The iPhone alarm is so effective that you wake up before it goes off, so you don’t have to listen to such an unbearable noise.

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Isolation, the most goated coping mechanism. I love talking to no one and losing my mind alone.

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Not to brag, but I’ve done nothing for several hours.

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I don’t trust anyone who gets enraged over messed-up fast food orders.

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Before Facebook, we would hold people hostage inside our homes by showing them photo albums of our vacation.

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That strange moment when you are trying to be serious, but then you accidentally smile.

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Teaching myself ukulele! Neighbor keeping the beat on my wall!

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One week without chocolate. I can no longer hear anything in my left eye.

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I’m sorry that I’m canceling plans. I made them last week when I assumed that, by now, I’d be a different person.

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Imagine hating me, and I’m just over here looking at soup recipes.

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I just locked eyes with a spider. But instead of killing him I ran away and hid, so he can spend the night stressing about where I am.