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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇮🇱 has copied:

DMs full of guys who wouldn’t know what to do with me.

Someone from 🇨🇷 has shared:

My favorite unit of measurement is smithereens.

Someone from 🇿🇼 has bookmarked:

Youngest siblings are literally weaponized incompetence, final boss.

Someone from 🇸🇱 has viewed:

You okay, babe? You’ve hardly touched the promises you made me.

Someone from 🇺🇿 has viewed:

Twitter sucks so much, but randomly there are such funny tweets, so I wait, like a frog, for one delicious fly.

Someone from 🇵🇭 has copied:

Hair is unwashed, so I obviously feel like I’m fundamentally unlovable.

Someone from 🇬🇪 has bookmarked:

We’ve got a shituation here.

Someone from 🇲🇬 has viewed:

Donnie Darko was also ahead of its time because the guy’s haunted by a giant Labubu.

Someone from 🇵🇼 has copied:

Sailors wish they could swear like me.

Someone from 🇨🇿 has viewed:

Before I started my own business, I would suffer from anxiety on Sunday nights. But now that I run my own business, I have anxiety every night.

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Updated

Feb 3, 2026

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Social Media Log 💫

Breaking via WhatsApp:

She was rare, like a shopping cart at the grocery without a wobbly wheel.

Making waves on Facebook:

Building a snowman so I can punch it in the face.

Spotted on Snapchat:

You want fast replies from a female? Argue with her!

Shared recently on Pinterest:

Not trying to brag but this cop says my rear end is smoking.

Shared recently on Discord:

So glad that the dream I had of you isn’t affecting me at all, and I’m able to go on with my day without thinking of it.

Going viral on LinkedIn:

Unfortunately, I don’t give ugly men a chance, because they wouldn’t give me one if I were the ugly one.

Making waves on Reddit:

Even though he murders a lot of people, you can tell Freddie Kruger is a fun loving guy cause he goes by Freddie and not Fred or Frederick.

Going bananas on Threads:

Mentally saying “Wed-Nes-Day” when writing the word Wednesday.

Just landed via Facebook:

Waiting for toast to toast takes forever unless you walk away for 10 seconds, then it burns.

Just shared via Telegram:

It’s funny how it’s often easier to access academic resources illegally, even when you have university library access.

Nightmares are so embarrassing. Why is my anxiety working the night shift?

1 month ago

Humorous text about anxiety and nightmares working the night shift with a playful tone.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
When your anxiety insists on the night shift, but you're just trying to dream of happy llamas 🦙😴🌜

anxiety, embarrassing, embarrassment, health, humor, mental, mental health, night, night shift, nightmare, nightmares, shift, sleep, stress, why, working

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49 shares on Twitch this month:

Been whispering “I like invented her” about my newborn every few hours.

42 shares on Twitch this month:

If I honk at this person, maybe it will make them a better person.

23 shares on Twitch this month:

Mercury is no longer in retrograde, so never trust a cow because the sun can’t swim.

24 shares on YouTube this month:

Hey, you should start your own business and then mind it.

78 shares on X this month:

The best cuddles are the ones where you don’t have to deflate her when you’re done.

48 shares on LinkedIn this month:

“You’re overthinking this!” Bro, I have anxiety. I have no other type of thinking available.

18 shares on Discord this month:

Nobody is more stressed than a person who has a lot of interests or passions and is still confused about their career.

36 shares on Reddit this month:

Remember when the FBI would threaten you at the beginning of every VHS tape? That was pretty cool.

33 shares on Telegram this month:

I don’t think fish should be allowed to eat other fish. I don’t know. Just seems weird. That’s like your coworker, dude.

78 shares on Pinterest this month:

1pm, the perfect time to start doing the work I woke up early to get a jump on.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇷🇺 has viewed:

Today’s youth will never experience the pain of spending all their pocket money on a music album. Because of ONE good song!

Someone from 🇧🇪 has shared:

Best thing about TikTok is you literally don’t need to follow anyone to have a good time.

Someone from 🇨🇻 has viewed:

I nearly broke my toe because the coffee table didn’t look where it was going.

Someone from 🇨🇻 has bookmarked:

Mercury is no longer in retrograde, so never trust a cow because the sun can’t swim.

Someone from 🇲🇼 has copied:

30s: Oh look, a dance floor! 50s: Oh look, a couch!

Someone from 🇧🇴 has downloaded:

There should be a website where you post your wishes, and rich people who don’t know what to do with their money give you an anonymous gift.

Someone from 🇻🇪 has copied:

It’s been so long since I had sex last, went jogging in flip flops just to remember the sound.

Someone from 🇱🇻 has downloaded:

I don’t think humans were put on this earth to know what Salesforce is. It’s unnatural.

Someone from 🇹🇬 has copied:

I love talkative cats. Like, yeah, bro. Meow, meow! You’re so right.

Someone from 🇦🇴 has shared:

Ever since I turned 20, someone is always in Japan or Italy. Is it like this forever?

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Snapchat:

Isn’t it odd that “read” is pronounced like “lead”, while “read” is pronounced like “lead”?

Just shared via Messenger:

Normalize having a threatening aura, but really just being a sweetheart.

Just shared via Instagram:

I’m so broke, I owe myself money.

Seen just now on Snapchat:

My signature move is forgetting someone’s name 2 seconds after they tell me.

Freshly posted on Threads:

I really don’t care what happens to me romantically anymore.

Seen just now on X:

The sun is so successful because it has the perfect bedtime and morning routines.

Spreading quickly via X:

I love it when God gives me money.

Just shared via Threads:

There should be a withering shamrock emoji so that people can express misfortune or Irish grief.

Making waves on Messenger:

By the time someone says, ‘To make a long story short,’ it’s too late.

Just landed via TikTok:

I think that police officers on foot should wear blue flashing sneakers.

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Activity Log ✨

Nightmares are so embarrassing. Why is my anxiety working the night shift?

Age is just a number… that now takes a really long time to scroll to.

Coolest part about starting a new job is the immunity to disease you get for 3 months till you get sick days.

There are two types of people: those who are clueless about their kids’ schedules and the other who plan it down to the minute. And they end up marrying each other.

If I eat a magnet, will I become more attractive?

If I was Snow White, you wouldn’t get me with an apple. You’d have to poison a taco or something.

I actually think my version of the lyrics makes more sense.

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Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Nightmares are so embarrassing. Why is my anxiety working the night shift?

Keep the laugh going 😂

Age is just a number… that now takes a really long time to scroll to.

Coolest part about starting a new job is the immunity to disease you get for 3 months till you get sick days.

There are two types of people: those who are clueless about their kids’ schedules and the other who plan it down to the minute. And they end up marrying each other.

If I eat a magnet, will I become more attractive?

If I was Snow White, you wouldn’t get me with an apple. You’d have to poison a taco or something.

I actually think my version of the lyrics makes more sense.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨