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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇩 has copied:

I think I’m closer to retirement than to a relationship.

Someone from 🇦🇫 has downloaded:

How do I tell the mosquitoes that I don’t consent?

Someone from 🇪🇨 has downloaded:

Gang initiations from the Midwest be like “you have to eat the entire potato salad.”

Someone from 🇨🇿 has copied:

8 pm to 10 pm on a weeknight is the shortest that two hours can possibly be.

Someone from 🇻🇨 has viewed:

One of the biggest struggles of being an adult is deciding what to make for supper. Every. Single. Night.

Someone from 🇳🇴 has downloaded:

We need an app where introverts can pay extroverts to make phone calls for them.

Someone from 🇯🇴 has copied:

“Stop bouncing your leg!” It’s either this or I start screaming.

Someone from 🇱🇺 has bookmarked:

I don’t get mad anymore. I’m just like “again?” Ok then.

Someone from 🇵🇱 has downloaded:

Therapy is life letting you speak to the manager.

Someone from 🇳🇬 has shared:

I identify as a weather forecast: Anything’s possible.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

219 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,488

Funny Quotes Topics

17,559

Funny Quotes Images

15,488

Updated

Jan 5, 2026

Users Online

3,668

Social Media Log 💫

Going bananas on Threads:

How inappropriate is it to ask a stranger to scratch your back? Need to know ten minutes ago.

Spotted on X:

I have a man cold. Goodbye, world. Tell my story.

Just landed via TikTok:

My mother still has some really ugly things from the 90s. My older brother, for example.

Spotted on Threads:

I think it broke my boyfriend’s heart when I said he couldn’t have Salma Hayek for Valentine’s Day.

Making waves on YouTube:

I believe it was Aristotle who once said “The fastest way to get your kids to stop screaming is to also start screaming.”

Going bananas on X:

If a stranger starts talking to me in an elevator I say “I don’t want to talk in case we get stuck and I have to eat you” that usually shuts them up.

Seen just now on Instagram:

If my coworker doesn’t stop asking questions on this Zoom meeting, I will drive across town and slap his face on the call.

Just landed via Telegram:

I simply accept my extreme loneliness as punishment for something I did in a past life, and don’t worry about it.

Broadcasted on TikTok:

I fondly remember my days as a younger man when I didn’t care what the weather was going to do.

Trending via TikTok:

All kids are born with a sixth sense that lets them know the absolute worst time to ask for something.

That pen in the junk drawer that hasn’t been used in four years picked today to have an attitude.

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That pen in the junk drawer that hasn’t been used in four years picked today to have an attitude.
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Commentary:
Looks like that pen in the junk drawer decided to rise from its slumber like a grumpy old dragon guarding its treasure! 🐉✒️ Watch out, folks, we've got a feisty pen on the loose! Shepherd it back into the writing world with a bit of humor and a dash of ink therapy! 🖊️😅

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

78 shares on Discord this month:

Date idea: you tell me every thought you’ve ever had about me.

45 shares on Facebook this month:

A haunted house, but it’s just all apps and websites where you got logged out but can’t remember your password.

84 shares on YouTube this month:

I love to watch the enthusiasm of new coworkers, and then their inevitable slow descent into not giving a damn.

59 shares on TikTok this month:

I am an influencer. If you aren’t influenced in any way, that is on you. Do better.

51 shares on WeChat this month:

Accordion to a recent survey, inserting musical instruments into sentences largely goes unnoticed.

53 shares on LinkedIn this month:

There is certainly no life on other planets. Otherwise our government would have sent money there long ago.

13 shares on Messenger this month:

When people block me, I just assume it’s for my rugged good looks and killer jawline.

34 shares on Slack this month:

Candy cigarettes really used to be a thing and we really bought them and walked around like we were smokers at the tender age of 6.

27 shares on Threads this month:

You look like you suck at Mario Kart.

24 shares on Facebook this month:

You should be allowed to leave work early if you are really in love.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

23 folks are currently checking 👀

You’d think the heat and humidity would steam some of the wrinkles out of my body.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

Newborns cry because they’re being evicted.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

I hate this time of year because all you guys care about is football, and no one wants to ogle my cleavage anymore.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

Everyone deserves a day to lie in bed naked and be anti-social. Just sayin’.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

Dude, we’re biting off more than we can chew tonight if you want to pull up.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

If you don’t realize that you’re a werewolf, then you’re actually an unawarewolf.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

For my birthday, I want everyone to tell me how much they love me and why in immense detail.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

I wish rolling your eyes burned calories.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

Running feels great until you compare it to not running.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

Deleting dating apps because I want to meet someone the old fashioned way (he and his donkey rescue me from a tower guarded by a dragon).

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

219 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,488

Funny Quotes Topics

17,559

Funny Quotes Images

15,488

Updated

Jan 5, 2026

Users Online

3,707

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇳 has downloaded:

Women will invite you to shower with them, then cook you alive with a temperature of water you didn’t know existed.

Someone from 🇸🇱 has bookmarked:

I love when my husband says, “correct me if I’m wrong,” like I would pass up that opportunity.

Someone from 🇩🇿 has viewed:

“Do you have any hobbies?” Lately, I’ve been really into panicking.

Someone from 🇵🇱 has downloaded:

Mirror, mirror on the wall, why so many fingerprints?

Someone from 🇸🇴 has downloaded:

Your reply guys are like Pooh Bear. They wear no pants and are relentlessly trying to get in your honeypot.

Someone from 🇵🇹 has shared:

Common sense is so rare these days that it should be considered a superpower.

Someone from 🇩🇲 has copied:

Smoking weed and watching music videos as the hangout is a lost art.

Someone from 🇫🇯 has copied:

If the math problems are too difficult for me, I post them online and write: “Only 1 in 10 can solve this problem.”

Someone from 🇱🇺 has viewed:

Does anyone actually know how to pronounce Worcestershire sauce correctly, or do we all just stumble through it and hope for the best?

Someone from 🇫🇲 has viewed:

Is ChatGPT down for anyone else? I’m a neurosurgeon in the middle of brain surgery.

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via Messenger:

In my defense, Your Honor, I grossly misunderstood the meaning of Boxing Day.

Making waves on Telegram:

Accidentally punched myself in the face as I was getting dressed this morning, and I have to say, I deserved it.

Spreading quickly via Slack:

As highly as it’s esteemed, the Mayo Clinic still sounds like the place sick sandwiches go to get better.

Freshly posted on Twitch:

I can’t tell if I need coffee, a hug, or to just go live in the woods forever.

Shared recently on Messenger:

Saw a big spider crawl into my closet last night. He’s probably in there trying on all my clothes, acting like he’s me.

Spotted on Threads:

That moment your alarm clock goes off in the morning and you don’t know whether to get dressed or fake an illness.

Trending via Slack:

Due to unforeseen circumstances, I will be acting weird today.

Making waves on YouTube:

There is no ‘we’ in ‘food’.

Seen just now on WhatsApp:

I could have been somebody if I’d been somebody else.

Spreading quickly via Messenger:

No parenting book prepares you for the stank of your kid’s soccer bag.

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