Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇿 has copied:

Sorry, I ghosted you. I just felt like you were gonna ghost me, so I did it first.

Someone from 🇰🇲 has viewed:

An air mattress is the best way to tell your houseguests not to stay too long.

Someone from 🇻🇪 has shared:

I often message people with the weird idea that they’ll message me back.

Someone from 🇬🇷 has viewed:

Now I understand why old people sit outside just to sit outside.

Someone from 🇪🇪 has bookmarked:

My daughter asked me what it’s like to be a parent, so I woke her up at 3 AM to let her know that I couldn’t sleep.

Someone from 🇮🇹 has viewed:

Some things are better left unsaid, which I certainly realize, right after I say them.

Someone from 🇨🇿 has shared:

Due to rising prices, Dollar Tree is changing their name to ‘Tree Fiddy’.

Someone from 🇺🇦 has downloaded:

Sobriety: because my standards got tired of lowering themselves.

Someone from 🇵🇪 has bookmarked:

I’m an optimist and i understand how annoying that is.

Someone from 🇩🇲 has copied:

I love to sleep, I wish I could get paid to sleep.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,356

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on X:

Them: OMG, I haven’t seen you in so long. Me: Yeah, that was on purpose.

Making waves on Messenger:

When someone yells stop I don’t know whether it’s in the name of love, it’s Hammer time, or I should smell the flowers.

Spreading quickly via YouTube:

Shout-out to the lifeguard who recommended moving the potato to the front of my Speedo.

Freshly posted on Slack:

Time is precious, waste it wisely.

Going bananas on LinkedIn:

All these laws are really getting in the way of my driving.

Spreading quickly via Slack:

Swimming is so embarrassing, everyone can see you want to be alive.

Going bananas on Pinterest:

If someone steals your joke, you have to file a LOLsuit.

Just landed via Discord:

Trying to make sense of other people’s actions will drive you to insanity.

Breaking via WhatsApp:

I don’t even know what the Transformers are fighting about, to be honest.

Going bananas on Pinterest:

Socks try to be monogamous, but most end up either single or having multiple different partners.

Nobody defends billionaires better than dudes making $50,000 a year.

3 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Guess we all secretly aspire to be a billionaire’s unofficial defense attorney! 💼💸😂

better, billionaire, defense, dude, humor, income, irony, making, money, nobody, salary, wealth, worker, year

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

“I’ve had cigarettes that were better than entire years of my life.”

0

5 months ago

better, cigarette, cigarettes, comparison, humor, life, sarcasm, year
Wine shopping is 10% grape variety and 90% “ooohh, this one has a pretty label.”

0

2 months ago

90, activity, aesthetics, decision, decision making, fun, fun activity, grape, grape variety, humor, label, making, pretty, pretty label, shopping, variety, wine
I’m not an idiot anymore, universe, please stop with the lessons.

0

2 months ago

growth, humor, idiot, lessons, please, sarcasm, self-awareness, stop, universe
I’m going to be real pissed if I get my shit together and the world ends.

0

2 months ago

end, get it together, going, humor, i, irony, pissed, real, shit, together, world
People who ask “Can I call you” are so sweet. Like, obviously you cannot, but so sweet.

0

2 months ago

ask, call, communication, humor, i, interaction, people, question, sarcasm, social, social interaction, sweet, sweetness
The era where you dropped your phone and your battery flew out was just crazy.

0

2 months ago

accident, battery, crazy, drop, dropped, era, flew, funny moment, just, mishap, moment, phone, smartphone, smartphone accident, technology, technology mishap, where

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

21 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Since there are no other Vulcans on the enterprise and the crew has no comparison, Spock could be and probably is bullshitting them most of the time.

13 shares on Messenger this month:

I’ve been on Facebook for so long, I remember when it all used to be farmland.

82 shares on TikTok this month:

There will never be a perfect time. Make that mistake now.

48 shares on X this month:

You guys ever play a game for hours straight? You start hallucinating the sounds.

79 shares on Discord this month:

What I lack in moves on the dance floor, I more than make up for in dancing around a conversation.

14 shares on Threads this month:

That moment when you dip your cookie in milk for too long and it breaks off, then you wonder why bad things happen to good people.

49 shares on Threads this month:

I’m equally comfortable holding a guitar as I am holding a baby, I just hold them both by the neck.

91 shares on Snapchat this month:

Asking the birds outside my window if they know any Metallica.

66 shares on Reddit this month:

Sometimes when I get negative feedback I’m like “Hey, only I get to talk to myself that way”.

61 shares on X this month:

Is he trying to pronounce “charcuterie” or is he having a stroke?

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇭🇹 has copied:

My optimism doesn’t come out of thin air. A flask is involved.

Someone from 🇻🇺 has downloaded:

Twitter is an abusement park.

Someone from 🇹🇩 has viewed:

Sometimes I’ll call in, disguise my voice, and insist on speaking to me, or I’ll take my business elsewhere.

Someone from 🇨🇦 has bookmarked:

One day you burned a CD for the last time and didn’t even realize it.

Someone from 🇱🇧 has copied:

Please respond to my telepathic messages.

Someone from 🇱🇾 has copied:

I love when women have one daughter as their only child. It’s so incredibly chic.

Someone from 🇨🇳 has copied:

When I was a kid I would say I’m whatever age and a half because I wanted to be older. Now I say I turned 40 a few years ago.

Someone from 🇬🇶 has copied:

Humanity doesn’t deserve a new year, look at the mess they made of the last one.

Someone from 🇲🇰 has bookmarked:

How long do you actually have to wear a muscle shirt until you get muscles?

Someone from 🇵🇱 has viewed:

The highlight of my weekends is slipping into something more comfortable and putting my feet up.

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on YouTube:

I keep checking my phone like I mean something to somebody. Silly me.

Making waves on Twitch:

I bought a watermelon and all I can think about is filling it with vodka.

Just landed via Messenger:

Are you spaghetti because I want you to meat my balls?

Spotted on Instagram:

(To my coworker that’s a year younger than me) You’re like a son to me.

Going viral on Facebook:

After all these years, Jude Law has finally noticed me and responded to my love letters. Something about staying 500 feet away. I’m getting it framed.

Just shared via Threads:

The more you embrace your crazy side, the more fun life becomes.

Broadcasted on Threads:

If you like pointing out beautiful scenery to three people who are on their phones, a family road trip is for you.

Spreading quickly via Messenger:

I had a heated but interesting discussion today and they even agreed with me at the end. That’s exactly why I love talking to myself.

Just landed via Snapchat:

I poked your tweet with a stick, hoping it would do something.

Going viral on Slack:

Whenever I’m not eating a breakfast sandwich I wish I was eating a breakfast sandwich.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Nobody defends billionaires better than dudes making $50,000 a year.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

“I’ve had cigarettes that were better than entire years of my life.”

Wine shopping is 10% grape variety and 90% “ooohh, this one has a pretty label.”

I’m not an idiot anymore, universe, please stop with the lessons.

I’m going to be real pissed if I get my shit together and the world ends.

People who ask “Can I call you” are so sweet. Like, obviously you cannot, but so sweet.

The era where you dropped your phone and your battery flew out was just crazy.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨