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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log โœจ

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฒ๐Ÿ‡ฆ has bookmarked:

If someone wants to spend time with you, theyโ€™ll let you know. Get rid of those people.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฆ๐Ÿ‡ฒ has copied:

Like shark attacks on humans, itโ€™s actually extremely rare. The majority of antique, porcelain headed dolls arenโ€™t interested in murdering people.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡จ๐Ÿ‡ฑ has shared:

Feeling lonely? Just glue a coffee cup to the roof of your car. Everyone will wave to you.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡จ๐Ÿ‡บ has copied:

Spotify wrapped is like my annual mental health report and it’s getting worse by each passing year.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ต๐Ÿ‡น has bookmarked:

Thatโ€™s not fat. Itโ€™s bonus content.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ธ๐Ÿ‡ฑ has shared:

When my friends are religious, I pretend not to notice.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ธ๐Ÿ‡ช has viewed:

Dear algorithm, please show this post only to smart people with a refined sense of beauty.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ณ๐Ÿ‡ช has viewed:

If you think nobody cares about you, try missing a couple of payments.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฒ๐Ÿ‡ป has shared:

โ€œSeize the day!โ€ No thank you. I will leave the day alone and hope it extends me the same courtesy.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฑ๐Ÿ‡บ has copied:

I have three kids. I should be terrified of sex.

Funny Quotes Data ๐Ÿค“

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Jan 31, 2026

Users Online

3,439

Social Media Log ๐Ÿ’ซ

Seen just now on Snapchat:

I’m so broke, I owe myself money.

Trending via Pinterest:

I now also have a device that tells me whether I’ve taken enough steps today. If I don’t make it one day, it barks and poops in my apartment.

Spreading quickly via Pinterest:

Please make sure you are only drinking as much water as you REALLY need. We need that for the data centers. If you’re thirsty, AI is thirsty too.

Breaking via YouTube:

Striking gold in your 40s: finding a close parking spot that’s in the shade on a hot summer day.

Freshly posted on X:

They donโ€™t put cars in malls anymore, like they used to.

Trending via WeChat:

Notifications are a reminder that you exist.

Just shared via TikTok:

Strangers vomiting their beliefs all over you every day is not good for the soul.

Making waves on Discord:

The hottest I ever look is when Iโ€™m brushing my teeth in my underwear, but itโ€™s very much a โ€˜tree falls in the woodsโ€™ situation.

Just landed via Slack:

Heโ€™s making a list, heโ€™s checking it twice, heโ€™s leaving the store, he still forgot milk.

Just shared via X:

Gutted to report that spending a day offline, touching grass with my friends, was phenomenal for my mental health.

Pouring rain, football on TV, empty house; the stuff dreams are made of.

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Commentary:
Sounds like the ultimate weather forecast for couch potatoes! โ˜”๏ธ๐Ÿˆ๐Ÿก

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Social Media Stars โญ

60 shares on X this month:

Nothing bores me like twins who donโ€™t look alike, you shouldโ€™ve just dropped later if youโ€™re not going to participate.

52 shares on Slack this month:

People on Facebook be like โ€œcan anyone tell me about a thing I can easily Google myself?โ€

26 shares on Threads this month:

The sweet potato is the kindest vegetable.

81 shares on TikTok this month:

I’m not saying I need glasses. But today I watched a bunny in a meadow until it flew away.

92 shares on Facebook this month:

Thereโ€™s a reason we say cheese and not salad when we have to smile for a photo.

50 shares on Facebook this month:

Vegetables are actually pretty good when theyโ€™re fried.

60 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Another day on this hamster wheel to nowhere.

14 shares on Discord this month:

To the person who stole my place in the queue. Iโ€™m after you now.

55 shares on Threads this month:

Not feeling fergalicious today, actually feeling pretty fergusting right now.

24 shares on Facebook this month:

If you compliment me, my glasses fog up.

Trending Topics ๐Ÿ“

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes ๐Ÿ’ฅ

18 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

Sorry I didnโ€™t get you an anniversary card, babe, but you opted in to paperless affection on our third date.

13 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

This cannot be the cost of living after Jesus paid it all.

8 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

Sledding is the best! (until you have to walk back up the hill)

23 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

If you’re thinking what I’m thinking, you need professional help.

18 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

At this point, if I get picked up by aliens, I’m just gonna go ahead and consider it a rescue mission instead of an abduction.

15 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

Have nothing to say, I just wanted to appear in your newsfeed.

23 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

I was living in the moment until I was evicted.

7 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

First responders? You mean reply guys?

22 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

I do not like how Netflix threatens to start the movie while I’m just tryna read the description. Like, please, you’re making me anxious.

10 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

Iโ€™m a go with the flow kind of gal unless the flow is after 9pm or involves parallel parking.

Funny Quotes Data ๐Ÿค“

New Funny Quotes

calculatingโ€ฆ

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Jan 31, 2026

Users Online

3,277

Activity Log โœจ

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฆ๐Ÿ‡น has copied:

Not to brag, but I can put my socks on without sitting down.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ท๐Ÿ‡บ has copied:

I’d like to have a word with the groundhog before he starts working this year.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฎ๐Ÿ‡ถ has downloaded:

Gotta find someone youโ€™re thermostatically compatible with. You canโ€™t be a 74 dating a 62.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฐ๐Ÿ‡ผ has copied:

My lawyer dropped his briefcase and nunchuks fell out.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ณ๐Ÿ‡ฎ has downloaded:

Good morning to everyone except my baby, who already said good morning to me at 1 a.m., 3 a.m., and 5:46 a.m.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡จ๐Ÿ‡ฒ has bookmarked:

Iโ€™m too tired to shower. Anyone want to wash my back?

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฌ๐Ÿ‡ฒ has copied:

Disliking me is valid. I probably confronted you on your poor behavior, while everyone else just accepted it.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ธ๐Ÿ‡ฎ has viewed:

Donโ€™t ask me why, but the older you get, the more you love coffee.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡น๐Ÿ‡น has copied:

โ€œI have a favourite holeโ€, me, at the pool table.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฆ๐Ÿ‡ฟ has bookmarked:

I would never be comfortable delivering a baby. I canโ€™t even remove an avocado pit without dropping it.

Social Media Log ๐Ÿ’ซ

Just shared via WeChat:

I like warm weather but only to a certain degree.

Live now on X:

You used to calm me on my cell phone!

Just landed via Telegram:

My fitness goal is to lose two straight jacket sizes.

Live now on YouTube:

The term โ€œbisexualโ€ is so confusing. Are you sexual twice a week or once every other week?

Spotted on YouTube:

They need to invent a job for people who aren’t good at anything nor motivated nor social.

Just landed via Messenger:

8 pm to 10 pm on a weeknight is the shortest that two hours can possibly be.

Making waves on TikTok:

If you want to be sure that you never forget your wifeโ€™s birthday, just try forgetting it once.

Seen just now on Snapchat:

I embarrass myself in front of myself.

Going bananas on YouTube:

Girl cats get named after ancient goddesses and boy cats get named after Taco Bell menu items.

Freshly posted on Threads:

If you give a man a fish, heโ€™ll eat for a day. But if you teach a man to fish, youโ€™ll get the house to yourself on Saturdays.

ยฉ 2026. All rights reserved.

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