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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇨 has viewed:

Not to upset anyone, but Monday is waiting outside.

Someone from 🇬🇷 has shared:

Until I open the wrapper and look inside it’s Schrödinger’s Kit Kat.

Someone from 🇧🇦 has viewed:

If you’re not in my circle of trust, you’re probably in my triangle of suspicion or rhombus of doubt.

Someone from 🇹🇱 has viewed:

Shorts should be half the price of pants.

Someone from 🇬🇦 has downloaded:

I love Pinterest. No opinions. No bad vibes. Just pretty pictures.

Someone from 🇳🇷 has copied:

I’m a person who wants to do a lot of things trapped in the body of a person who wants to sleep a lot.

Someone from 🇬🇳 has viewed:

Throwing someone under the bus sounds hard, let’s just sell ’em down the river and call it a day.

Someone from 🇮🇶 has shared:

Starting my period on election day because I’m a true patriot who bleeds for this country.

Someone from 🇱🇾 has bookmarked:

No, I’m not stressed. I just constantly grind my teeth and clench my jaw for fun.

Someone from 🇱🇷 has copied:

75% of being a divorce lawyer is just answering emails from clients saying, “No. No. No. You absolutely cannot do that, no.”

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,642

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Messenger:

I got Botox, and I asked the doctor, “How many years younger will this make me look?” and he was like, “Zero. You’ll just look like the other girls your age who have also gotten Botox.”

Seen just now on YouTube:

Stirring up shit at the wedding by going up to random people and saying “I think it’s so brave that you’re here”.

Spotted on Telegram:

I hate apps that shut off your music when you open them, like how fu*king important do you think you are?

Nobody defends billionaires better than dudes making $50,000 a year.

3 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Guess we all secretly aspire to be a billionaire’s unofficial defense attorney! 💼💸😂

better, billionaire, defense, dude, humor, income, irony, making, money, nobody, salary, wealth, worker, year

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Date idea: you hold my hand while I call the dentist and you tell me I’m so brave.

0

2 months ago

activity, brave, call, date, dentist, fun, fun activity, hand, hold, humor, i, idea, me, relationship, support, tell
I shouldn’t have to go to work if it’s rainy. I should get to stare out the window all day like a cat.

0

2 months ago

cat, day, daydreaming, humor, i, leisure, rainy, stare, window, work
Moms be like, “Your cousin’s neighbor’s husband’s aunt died. Just thought you should know.”

0

2 months ago

aunt, communication, cousin, died, family, gossip, humorous, humorous observation, husband, just, know, mom, neighbor, neighbors, observation, should, thought
When I was young, I couldn’t wait to be older. Well, I wasn’t expecting this shit!

0

2 months ago

adulting, aging, disappointment, frustration, humor, i, life, nostalgia, older, sarcasm, shit, wait, well, young
If my house is clean, just know I yelled at everyone for two hours first.

0

2 months ago

anger, clean, cleaning, cleaning motivation, everyone, family, frustration, hours, house, humor, i, just, know, motivation, yell
Being completely ignored on Twitter is associated with higher IQ.

0

2 months ago

being, humor, ignore, ignored, intelligence, IQ, media, sarcasm, social, social media, Twitter

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

59 shares on Reddit this month:

Calling it a situationship, and the whole time, the situation is that they don’t want you.

43 shares on Discord this month:

Called myself to see if I’d answer, sent me to voicemail. Twice.

32 shares on WeChat this month:

Googling symptoms until you cry.

69 shares on Telegram this month:

Sometimes I think I’m too old to make a career change. But then I remember how Walter White went from high school teacher to drug kingpin. Anything is possible!

70 shares on Pinterest this month:

Airplanes are so weird because how does a giant metal box stay in the air like that, and why am I craving tomato juice?

25 shares on Facebook this month:

I think every app should, by law, let you deactivate all of its short-form video content.

47 shares on YouTube this month:

Oh, sorry about bouncing my leg. I’m not allowed to slam my head into the walls anymore.

45 shares on Discord this month:

Just checked my bank account. Looks like everyone’s getting well wishes for Christmas.

24 shares on Threads this month:

“Don’t bite the hand that feeds you!” Maybe just don’t bite hands. Shouldn’t have to qualify it.

76 shares on Reddit this month:

I’m glad nobody can see the face I make when I’ve just started the washing machine and then spot a sock on the floor.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇬 has downloaded:

That awkward moment between birth and death.

Someone from 🇱🇮 has bookmarked:

Not the sharpest cheddar on the charcuterie board.

Someone from 🇨🇷 has shared:

My phone is on Do Not Disturb because I am disturbed enough as it is.

Someone from 🇱🇨 has viewed:

For the amount of meat you get out of clam, I feel like we could just leave them alone.

Someone from 🇮🇸 has copied:

Who needs a weighted blanket when you’ve got the weight of the world?

Someone from 🇲🇰 has bookmarked:

Imagine how scary sharks would be if they wore necklaces made out of our teeth.

Someone from 🇪🇷 has viewed:

On a first date, saying “agree to disagree” every time they share anything about themselves.

Someone from 🇬🇷 has viewed:

I’d like to know what my dog is thinking as he watches me try one outfit after another while getting ready for a party.

Someone from 🇱🇹 has shared:

Everyone wants a goth girlfriend until she starts doing goth things.

Someone from 🇳🇴 has copied:

Do you ever look into your cats eyes and realize that a person is inside there?

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Messenger:

Jesus rose from the grave because he forgot to clear his browser history.

Just shared via Instagram:

I get so flattered when butterflies or bees buzz around me. Like, sorry ladies, I’m not a flower, but it’s so sweet that you thought I was. Hehe.

Seen just now on Reddit:

You’re not going to believe this, but I was doing really well, and then your email found me.

Going viral on LinkedIn:

Cholesterol has a special place in my heart.

Spotted on Instagram:

There’s no reason my stomach should be growling, I just gave it some iced coffee.

Broadcasted on X:

Sometimes the universe puts you in the same situations again to see if you’re still an idiot.

Spotted on TikTok:

I’d like to thank the municipal snow plow for recreating the wall from Game of Thrones at the end of my driveway.

Shared recently on Slack:

Checking Twitter now is like staring into your refrigerator to see if anything good has magically appeared.

Live now on Reddit:

As parents we have to make sacrifices all the time. Today, I had to eat my kid’s ice cream because she couldn’t finish it.

Just shared via Reddit:

Pleasing everyone, that’s impossible. Making everyone angry, piece of cake!

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Nobody defends billionaires better than dudes making $50,000 a year.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

Date idea: you hold my hand while I call the dentist and you tell me I’m so brave.

I shouldn’t have to go to work if it’s rainy. I should get to stare out the window all day like a cat.

Moms be like, “Your cousin’s neighbor’s husband’s aunt died. Just thought you should know.”

When I was young, I couldn’t wait to be older. Well, I wasn’t expecting this shit!

If my house is clean, just know I yelled at everyone for two hours first.

Being completely ignored on Twitter is associated with higher IQ.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨