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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇰🇼 has downloaded:

Holding this fart in feels like I’m pregnant with a dinosaur.

Someone from 🇨🇬 has bookmarked:

I am a full grown adult. Now listen to me discuss the various plot holes in Paw Patrol.

Someone from 🇸🇻 has downloaded:

McDonald’s is finally promoting good health by making their food unaffordable.

Someone from 🇹🇻 has downloaded:

Just because I can’t sing doesn’t mean I won’t sing.

Someone from 🇵🇬 has copied:

Why can’t opportunity just come back later?

Someone from 🇧🇯 has bookmarked:

This too shall pass, but what the hell?

Someone from 🇺🇿 has bookmarked:

Don’t forget, you are someone’s weird colleague.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

332 this month

Funny Quotes Total

14,925

Funny Quotes Topics

17,098

Funny Quotes Images

14,925

Updated

Dec 13, 2025

Users Online

3,653

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on WhatsApp:

The fact that I have a lot of wine in the house proves that I don’t drink much. Otherwise the wine would be gone.

Trending via Slack:

It sucks that the reward for being responsible, is just a bunch of new responsibilities.

Breaking via TikTok:

Good morning only to the complexity and uncertainty of everything.

Going viral on Threads:

I think my dad just eradicated a small village with his sneeze.

Trending via WhatsApp:

Swimming is so embarrassing, everyone can see you want to be alive.

Trending via TikTok:

My body is a machine that turns pizza into diarrhea.

Freshly posted on Telegram:

Big fan of calling artists their first name and then the band name as their last name.

The closest I get to a spa day is when I’m draining pasta, and the steam smacks me in the face.

1 month ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Pasta steam facial: zero dollars, maximum relaxation 😉🍝💨

burn, cooking, day, draining, face, food, humor, i, kitchen, me, pasta, relaxation, spa, spa day, steam, steam burn

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Crazy that caffeine has no short or long-term negative side effects. Just a super drug from God.

1 month ago

addiction, caffeine, crazy, drug, effect, energy, God, health, humor, just, negative, short, side, side effect, super, super drug
Whoever removed the 30th and 31st from February, come get the 14th too.

1 month ago

14th, 30th, 31st, calendar, date, February, humor, joke, month, too
They should invent a body that doesn’t keep the score.

1 month ago

body, health, humor, invention, keep, score, should
Wrapping gifts on the floor after 50: 1% holiday spirit, 99% figuring out how to stand up without calling for help.

1 month ago

1, 50, activity, after, age, age humor, calling, floor, floor activity, gift, gift wrapping, gifts, help, holiday, holiday preparation, holiday spirit, humor, preparation, spirit, stand, standing, standing up, struggle, wrapping
Pleasantly surprised to discover the treadmill I bought came with a remote control, so I can run it from my recliner.

1 month ago

came, control, discover, exercise, fitness, humor, i, laziness, recliner, remote, remote control, run, running, surprise, treadmill
Being in college when The Chainsmokers dropped Closer was an experience to say the least.

1 month ago

being, Chainsmokers, closer, college, dropped, experience, least, music, nostalgia, party, say, youth

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇨 has downloaded:

Not to brag but I can chop an onion without crying. And I can cry without chopping an onion.

Someone from 🇸🇳 has downloaded:

Someone from 🇨🇳 has viewed:

They should make a drug that recreates the feeling of having your number called earlier than expected.

Someone from 🇱🇾 has copied:

I love saying “You’re welcome!” really loudly when someone hasn’t thanked me.

Someone from 🇸🇨 has downloaded:

I am a fool everyday, I don’t need a holiday for it.

Someone from 🇸🇻 has shared:

Some woman is out there right now, pregnant with Leonardo DiCaprio’s next girlfriend.

Someone from 🇧🇾 has copied:

The only thing longer than the opening ceremony of the Olympics is the opening ceremony of my eyes in the morning.

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Messenger:

I’m looking forward to tomorrow. It’ll be much like today, but different enough to confuse me.

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

Got too drunk in the Vietnamese restaurant last night, they said I can never go back. They banh mi.

Freshly posted on YouTube:

When my friends are religious, I pretend not to notice.

Trending via Telegram:

The easiest way to shop with kids is not to.

Broadcasted on Snapchat:

Having no one to talk would get you a good sleeping schedule.

Going viral on X:

I’ve never wished a man dead, but I’ve read some obituaries with great pleasure.

Seen just now on Messenger:

If elves make shoes, cookies, and toys, why don’t we put them in charge of more stuff?

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

The closest I get to a spa day is when I’m draining pasta, and the steam smacks me in the face.

Crazy that caffeine has no short or long-term negative side effects. Just a super drug from God.

Whoever removed the 30th and 31st from February, come get the 14th too.

They should invent a body that doesn’t keep the score.

Wrapping gifts on the floor after 50: 1% holiday spirit, 99% figuring out how to stand up without calling for help.

Pleasantly surprised to discover the treadmill I bought came with a remote control, so I can run it from my recliner.

Being in college when The Chainsmokers dropped Closer was an experience to say the least.

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Technically, all restaurants are drive-thru, it just depends how committed to the task you are.

If you want to make your mother proud, make her my mother-in-law.

Nobody knows my next move. Not even me.

I’ve been having a rough day for about 5 years now.

I was 21 when I was 15, that’s why everything’s boring now.

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Gonna close my bank account and keep all my money on me, like Sonic the Hedgehog.

I think I’ll just let my jazz hands speak for themselves.

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Grateful for independence mostly because British food is gross.

That depressing moment when you pull up to work and the building is not engulfed in flames.

Why do birds love going apeshit first thing in the morning?

I yelled at my cat and the other cats yelled at me. Like wow, okay, pay my mortgage then.

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Welcome to your 40s. Your ability to be sneaky will now be hindered by your bones cracking when you walk.

Just because I loved you at one point doesn’t mean I will always love you. I’m not Whitney Houston.

What is the name of the course in medical school where you learn not to take your patients seriously?

It’s okay, wobbly chair, I’m unstable too.

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The closest I get to a spa day is when I’m draining pasta, and the steam smacks me in the face.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

Crazy that caffeine has no short or long-term negative side effects. Just a super drug from God.

Whoever removed the 30th and 31st from February, come get the 14th too.

They should invent a body that doesn’t keep the score.

Wrapping gifts on the floor after 50: 1% holiday spirit, 99% figuring out how to stand up without calling for help.

Pleasantly surprised to discover the treadmill I bought came with a remote control, so I can run it from my recliner.

Being in college when The Chainsmokers dropped Closer was an experience to say the least.

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

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