Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇳🇿 has shared:

Me, to the printer: “Hey, could you print this out for me?” Printer: “Sure, but first I’ll show you all the sounds I can make.”

Someone from 🇦🇪 has shared:

Handsome, you better get to the point, my beer buzz is starting to wear off.

Someone from 🇬🇦 has bookmarked:

Anxiety should have a loyalty rewards program.

Someone from 🇸🇾 has viewed:

Libraries were a good start, but we really need to keep working on the number of places where people shouldn’t be allowed to talk.

Someone from 🇫🇲 has copied:

My dream is being pitted against the world’s greatest AI in a writing contest and crafting a story that’s so beautiful that I make the computer cry.

Someone from 🇨🇱 has viewed:

I stopped adding “Let me know if you have any more questions!” to my emails because don’t email me again.

Someone from 🇦🇸 has shared:

By the time someone says, ‘To make a long story short,’ it’s too late.

Someone from 🇲🇳 has downloaded:

I feel like a wildlife photographer when I spend hours trying to capture my teenager’s smile.

Someone from 🇹🇬 has copied:

You get what you pay for. Unless the delivery man leaves it on your doorstep. Then the fastest person on your street gets what you paid for.

Someone from 🇰🇲 has bookmarked:

Not now, I’m busy doing tax crimes on my abacus.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,237

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Telegram:

You relax for 15 minutes after work, and next thing you know, it’s 10 p.m.

Just shared via Instagram:

Meteorologist: It’s going to get even hotter. Me, on fire: WHAT?

Going bananas on YouTube:

If you say “awesome sauce” on a first date, you’ll still have that lucky condom in your wallet tomorrow.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

I got 3 miles in before breakfast. That’s enough driving for the day.

Broadcasted on Threads:

I have more trips planned than I have money.

Just shared via LinkedIn:

Why does the dentist have to take an x-ray of my teeth? They right there, bro!

Going viral on Instagram:

Can we all agree that Mini Cooper drivers need to put an extended flag on the back of their cars so the stalls where they’re parked stop looking empty?

Spreading quickly via Messenger:

My life is just a series of awkward moments separated by snacks.

Broadcasted on Slack:

Sex is cool but have you ever had a king size bed all to yourself.

Just shared via Pinterest:

I’m so disappointed when I help my kid with her homework, and she brings it home marked incorrect.

Still waiting for aliens to abduct me, which feels pretty rude considering I’ve been dressed and ready for years.

4 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Patiently waiting for aliens to realize they totally ghosted me 🚀👽👗

abduct, abduction, alien, aliens, dressed, extraterrestrial, feels, humor, joke, me, pretty, readiness, ready, rude, sarcasm, still, waiting

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

My thighs are bigger than my chances in life.

0

2 months ago

body, body image, chances, confidence, humor, image, life, self-deprecation, thigh
Dating outside of your education bracket leads to misunderstandings and arguments.

0

3 months ago

argument, arguments, dating, education, humor, misunderstanding, outside, relationship
If a tree falls on your ex in the woods and no one’s around to hear it, you should probably still get rid of the chainsaw.

0

2 months ago

around, chainsaw, consequences, dark, dark humor, ex, hear, humor, nature, relationship, rid, should, still, tree, woods
I think it broke my boyfriend’s heart when I said he couldn’t have Salma Hayek for Valentine’s Day.

0

2 months ago

boyfriend, broke, day, hayek, heart, humor, i, jealousy, love, relationship, salma, Salma Hayek, think, valentine’s, Valentine’s Day
Sorry, I can’t hang out tomorrow. I hung out with people a week ago and I’m still recovering from that.

0

2 months ago

activity, exhaustion, hang, hang out, introvert, people, recovering, social, social activity, week, weekend
Imagine hating me, and I’m just over here plucking chin hairs.

0

5 months ago

chin, chin hair, hair, hate, here, humor, imagine, just, me, over, plucking, sarcasm, self-care

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

60 shares on Telegram this month:

The economy’s so tough, people out here eating grass — matcha.

74 shares on Instagram this month:

Brains are awesome. I wish I had one.

61 shares on WeChat this month:

Sperm me would be swimming in the other direction.

36 shares on Reddit this month:

I hope the world needs to be saved from the apocalypse with video game skills so my teen’s entire life won’t have been a complete waste.

64 shares on YouTube this month:

Long-distance couples be like, “I can’t wait,” and then they wait.

92 shares on Messenger this month:

The only thing I worry about when I’m in the restroom is if people are washing their hands or not.

78 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Do not take me to an escape room. I was a c-section. Someone is gonna have to come get me.

30 shares on Facebook this month:

Still hard to believe that access to infinite information made us dumber.

28 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I wish I had the confidence of someone who would let themselves be tattooed in a place they can’t see.

65 shares on X this month:

I generally don’t know what the hell I’m doing, but I’m really good at it.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇱🇺 has copied:

Not to brag but I can chop an onion without crying. And I can cry without chopping an onion.

Someone from 🇰🇼 has downloaded:

Sneaking up behind people and marrying them.

Someone from 🇼🇸 has copied:

I’m just here to make you wish I wasn’t.

Someone from 🇵🇼 has copied:

Hell hath no fury like a sports bra being applied to a just showered but not 100% dry body.

Someone from 🇨🇱 has bookmarked:

Why is adulthood just bills and wondering what to eat?

Someone from 🇪🇪 has shared:

Men can be sorted into two camps: the ones who get haircuts way before they need them, and the ones who wait until people in their lives are complaining.

Someone from 🇬🇪 has shared:

My birth year getting a lil too far on those lil scroll lists. I don’t like that.

Someone from 🇲🇲 has viewed:

Why is experimental noise music always scary metallic noises and never fun sounds like people clapping and laughing and like bubbles and stuff?

Someone from 🇮🇹 has copied:

In university, you can literally tell who had no freedom at home.

Someone from 🇪🇹 has downloaded:

“I’m not short. I’m just more down to earth than most people.”

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Slack:

Anyone else get excited about going to bed because you know there’ll be coffee in the morning, or is that just me?

Live now on WhatsApp:

“23 and Me” is how Leonardo DiCaprio RSVPs for events.

Shared recently on Slack:

Sometimes I think the subway rat is doing better than me. He has a routine, a social circle, and knows where to find the best pizza.

Seen just now on Instagram:

That thing in video games where you have a great item so you hold onto it but never end up using it? Thats me with fruit.

Spotted on X:

“Girls just want to have fun!” No, I want one million dollars cash.

Just landed via Reddit:

If you’re going to text your boss that you’re an hour late, make sure you end with, “I’m bringing you a ham and cheese croissant.”

Just shared via Instagram:

Our neighbor complained that our cat is always running through his garden. My father said: “Okay, I’ll tell her.”

Seen just now on Snapchat:

If I say “with all due respect,” nothing respectful is about to come out of my mouth.

Breaking via Reddit:

I’d stalk me too, I get it.

Going bananas on Threads:

Spilling hot coffee on your lap wakes you up faster than drinking it.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Still waiting for aliens to abduct me, which feels pretty rude considering I’ve been dressed and ready for years.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

My thighs are bigger than my chances in life.

Dating outside of your education bracket leads to misunderstandings and arguments.

If a tree falls on your ex in the woods and no one’s around to hear it, you should probably still get rid of the chainsaw.

I think it broke my boyfriend’s heart when I said he couldn’t have Salma Hayek for Valentine’s Day.

Sorry, I can’t hang out tomorrow. I hung out with people a week ago and I’m still recovering from that.

Imagine hating me, and I’m just over here plucking chin hairs.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨