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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇪🇸 has bookmarked:

If you get cremated after you die, you can be put into an hourglass and still participate in family game nights.

Someone from 🇲🇼 has bookmarked:

You can tell a group isn’t gonna make it big just by their name.

Someone from 🇹🇴 has bookmarked:

You know those lines you see painted on parking lots? I know this will come as a shock to some of you, but you’re supposed to park between them.

Someone from 🇮🇹 has downloaded:

This is no glow. This is the rage that boils inside me.

Someone from 🇵🇪 has bookmarked:

When you’re late for work, you gotta walk in fast and act like you’re mad.

Someone from 🇸🇴 has copied:

The best part about NYC is you literally see a brand new, hottest woman in your entire life every single day.

Someone from 🇬🇹 has shared:

Intermittent fasting is how I drive, not how I eat.

Someone from 🇮🇸 has viewed:

Isn’t your email address beautifulgirl@mydreams.com?

Someone from 🇹🇭 has downloaded:

My only chance at a big house in the country is if I become a rescue dog.

Someone from 🇱🇹 has copied:

I caught your husband cheating on you at an Alanis concert, and thought you, you, you oughta know.

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Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Updated

Jan 20, 2026

Users Online

3,716

Social Media Log 💫

Live now on YouTube:

I love to see “pan-fried” on a menu. I hate food that’s fried in a shoe.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

I hate when my cat runs into my bedroom and hisses at an empty chair, then runs back out again; and I then have to fall asleep holding a crucifix.

Going viral on WeChat:

My body cracks like a glow stick every time I move, but refuses to light up.

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

I’ve decided that I’m going to underthink today.

Shared recently on Slack:

I’d never pick the lesser of two evils because that means they’re not even good at being evil either.

Spreading quickly via Reddit:

Some days you are the table and some days you are the toe.

Making waves on Slack:

Never make a promise you can’t keep rescheduling.

Making waves on Messenger:

Unfortunately, I wasn’t built for casual dating, I’m only built for intense soul crushing love at first sight.

Going viral on Instagram:

I’m so smart, I got rid of cable and now I only have $638 in monthly streaming services.

Starting your day with an early morning run is a great way to make sure your day can’t get any worse than it started.

2 months ago

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Commentary:
"Nothing like a morning jog to remind me why I prefer pancakes! 🏃‍♂️🥞😅"

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26 shares on TikTok this month:

People can’t drive you crazy if you don’t give them the keys.

88 shares on Threads this month:

I’m having a garage sale and hope people I’ve borrowed things from don’t come.

89 shares on WeChat this month:

I could tell by the way she was pouring gasoline on a pile of my clothes that the relationship had hit some turbulence.

62 shares on Twitch this month:

I had an irrational fear of bees until I saw My Girl and it became rational.

67 shares on TikTok this month:

McDonald’s needs a 3rd window so you can trade in all the wrong stuff they gave you.

69 shares on Reddit this month:

My neighbors were up shouting all night. I could barely hear my bagpipes.

29 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Sometimes I wish I was an octopus, so I could slap eight people at once.

66 shares on YouTube this month:

Thought I was a minimalist, turns out I’m just broke.

91 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I wouldn’t describe myself as an “adult”, per se. More like a “long child”.

67 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Main difference between me and my jokes is that folks don’t laugh at my jokes.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇱🇾 has bookmarked:

Me, with $33 left after paying bills: Let’s see how much a Land Rover costs.

Someone from 🇧🇪 has viewed:

If your god commands you to kill others, find another god.

Someone from 🇪🇬 has viewed:

I didn’t lose a girlfriend, I gained an enemy.

Someone from 🇵🇹 has downloaded:

I’ll make direct eye contact while eating a hot dog, just to make you feel weird.

Someone from 🇳🇱 has shared:

If anime hair were real, there would be so much color dysmorphia. Like, imagine getting brown. I would be so pissed.

Someone from 🇲🇨 has copied:

Is it fall yet? I really can’t suck my stomach in much longer.

Someone from 🇸🇷 has bookmarked:

I need a chiropractor for my brain.

Someone from 🇺🇬 has copied:

When I worked as a restaurant critic, I wrote under a nom nom nom de plume.

Someone from 🇲🇹 has downloaded:

Love how you can hear the crowd constantly forgetting the queen died and singing “God save the Quing”

Someone from 🇸🇧 has downloaded:

You are what you eat! (If anyone needed more encouragement to eat the rich.)

Social Media Log 💫

Spreading quickly via Instagram:

I’m chronically online in a different and more sophisticated way than you are.

Shared recently on X:

Coding: Where incessantly talking to yourself seems completely normal and debugging is like being a detective in a movie where you are both the detective and the perpetrator.

Going bananas on Facebook:

Dua Lipa is a fantastic singer AND Mario’s advice to Luigi when he wants to get on a slightly higher platform.

Shared recently on Snapchat:

I could put my keys in the same spot every day, but why deprive myself of a treasure hunt that makes me late.

Going viral on Discord:

Had chicken and egg for dinner because I wanted to eat the whole family.

Shared recently on Facebook:

Being loved right feels like telepathy and a little bit of witchcraft.

Trending via Messenger:

If you’re not happy single you won’t be happy married. Happiness comes from eating food, not from relationships.

Going viral on Reddit:

Needing to rant and not wanting anyone to know your business is such a crazy combo.

Going viral on Telegram:

I’m at the age where I see a huge, beautiful mansion in a movie and think, “How much does it cost to heat that house in the winter?”

Going viral on Reddit:

I’m often mistaken for an adult because of my age.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Starting your day with an early morning run is a great way to make sure your day can’t get any worse than it started.

You should be able to call in sad to work.

“November Rain” is just 9 minutes of me realizing I’m too dramatic to date someone with healthy coping skills.

Hobbies include being misunderstood.

Apple juice tastes like it wants to be alcohol, but it’s too shy.

Whoever first said, “I’m in a pickle,” must have had the weirdest day.

They invented the word metallic, because irony was already taken.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Starting your day with an early morning run is a great way to make sure your day can’t get any worse than it started.

Keep the laugh going 😂

You should be able to call in sad to work.

“November Rain” is just 9 minutes of me realizing I’m too dramatic to date someone with healthy coping skills.

Hobbies include being misunderstood.

Apple juice tastes like it wants to be alcohol, but it’s too shy.

Whoever first said, “I’m in a pickle,” must have had the weirdest day.

They invented the word metallic, because irony was already taken.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨