Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇷🇴 has bookmarked:

Got a botched circumcision, now my willy wonka.

Someone from 🇧🇬 has shared:

Parents may forget many things, but they never forget who brought the noisy toys into the house.

Someone from 🇵🇪 has shared:

Getting mad when an app updates and changes their format is the new “rearranged grocery store” for me.

Someone from 🇨🇴 has viewed:

Student life is all about convincing your parents that you are studying, convincing your friends that you are not, and convincing yourself that you’ll study from tomorrow.

Someone from 🇱🇸 has bookmarked:

My issue with Jeopardy is that you never get the sense that the contestants are in any real danger.

Someone from 🇱🇹 has viewed:

Her heart is an abandoned garden filled with ghosts and dying flowers.

Someone from 🇸🇦 has shared:

Hired a financial advisor, and his first piece of advice was that I don’t make nearly enough money to justify paying a financial advisor.

Someone from 🇸🇧 has shared:

I’m equally comfortable holding a guitar as I am holding a baby, I just hold them both by the neck.

Someone from 🇻🇺 has copied:

Accidentally punched myself in the face as I was getting dressed this morning, and I have to say, I deserved it.

Someone from 🇺🇬 has shared:

The only appointment I’m ever on time for is disappointment.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

94 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,363

Funny Quotes Topics

17,479

Funny Quotes Images

15,363

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,251

Social Media Log 💫

Breaking via X:

If you see me out in public but we haven’t talked since high school, let’s keep it that way.

Just shared via Twitch:

First date idea: we walk around a graveyard and guess how people died.

Making waves on Instagram:

Frodo is a beautiful name for a boy. Has a ring to it.

Broadcasted on Threads:

Remember when tweets were like: party rocking with a mouse tonight. Piece of cheese gonna have a big bite.

Broadcasted on LinkedIn:

I have a huge to-do list, I just have to figure out who’s gonna do it.

Making waves on TikTok:

Man, it sucks having no kids. All I do is whatever I want, all the time.

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

Wait, some of you are actually seeing for free? No glasses, no contacts? Wow!

Freshly posted on Discord:

I used to be cool and now I say things like “It’s so loud in here, I can’t hear myself think”.

Going viral on Discord:

You can generate images with your mind whenever you want. You don’t even need AI.

Breaking via LinkedIn:

Wow, I absolutely love your outfit. The black really brings out the pet hair on it.

Take me back to the night we met so I can never give you a chance.

3 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Reverse time travel to dodge those 'Oops!' moments. 😂⏳🙅‍♂️

back, chance, give, humor, i, love, me, meeting, met, never, night, regret, relationship, sarcasm, take

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Getting a key tattoo, but getting it covered up with a doormat tattoo, so no one ever finds it.

0

2 months ago

art, cover-up, creative, doormat, ever, finds, getting, hiding, humor, key, tattoo, unexpected
Showing up late with an iced coffee is not about poor time management, it’s about knowing how to make an entrance.

0

5 months ago

arrival, coffee, entrance, humor, iced, iced coffee, knowing, late, lateness, management, poor, punctuality, showing, time, time management
You know what goes great with helping your kid with math homework? Vodka!

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2 months ago

drink, great, help, homework, humor, kid, know, math, parenting, struggle, vodka
When someone dies people say “he’s going to meet his Maker”. No he’s not. God doesn’t mingle with the staff.

0

2 months ago

afterlife, death, God, going, humor, irony, maker, meet, mingle, people, say, someone, staff
There could be a ghost aggressively breakdancing beside you right now and you’d have no idea.

0

2 months ago

activity, breakdancing, ghost, humor, idea, paranormal, right, surprise
I was hoping to age like a fine wine, but I sort of feel more like an avocado.

0

2 months ago

age, aging, aging process, avocado, comparison, feel, fine, food, hoping, humor, i, process, self-deprecation, sort, wine

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

79 shares on Pinterest this month:

Google Maps should start screaming the more wrong turns you make.

95 shares on TikTok this month:

Too self-aware for foreplay. I’m so sorry… Take that nurse costume off. I know you didn’t go to med school.

42 shares on TikTok this month:

Airports are so funny. Like, “Oh, you’re flying across the country? Would you like to hang out in a mall first?”

58 shares on TikTok this month:

The enemy of my enemy is my friend. But I’m my own worst enemy, so I guess I’m also my best friend.

61 shares on Snapchat this month:

I wish I had the free time of someone who leaves a positive Amazon review for a rake.

85 shares on Threads this month:

I aspire to be a stay-at-home mom with no kids.

61 shares on Slack this month:

Whoever salts the fries at McDonald’s needs to come do the roads.

77 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Men can stay up til 2 a.m., wake up at 6, be in debt, broke, alone, and still have faith that one day, everything will work out. It’s called being a man.

58 shares on Threads this month:

Sometimes I wanna delete all my social media and throw my phone into a river.

82 shares on Reddit this month:

People out here living double lives, and I’m barely even holding a single life together.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇰🇭 has shared:

Single introverts be like, “If it’s meant to be, my future love will simply teleport into my living room.”

Someone from 🇱🇰 has shared:

Horoscope: You will give blood generously this week, but it won’t be your idea.

Someone from 🇸🇦 has downloaded:

I’m going to a karaoke bar tomorrow, where I’ll sing every song in the style of Yoko Ono.

Someone from 🇺🇦 has downloaded:

We got our carpet cleaned today, so I’m just waiting for the dog to throw up.

Someone from 🇧🇾 has bookmarked:

Whoops, lost myself for about eight years there.

Someone from 🇲🇹 has downloaded:

People my age are on baby #2, and I’m on drink #5.

Someone from 🇧🇫 has viewed:

Some people are like clouds. When they go away it’s much better.

Someone from 🇵🇱 has viewed:

Horse girls and cat ladies get all the attention, but what about crow women?

Someone from 🇬🇩 has shared:

I support robot taxis. How else are robots supposed to get around?

Someone from 🇨🇺 has shared:

I never argue, I just explain why I’m right.

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via TikTok:

The older I get, the more I start to understand the appeal of birdwatching as a hobby. I do find myself watching these little troublemakers quite often.

Freshly posted on TikTok:

I keep forgetting i’m at the age where people will tell me they’re pregnant and my reaction is supposed to be positive.

Spotted on Instagram:

I would go out of my mind, but I can’t find the exit.

Spotted on Messenger:

Easy there, unsaved number.

Trending via Snapchat:

If I was a mythical creature, I’d be a Sighclops.

Shared recently on WeChat:

I like my bed more than I like most people.

Spreading quickly via Facebook:

That Coldplay CEO guy was held more accountable than the president.

Just shared via Telegram:

I’ve reached the age where I just bought a bird bath for my backyard.

Live now on YouTube:

I think we all need to go out into an empty field and just scream for about an hour.

Spotted on Pinterest:

Underrated life skill: only doing what feels genuinely right and letting everything else go.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Take me back to the night we met so I can never give you a chance.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

Getting a key tattoo, but getting it covered up with a doormat tattoo, so no one ever finds it.

Showing up late with an iced coffee is not about poor time management, it’s about knowing how to make an entrance.

You know what goes great with helping your kid with math homework? Vodka!

When someone dies people say “he’s going to meet his Maker”. No he’s not. God doesn’t mingle with the staff.

There could be a ghost aggressively breakdancing beside you right now and you’d have no idea.

I was hoping to age like a fine wine, but I sort of feel more like an avocado.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨