My milkshake brings all the boys to the yard, and I’m like, cool, can one of you reach the top shelf for me. Posted onMay 30, 2026
I have high standards for dating because I’m a high-quality woman, and you wouldn’t want me any other way. Posted onMay 30, 2026
Jane Austen gave us men who crossed fields in the rain. Mine left me on read, and liked someone else’s story. Posted onMay 30, 2026
Sawing a hole in a table from underneath to steal a cake is a lot harder than cartoons would have you believe. Posted onMay 30, 2026
I feel like you’re allowed to start your day at 4 p.m. if you are pure of heart. Posted onMay 30, 2026
Trying to squeeze in more nothingness today, but my schedule is already packed with procrastination! Posted onMay 30, 2026
A female will ghost you, and the whole time she is waiting for you to text back again. Posted onMay 30, 2026
Making a cult with only intuitive introverts so we can all sit in silence, side-eyeing each other suspiciously. Posted onMay 30, 2026
No revenge, but I hope you stutter every time you try to dirty talk with someone. Posted onMay 30, 2026
Socialism isn’t wrong because it has compassion. It’s wrong because it doesn’t work. Posted onMay 30, 2026
Checking a selfie only to find there’s a demon in the reflection behind you, and it looks significantly healthier than you. Posted onMay 30, 2026
Jesus turns water into wine, and everybody goes crazy. Cows turn grass into milk, and nobody bats an eye. Posted onMay 30, 2026
Are you climbing a mountain for the world to see you, or for you to see the world? Posted onMay 29, 2026May 29, 2026
Not participating in humiliation rituals, such as job interviews or modern dating. Posted onMay 29, 2026