this month:

“New recipe” is code for “less content, but worse ingredients”.

66 shares on Threads this month:

Reverse cowgirl is not a fair trade because, why do you get a view of my sexy back, and all I’m seeing are your toes throwing gang signs?

95 shares on YouTube this month:

I’m so old I remember when a hashtag was called a pound sign, and we played tic-tac-toe on top of it.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇵🇬 has copied:

Grandparents were right. Sitting in a chair, doing nothing, and staring at nature is incredible.

Someone from 🇩🇴 has bookmarked:

There are people who leave comments on porn videos.

Someone from 🇲🇽 has shared:

Everyone is either engaged, at a run club, doing their master’s, or in Japan.

Someone from 🇬🇦 has bookmarked:

Someone asked me if I had any hobbies and I panicked and said “lasagna”.

Someone from 🇫🇯 has viewed:

Source? It was revealed to me on my walk.

Someone from 🇻🇳 has shared:

In my years of experience, people who disagree with me are usually wrong.

Someone from 🇲🇱 has shared:

Has someone told the whales that they can’t sing?

Someone from 🇫🇷 has copied:

I now have Taylor Swift as my alarm. Now I always wake up five minutes earlier so I don’t have to listen to it.

Someone from 🇨🇦 has bookmarked:

My husband and I are doing a workshop. He works and I’ll shop.

Someone from 🇸🇻 has bookmarked:

No, I didn’t eat enough protein today, but I did think of you with enough intensity to generate new muscle tissue in my heart.

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Threads:

My husband and I were doing yard work, but I started a fight so I could storm off into the air conditioning.

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

So much anger in this small little body. I feel like a chihuahua.

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

Childbirth seems like an awful lot of work for an already saturated market.

Just shared via Messenger:

Took a personality test and the results just said “uh-oh”

Making waves on LinkedIn:

The only things that are really cool in my company are my salary and me.

Broadcasted on Facebook:

There are two types of people at work: Those who work and those who have become pros at looking busy.

Going viral on WeChat:

My hair would never allow me to commit a crime. I really do leave my DNA everywhere.

Freshly posted on Slack:

“AI is coming for your job.” Yeah, I’d like to see AI drink 11 coffees, then have a panic attack.

Live now on Messenger:

Life is short. Tell people you love them, so they block you sooner.

Making waves on Telegram:

I think I’ll just sit here and waste oxygen all day.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

My superpower is giving you the middle finger using my eyes only.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

So glad that the dream I had of you isn’t affecting me at all, and I’m able to go on with my day without thinking of it.

Every weekend has two days: Saturday and It’s Monday Tomorrow.

We must all do our part for the planet. The other day I unplugged a row of electric cars nobody was using.

‘You’re going to die alone!’ Okay, when did dying become a group project?

If my fingers don’t motion like scissors snipping when I ask for a haircut at the salon, how will they know what I mean?

As long as I’m alive, I can begin again and again and again, again and again and again, again and again and again.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨