Some people peak in high school. I peaked when I realized I never had to see them again.

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I’m nearly qualified to be a weaver. My final exam is looming.

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Whoever has my voodoo doll, please make it study.

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Raising a teenager is like nailing pudding to the wall.

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Bro, did you really just mix up e.g. and i.e. in front of the hoes?

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Roses are red, violets are blue. Your parents are very disappointed in you.

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Girls be like, “I know a spot,” then sacrifice you under the full moon.

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I wanna be crazy rich. I’m already crazy, so I’m half way there.

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To avoid burnout at work, use the 30-30 rule: after 30 minutes of work, quit your job and disappear into the mountains for 30 years.

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It’s okay, wobbly chair, I’m unstable too.

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Kids don’t love anything as much as they love arguing with each other.