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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇸🇬 has viewed:

Here’s a question for all the mind readers out there.

Someone from 🇵🇹 has viewed:

We don’t get a song of the summer this year because we were bad.

Someone from 🇯🇴 has downloaded:

My future husband is probably enjoying a nice summer with his first wife… but the seeds of discontent are there.

Someone from 🇰🇼 has downloaded:

It’s Sunday. I’ve slept in and ignored church. Somewhere the devil is sitting and clicking on “Like”.

Someone from 🇸🇱 has shared:

You’ve agreed to go out with me, so that’s going to immediately count against you.

Someone from 🇪🇪 has downloaded:

Airlines when they need to change your flight: here’s a complimentary napkin. Airlines when you need to change your flight: that’ll be $8700.

Someone from 🇦🇪 has bookmarked:

I feel sorry for dogs. They learnt to fetch newspapers, but newspapers are dying. Killed by an internet driven by cats.

Someone from 🇨🇱 has downloaded:

Knowing I’ve been called crazy, but never ugly, is how I sleep at night.

Someone from 🇯🇵 has viewed:

A degree in international law is about as real as a degree in Dothraki.

Someone from 🇲🇦 has downloaded:

My longest relationship has been with my Hotmail account.

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Funny Quotes Total

15,752

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17,765

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15,752

Updated

Jan 20, 2026

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Social Media Log 💫

Spreading quickly via Telegram:

When people suck the life out of you, they should take some fat too.

Just shared via TikTok:

The trash gets picked up tomorrow. Be ready.

Seen just now on Slack:

Girl, whatever you’re going through right now, as long as you’re not pregnant, you’re gonna be fine.

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

It’s so embarrassing when you make a silly face at a baby, and they do not care at all.

Trending via Messenger:

Since I stopped texting first, I haven’t heard from a lot of people in a while.

Just landed via Snapchat:

My bathroom mirror after a long party weekend: “Girl, those vitamins can’t help you now.”

Spotted on Slack:

I found out why my computer keeps freezing. Apparently, I’ve got too many windows open.

Breaking via Slack:

You can tell a lot about someone based on which Spice Girl they were most attracted to.

Broadcasted on Reddit:

I love how every website has a “Keep me signed in on this computer” button and it’s just straight up bullshit.

Spreading quickly via Messenger:

If the only person you’re competing with is yourself, how could you lose?

Sorry for being weird. It’s just that everything I talk about reminds me of every other thing I wanna talk about, so I try to talk about everything at the same time and explode.

13 hours ago

Funny Quotes

Clever, humorous quote about feeling overwhelmed and trying to talk about everything at once.

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Commentary:
My brain's a circus and all the clowns want airtime 🤡🎪🎉

apology, being, confusion, conversation, every, everything, explode, explosion, humor, i, just, me, multitalk, same, sorry, talk, thing, time, try, weird

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Social Media Stars ⭐

12 shares on Slack this month:

People who don’t talk to themselves are the weird ones.

53 shares on Pinterest this month:

Everyone is gangster until they’re asked to reveal a “fun fact” about themself as part of a work event icebreaker.

24 shares on X this month:

For Halloween, I’m going as an emotional roller coaster.

44 shares on Pinterest this month:

I could have been somebody if I’d been somebody else.

89 shares on Discord this month:

I’m only an introvert until I meet people worth extroverting with.

36 shares on X this month:

WhatsApp shouldn’t just display “seen”, but also “lies” and “also writes with other girls”!

46 shares on Discord this month:

What base is it when he says, “I know you need it badly,” but he’s talking about sleep?

85 shares on Slack this month:

Be the lemon you want the world to hand to others.

44 shares on Snapchat this month:

I don’t want to brag but I found a recipe online, and then within three weeks not only made the recipe, but closed the tab on my browser.

97 shares on Threads this month:

I wish I was born into wealth so I could have a nice 1-bedroom apartment.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇳 has viewed:

Hate when people ask “why is it called Silence of the Lambs?” Like, did you hear any lambs during the movie? Use your head!

Someone from 🇬🇾 has shared:

If you tell lies about me, I’ll tell the truth about you.

Someone from 🇳🇦 has copied:

For my final act of love, I will never contact you again, but think of you always.

Someone from 🇦🇪 has viewed:

Clearly I’m not doing Dry January unless you mean sense of humor.

Someone from 🇳🇷 has shared:

If social media has taught me anything, it’s that we are all crazy in a different way.

Someone from 🇭🇺 has downloaded:

Have you ever apologized to your car after you hit a pothole?

Someone from 🇱🇾 has viewed:

My husband refused to get glasses. But that was before he brushed his teeth with fake tan.

Someone from 🇦🇹 has bookmarked:

I’m far too underqualified for adult life, and I feel like I was promoted to manager far too quickly.

Someone from 🇸🇪 has bookmarked:

The worst part about being in your 40s is the 10 years of listening to people say, “Wait till you’re 50.”

Someone from 🇲🇦 has bookmarked:

My favorite thing to do on the weekend is not leave my house.

Social Media Log 💫

Spreading quickly via WeChat:

Me (young, naive): “I hope something good happens.” Me (now): “I hope whatever bad happens is at least funny.”

Just landed via Threads:

Once you understand why pizza is made round, packed in square boxes, and eaten as a triangle, then you will understand women.

Making waves on Telegram:

I appreciate the sun for always moving in the sky in a predictable way but I also respect the moon for just kind of doing whatever.

Going bananas on Instagram:

I’ve got a neighbor who’s really into morons. I should introduce her to you guys.

Trending via YouTube:

Normalize asking if this is an intervention whenever someone invites you over.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Sorry for being weird. It’s just that everything I talk about reminds me of every other thing I wanna talk about, so I try to talk about everything at the same time and explode.

If I could go back in time, I’d probably stop Bruce Willis from saving us from that asteroid.

Why is everyone against sugar? Who stood beside you when things went wrong and you were sad? It wasn’t lettuce, for sure.

You see how in cartoons, when they’re hungry, their friends start looking like a chicken leg? That’s how ovulation feels.

Can you put some pants on my voodoo doll and pop some money in the pocket, please?

“I’m just a girl!” No, you are a monster.

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Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Sorry for being weird. It’s just that everything I talk about reminds me of every other thing I wanna talk about, so I try to talk about everything at the same time and explode.

Keep the laugh going 😂

If I could go back in time, I’d probably stop Bruce Willis from saving us from that asteroid.

Why is everyone against sugar? Who stood beside you when things went wrong and you were sad? It wasn’t lettuce, for sure.

If you talk about astrology, and no one stops you, it means you must be incredibly pretty.

You see how in cartoons, when they’re hungry, their friends start looking like a chicken leg? That’s how ovulation feels.

Can you put some pants on my voodoo doll and pop some money in the pocket, please?

“I’m just a girl!” No, you are a monster.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

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