Wordgag 🎅

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇦 has viewed:

My mental health walks make my mental health worse because I live in a shithole.

Someone from 🇮🇶 has bookmarked:

I finally used a screw from the random screw collection I’ve been accumulating for 25 years, and I’ve never felt so alive.

Someone from 🇬🇼 has viewed:

Life hack: if you run out of treadmill space for your clothes, get a piano.

Someone from 🇻🇺 has bookmarked:

The feelings I have for Tom Cruise are the closest approximation I have to what patriotism must feel like.

Someone from 🇹🇱 has viewed:

By 30, you should have settled down with an addiction that works for your lifestyle, no second guessing. You go to work, come home, and [addiction].

Someone from 🇱🇻 has copied:

Of course I intermittently fast. That’s when I sleep.

Someone from 🇺🇬 has copied:

After cooking show a dishwashing show with same host but kind of drunk.

Someone from 🇧🇩 has downloaded:

Every time I use self-checkout, the person in front of me has never used self-checkout, touchscreens, or money before.

Someone from 🇱🇾 has shared:

Dear ads, I have the buying power of a Victorian milkmaid.

Someone from 🇱🇧 has shared:

Sometimes it feels better not to talk. At all. About anything. To anyone.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

501 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,094

Funny Quotes Topics

17,246

Funny Quotes Images

15,094

Updated

Dec 22, 2025

Users Online

3,859

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Snapchat:

Women are like apples; I like biting them.

Shared recently on Slack:

Me, first week as a volunteer firefighter thinking we only rescue cats: We’re going where?

Seen just now on Discord:

Turns out my superpower is the ability to go into incredible detail in completely the wrong direction.

Going bananas on X:

I could post “hello” and there’d be a 20 day argument in the comments.

Making waves on TikTok:

Getting to the age where I’m like, “Oh, hopefully I’ll be dead by then.”

Making waves on Slack:

I only went to medical school to figure out where your arms are supposed to go when you sleep and they didn’t even teach us that.

Breaking via Threads:

At my size, I’d be called Buffet the Vampire Slayer.

Going viral on LinkedIn:

Whoever removed the 30th and 31st from February, come get the 14th too.

Broadcasted on Messenger:

My co-workers found out when my birthday is so now I need to find a new job.

Making waves on TikTok:

When you’re a snowman, everything smells like a carrot.

Sometimes I’ll pause a YouTube video to scroll on reels. I’m not sure if I’ll ever be able to be loved genuinely.

3 weeks ago

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Commentary:
I'm multitasking so hard, even my phone is asking for a break 😅📱❤️

able, distraction, ever, genuine, humor, love, loved, media, pause, reel, scroll, self-awareness, social, social media, sometimes, sure, video, YouTube

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Don’t ring my doorbell unless you’re accompanied by a camera crew and holding balloons and a big check.

0

2 months ago

balloons, big, big check, camera, camera crew, check, crew, doorbell, expectations, funny request, holding, humor, request, ring, surprise
Centaurs can’t wipe their asses.

0

5 months ago

bathroom, centaur, creature, difficulty, humor, hygiene, mythical, mythical creature, wipe
Your honor, I was under the impression it was hammer time.

0

4 months ago

courtroom, culture, dance, defense, hammer, honor, humor, i, impression, joke, legal, misunderstanding, pop, pop culture, time, under
I’d rather be spotted in a strip club than a Subway.

0

3 months ago

awkward, awkward situation, club, embarrassment, humor, ID, preference, setting, situation, social, social setting, strip, strip club, Subway
Migraine so bad you develop powers like superhuman hearing.

0

3 months ago

bad, exaggeration, headache, hearing, humor, migraine, power, powers, superhuman, superhuman hearing
Extrovert self made too many plans and now introvert self is pissed.

0

2 months ago

conflict, expectations, extrovert, introvert, personality, pissed, plans, self, social, too

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎁🎅🎄 Christmas Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

24 shares on Slack this month:

I successfully avoided the red-eye flight and got the much milder pink eye flight.

64 shares on Instagram this month:

You are not obligated to post a video of yourself dancing.

17 shares on Reddit this month:

Sitting in a room with my husband and kids… Suddenly I realize everyone here has been in my vagina. Wow.

57 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Why did they call it painting your toenails and not graffeeti?

89 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Do you ever want sleep but sleep doesn’t want you?

59 shares on X this month:

As president, I will allow people to use the same password as before when changing their password.

31 shares on Threads this month:

Every time someone tries to fight with me online, a middle finger gets its wings.

40 shares on Discord this month:

Delightful if true: booby trap.

46 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Waitress: “Do you have any questions about the menu?” Me: “What kind of font is this?

92 shares on Threads this month:

Who called it asking the waiter about the specials and not retrieving data from the server?

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇦 has downloaded:

Having a pool is so neat. All of your friends are suddenly interested to catch up on the hottest days of the year.

Someone from 🇿🇲 has viewed:

I wish I could invoice people for wasting my time.

Someone from 🇮🇳 has shared:

“You live and you learn!” Bro, I don’t want to do either of those things.

Someone from 🇧🇸 has shared:

Due to personal reasons, I’ll be using humor to hide pain.

Someone from 🇧🇪 has viewed:

Being single: When you don’t have to wait for someone to watch the next Netflix episode.

Someone from 🇬🇧 has shared:

They’re selling me on Temu tomorrow.

Someone from 🇺🇸 has bookmarked:

You’re not depressed. You just need $250,000 in your bank account.

Someone from 🇱🇨 has bookmarked:

I think God’s next test for me should be, “Can he handle a ridiculous amount of money.”

Someone from 🇮🇩 has bookmarked:

Been whispering “I like invented her” about my newborn every few hours.

Someone from 🇦🇫 has downloaded:

After you do your laundry, you should be allowed to get in the dryer and tumble for a little. No charge.

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Pinterest:

We go together like coffee and cigarettes.

Freshly posted on Reddit:

I need to go back to Friday. I want to do my weekend differently.

Spotted on Pinterest:

A hot tub is basically a big bowl of human soup.

Seen just now on YouTube:

Tattoo idea for men: spider webs in the corners of the receding hairline.

Just shared via WhatsApp:

A perfect parent is a person with excellent child-rearing theories and no actual children.

Going viral on Snapchat:

Are you stupid, sand? You could just lay here forever on this beautiful beach, but no, you have to try with all you’ve got, to get into my shoes.

Trending via Telegram:

I think you misunderstood – when I said, “Let me look into it,” that meant, “I don’t know exactly how to tell you no just yet.”

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

The longest and most adventurous journeys begin with the words: “I know a shortcut.”

Wordgag 🎅

Activity Log ✨

Sometimes I’ll pause a YouTube video to scroll on reels. I’m not sure if I’ll ever be able to be loved genuinely.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

Don’t ring my doorbell unless you’re accompanied by a camera crew and holding balloons and a big check.

Centaurs can’t wipe their asses.

Your honor, I was under the impression it was hammer time.

I’d rather be spotted in a strip club than a Subway.

Migraine so bad you develop powers like superhuman hearing.

Extrovert self made too many plans and now introvert self is pissed.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨