Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇳🇱 has downloaded:

My favorite part of leaving the house is looking forward to going home.

Someone from 🇧🇳 has viewed:

I just need a little time to warm up to you, and then I’ll be super fun, I promise—1-2 years at most.

Someone from 🇳🇱 has bookmarked:

I put the “pro” in procrastinate.

Someone from 🇨🇺 has bookmarked:

I think my type is a nice person.

Someone from 🇼🇸 has downloaded:

Really just want to meet someone who knows what songs not to talk over.

Someone from 🇲🇾 has viewed:

I’m not shy, I’m holding back my awesomeness so I don’t intimidate you.

Someone from 🇱🇨 has downloaded:

As someone who was born in August, I find the word leotard extremely offensive.

Someone from 🇹🇿 has downloaded:

My toxic trait is that I expect people to have common sense, and I get mad when they don’t.

Someone from 🇹🇻 has downloaded:

If I were a higher power, and people were doing evil in my name, I’d probably stop it … but that’s just me.

Someone from 🇭🇺 has bookmarked:

iPad PR is so crazy because you think you absolutely need one until you get it.

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,293

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via LinkedIn:

It’s strange that we say time is a great healer when it kills 100% of people.

Just shared via YouTube:

“Help us improve Instagram!” Nice try, fix your own damn website.

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

I have this ability where I can look at someone’s profile picture and determine whether they are evil or not.

Breaking via WeChat:

Cocktails can be tricky, because they taste like juice, but then the next thing you know… you can’t walk.

Freshly posted on Messenger:

If they can make a nuclear reactor small enough to power a submarine, why can’t they make one for my house?

Freshly posted on YouTube:

They should invent a food that sounds good for dinner tonight.

Spreading quickly via Messenger:

Satan: “Would you please stop sacrificing animals to me. I’m not running a zoo down here.”

Shared recently on X:

Sure, you can invite more people to the plans we made 2 months ago. The more, the merrier. Also, I’m not going now.

Just landed via Slack:

Nobody warns you of the devastation two days of stuffing will bring upon your digestive system.

Making waves on YouTube:

Tech bro obsessed with “storytelling,” but hasn’t read a book in the last 5 years.

The earlier you wake up, the more time you have to think about why you wish you were still asleep in bed.

1 week ago

Funny Quotes

Funny quote about morning regrets, highlighting the playful struggle of waking up early.

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Commentary:
"When the snooze button and I have a toxic relationship. 🛌⏰😂"

asleep, bed, earlier, humor, laziness, morning, morning routine, motivation, procrastination, routine, sleep, still, think, thoughts, time, wake, waking, waking up, why, wish

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Social Media Stars ⭐

40 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Every house has a smell that only the people living in it don’t smell.

52 shares on Twitch this month:

Staring at the sky for answers, nothing new.

47 shares on Instagram this month:

Does anyone know if there’s a career in being a piece of shit?

78 shares on Discord this month:

I’m a single issue voter. I’m single and it’s an issue.

48 shares on Instagram this month:

I’m just going to be hotter. It’s easier than being nicer.

34 shares on WhatsApp this month:

My morning coffee makes me feel like I’ve got my shit together. I don’t, but it makes me feel like I do.

38 shares on Instagram this month:

When your children are teenagers, it’s important to have a dog so that someone in the house is happy to see you.

34 shares on Instagram this month:

Home is where you trust the toilet seat.

80 shares on WeChat this month:

They say water is the source of life, which is true because you can’t make coffee without water.

66 shares on Slack this month:

I am convinced that size matters, especially when it comes to the heart.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇲 has downloaded:

If you wave your keys in front of a giant house, people will think you own it.

Someone from 🇦🇴 has copied:

After Michael Jordan joined a religious order, he was known as Air Friar.

Someone from 🇲🇿 has copied:

It’s always a huge relief when I’m reading a list of symptoms of a deadly disease, and it says unexplained weight loss.

Someone from 🇦🇪 has copied:

People moaning and making noise over food makes me so livid I can’t keep it in.

Someone from 🇸🇰 has downloaded:

Reading a book and coming across a character’s name that you don’t know how to pronounce, so for the rest of the book, every time you see it, your brain just goes ‘skdjfkskakfk.’

Someone from 🇧🇦 has viewed:

I’m not scared of love, I’m scared of insufficient cash.

Someone from 🇳🇵 has bookmarked:

The secret to a good marriage is that it’s all about give and take. Giving each other frequent back rubs and ordering lots of takeout.

Someone from 🇬🇦 has copied:

I’ve learned two important things in life, I can’t remember the first one, but the second one is to write everything down.

Someone from 🇸🇱 has copied:

I’m far too underqualified for adult life, and I feel like I was promoted to manager far too quickly.

Someone from 🇱🇾 has downloaded:

I’m an over-explainer (I explain things too much).

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Pinterest:

If robbers ever broke into my house and searched for money, I’d just laugh and search with them.

Seen just now on Threads:

Sometimes, I feel like I need love, but the moment I finish eating, I realize I was just hungry.

Going viral on Twitch:

Once when I was exercising, I realized that I was allergic to it. I was out of breath, sweating and my heart was racing.

Going viral on Snapchat:

Forget pheromones, barbecue smells are always attractive.

Breaking via WhatsApp:

Lovingly looking at my dog knowing I’m about to ruin her day with a bath.

Going viral on WhatsApp:

Bro, are you a black hole, because you suck energy and light?

Spreading quickly via Discord:

I took a pole and found that 100% of people in the tent were angry.

Spotted on Snapchat:

I love men with a provider fetish.

Making waves on Pinterest:

Establish dominance by eating a salad in front of your indoor plants.

Just shared via YouTube:

People on diet aren’t mad at you. They’re mad at their lunch.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

The earlier you wake up, the more time you have to think about why you wish you were still asleep in bed.

Car insurance should give you back money at the end of the year for having no accidents.

We should make a new internet that’s as hard to use as the old internet was, so anyone that’s too stupid to have used the internet 20 years ago can’t get on it.

I lied, there’s no sex. Can you tell me a bedtime story?

Finally my winter fat has gone. I now have spring rolls.

I may regret the megabytes I’ve wasted, but I’ll never regret the megabites I’ve tasted.

The dumbest thing about YouTube ads is how they seem to think that I’m a moron.

Social Media Stars ⭐

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Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

The earlier you wake up, the more time you have to think about why you wish you were still asleep in bed.

Keep the laugh going 😂

Car insurance should give you back money at the end of the year for having no accidents.

We should make a new internet that’s as hard to use as the old internet was, so anyone that’s too stupid to have used the internet 20 years ago can’t get on it.

I lied, there’s no sex. Can you tell me a bedtime story?

Finally my winter fat has gone. I now have spring rolls.

I may regret the megabytes I’ve wasted, but I’ll never regret the megabites I’ve tasted.

The dumbest thing about YouTube ads is how they seem to think that I’m a moron.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨