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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇩 has bookmarked:

Revenge is a dish best served by cutting a sandwich horizontally instead of diagonally.

Someone from 🇭🇺 has viewed:

Having siblings is so important because you learn the exact amount you can annoy someone before they try to physically kill you.

Someone from 🇸🇹 has viewed:

But have you tried getting slow neck kisses and soft ear whispers about it?

Someone from 🇯🇲 has downloaded:

My only addiction is coffee, which is just like crack but is legal and tastes good.

Someone from 🇳🇮 has downloaded:

My company promotes diversity. We’d never hire twins.

Someone from 🇲🇷 has bookmarked:

My handwriting makes a pharmacist look like a calligrapher.

Someone from 🇨🇳 has shared:

I love Fleetwood Mac, but “thunder only happens when it’s raining” is just not true.

Someone from 🇶🇦 has shared:

A woman’s way of flirting is thinking about you until you get the urge to reach out to her.

Someone from 🇺🇬 has shared:

If I ever look at my phone in the middle of a conversation with you, I’m not reading a text; I’m just looking up the definition of a word I just used a bit too confidently.

Someone from 🇮🇪 has viewed:

Always keep a dog eared book on your nightstand so that people think you know how to read.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,497

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Discord:

Some days you just feel like a hotel microwave. You’re here, but you don’t have enough power to actually do anything.

Going viral on YouTube:

Today I started gardening. I planted myself in front of the TV and I sat there the entire day.

Just shared via Messenger:

I hated rats even before my girlfriend left me for one.

Spreading quickly via WhatsApp:

I’m going crazy, y’all. Coming with me?

Just landed via X:

Be the one that gets asked to remove the hockey mask, during a conference call, on Friday the 13th.

Spotted on Discord:

All I want is to live well and to die in a manner so bizarre and gruesome it can only be described with a German word.

Making waves on Messenger:

As someone who was born in August, I find the word leotard extremely offensive.

Just landed via Slack:

I used to be a banker, but then I lost interest.

Just landed via YouTube:

White, black, yellow, brown, Democrat, Republican, man, woman, straight, gay, transgender, Jew, Christian, Muslim, young and old — you will all taste the same to the zombies.

Making waves on Facebook:

They call it a coffin because they’re finally coughing up that inheritance.

Please don’t be mean to me, because I can be meaner and I hate being mean.

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Please don’t be mean to me, because I can be meaner and I hate being mean.
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Commentary:
"When you go low, I go high… on sarcasm! 🎢😅"

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

55 shares on X this month:

A dating app for people who are shy called Mumble.

25 shares on Snapchat this month:

I made a graph showing my past relationships. It has an ex axis and a why axis.

28 shares on Instagram this month:

Yes, officer I saw the speed limit, I just didn’t see your car.

82 shares on Snapchat this month:

The lack of a pope has got me acting wild.

77 shares on WeChat this month:

All these deadlines, but it’s you I want to meet.

63 shares on YouTube this month:

Am I finishing my education or is my education finishing me?

69 shares on Pinterest this month:

Today sucked so bad, I had to stop by the liquor store on my way to the bar.

15 shares on Pinterest this month:

Sorry, I can’t go out this weekend. I went out last weekend, and I’m still recovering from that.

51 shares on Snapchat this month:

Just realized when I get a partner, that means my family is gonna know that I have feelings.

37 shares on X this month:

Why do people think it’s ok to ask why a person is single? I don’t ask why you’re unhappily married.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

14 folks are currently checking 👀

Doing nothing is hard. You never know when you are done.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

Fun fact: the creator of Barbie and the creator of Hot Wheels were husband and wife.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

Just because the deodorant says 48 hours, it does not mean you have to challenge it.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

Phone is a cigarette for eyes.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

I only like when it rains when I’m home.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

My company promotes diversity. We’d never hire twins.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

I used to be cool and now I say things like “It’s so loud in here, I can’t hear myself think”.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

The worst part about going to work is the part where you have to go to work.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

A 20% discount sounds great until you realize you can’t afford the other 80%

24 folks are currently checking 👀

Seems like the ‘how to use a fire extinguisher’ video on YouTube shouldn’t have a 30-second ad before it.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,644

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇭 has viewed:

“Some men go months without being hugged.” Okay, then they should just hug each other.

Someone from 🇸🇦 has bookmarked:

The 70s, 80s, and 90s were the best decades – so many memories, no evidence.

Someone from 🇸🇿 has downloaded:

“Seize the day!” No thank you. I will leave the day alone and hope it extends me the same courtesy.

Someone from 🇪🇸 has shared:

Therapy is nice but singing as loud as you can in your car is free.

Someone from 🇬🇼 has shared:

I feel so discombobulated when supermarkets switch up the aisles without texting me first.

Someone from 🇳🇮 has viewed:

I only sleep so my phone can get the night off.

Someone from 🇪🇬 has shared:

Dear Apple, at no point will I ever text someone “he’ll yeah” ..

Someone from 🇻🇺 has viewed:

The older I get, the more I understand why witches lived alone in the woods.

Someone from 🇲🇨 has shared:

Welcome, new followers! It’s all downhill from here.

Someone from 🇲🇦 has copied:

Don’t fall for me — I’ll treat you right, and you’ll get bored and cheat.

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Pinterest:

The devil couldn’t reach me so he made sure my love life was bullshit.

Making waves on YouTube:

I don’t understand baby oil. What are we greasing up all those babies for?

Live now on Snapchat:

My kid asked me if I’ve ever experienced hallucinations, which is an odd thing to ask considering I don’t have any kids.

Spotted on Telegram:

Wednesday is the part of the novel where the heroine stares out the window and questions everything.

Freshly posted on X:

Where do I see myself in 5 years? Here, but fatter.

Broadcasted on Twitch:

Girls won’t admit it, but they don’t like super fine dudes; they like medium ugly, funny dudes that dress nice.

Just landed via WhatsApp:

That stupid look on my face is my face.

Making waves on Snapchat:

Forget my browser history, when I finally pass from this earth, please delete my calculator history because it’s way more embarrassing.

Shared recently on Discord:

Thursday is really unnecessary. Today could’ve been Friday.

Shared recently on Slack:

Apart from “It’s okay”, what other death threats do women use?

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