Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇷 has downloaded:

Doctor advised me to stop drinking. This is going to be a big change for me. I was with that doctor for decades.

Someone from 🇦🇬 has copied:

Babe, are you ok? You’ve barely talked about the horrors of being alive.

Someone from 🇷🇸 has bookmarked:

Having a car is crazy cause you gotta take it to the car doctor.

Someone from 🇬🇷 has shared:

Having to choose between an old guy or a convicted felon is a perfect depiction of what dating apps are Iike.

Someone from 🇦🇪 has viewed:

I watch “Law and Order” so much that when I turn off the TV, I wipe my fingerprints off the remote.

Someone from 🇰🇼 has copied:

I haven’t been with anyone in 3 years. I feel sorry for my next boyfriend. He might not make it through the day.

Someone from 🇹🇹 has viewed:

I started at the bottom and worked my way down.

Someone from 🇲🇹 has bookmarked:

Trying to explain to my cat why she can’t jump off the balcony, even though I want to as well.

Someone from 🇲🇹 has viewed:

Halloween is the only day you can ghost someone and blame it on being festive.

Someone from 🇶🇦 has copied:

“I’ve had cigarettes that were better than entire years of my life.”

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

55 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,324

Funny Quotes Topics

17,443

Funny Quotes Images

15,324

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,571

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Snapchat:

Even my imaginary friend got bored and left me a note saying ‘we should see other people’

Just landed via YouTube:

I dare you to try and be more single than me.

Shared recently on X:

Being a millennial means finding out you can’t afford to live in that apartment complex you thought was really shady when you were a kid.

Shared recently on Telegram:

Some people change their faces like traffic lights change their lights.

Breaking via Telegram:

Why touch grass when you can touch ass?

Just landed via Snapchat:

90% of my thoughts start with: “What can I eat now?”

Just landed via Slack:

I dreamt this night that I had died and when I woke up, a piece of me was actually already stiff.

Making waves on LinkedIn:

The sexual tension between me and the person I’m not supposed to have any sexual tension with.

Making waves on WhatsApp:

With great power comes the absolute certainty that you’ll turn into a right douche.

Freshly posted on Facebook:

Just because I’m friendly doesn’t mean I like you. It just means that I’m not rude.

Not a gold digger, but the other night a woman told me her grandpa owns a Christmas tree farm. That shit had me rubbing my hands like a fly.

4 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Plot twist: I'm only in it for the pine-scented real estate! 🌲🤑🙌

Christmas, Christmas tree farm, digger, farm, flirting, fly, gold, gold digger, grandpa, hand, hand rubbing, hands, humor, me, night, rubbing, shit, told, tree, woman

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

I’m ready to try another planet.

0

2 months ago

adventure, another, exploration, humor, planet, ready, space, travel, try
I saw a spider crawl under my kid’s bed and was too tired to go after it, but that’s okay, no living creature can survive that environment.

0

2 months ago

after, bed, creature, environment, humor, i, kid, kids, living, living creature, okay, parenting, procrastination, saw, spider, survive, tired, too, under
That awesome moment when you open the fridge and the first thing you see is the thing you wanted to eat.

0

2 months ago

awesome, craving, desire, eat, food, fridge, happiness, kitchen, moment, open, snack, surprise, thing, wanted
A sandwich has the power to change your entire life.

0

2 months ago

change, food, humor, life, perspective, power, sandwich
Concert tickets should be 75% off if the artist is really super special to you.

0

2 months ago

artist, concert, concert tickets, discount, entertainment, humor, music, should, special, super, tickets
Stay humble, you are someone’s weird coworker.

0

2 months ago

coworker, humble, humor, identity, modesty, self-awareness, stay, weird, workplace, workplace humor

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

22 shares on Messenger this month:

I am “We read the newspaper front to back every single day,” years old.

24 shares on Threads this month:

Dear 8 hours of sleep, I miss you so much.

37 shares on Reddit this month:

I don’t know who needs to hear this, but your dog can stay home for the hour you’re at the grocery store or restaurant.

23 shares on Reddit this month:

My favorite pastime is staying up way later than I should and complaining the next day about how tired I am.

89 shares on Slack this month:

Tested positive for needing a kiss.

75 shares on Reddit this month:

“Your password is too weak.” OK, well, I created him in my image.

59 shares on Twitch this month:

Never skip the footnotes – it’s here you find out who made the author angry enough to write the article.

73 shares on Twitch this month:

Autocorrect has become our worst enema.

80 shares on Twitch this month:

The prime minister is a minister that is not divisible by any other minister.

82 shares on Twitch this month:

I got fired from my job at the massage parlor. No specific reason, apparently I just rub people the wrong way.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇲 has downloaded:

Downloading the Titanic soundtrack. It’s syncing right now.

Someone from 🇭🇷 has downloaded:

I don’t care if it’s AI or an immigrant, I desperately need someone to take my job, it’s killing me.

Someone from 🇲🇷 has bookmarked:

If rich people aren’t upset after an election, then we have failed.

Someone from 🇦🇪 has viewed:

The masculine urge to make a woman sit through a YouTube video that she will not find funny or entertaining.

Someone from 🇷🇴 has shared:

It’s called the Summer Olympics so one of the events should be running in flip flops to catch the ice cream man.

Someone from 🇹🇳 has shared:

This family has a lot of nerve wearing all these clothes after I just did laundry.

Someone from 🇸🇱 has downloaded:

Let’s skip the getting-to-know-you phase. Just block me.

Someone from 🇯🇲 has copied:

Nobody gets angrier than a man being accused of something he actually did.

Someone from 🇵🇦 has shared:

You want to know how old you really feel? Stop drinking caffeine and popping Ibuprofen. Then, just wait.

Someone from 🇸🇱 has shared:

I believe in annoyed at first sight.

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Reddit:

Life is what happens in between trips to the fridge.

Live now on X:

I say things I don’t mean on spicy chicken.

Live now on X:

I don’t mean to brag, but I put together a puzzle in 1 day and the box said 2-4 years.

Going viral on YouTube:

People tell me to just be myself like that would be a good thing.

Trending via Pinterest:

When you realize your punishments as a kid (stay home, take a nap, no junk food, go to bed early) are now your goals as an adult.

Spreading quickly via Facebook:

Me: what can possibly go wrong though. Anxiety: I’m glad you asked.

Just shared via YouTube:

I love being wrong, it’s just like being right except easier and I get to be stupid, which is my favorite thing.

Seen just now on Telegram:

I won $6 on a scratch-off last night. Out of my way, peasants!

Trending via WeChat:

Don’t study, get slutty!

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Not a gold digger, but the other night a woman told me her grandpa owns a Christmas tree farm. That shit had me rubbing my hands like a fly.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

I’m ready to try another planet.

I saw a spider crawl under my kid’s bed and was too tired to go after it, but that’s okay, no living creature can survive that environment.

That awesome moment when you open the fridge and the first thing you see is the thing you wanted to eat.

A sandwich has the power to change your entire life.

Concert tickets should be 75% off if the artist is really super special to you.

Stay humble, you are someone’s weird coworker.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨