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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇪 has downloaded:

They say we learn from our mistakes. That’s why I’m making as many as possible… I’ll be a genius soon.

Someone from 🇰🇲 has downloaded:

Sorry, boss, I can’t come in to work today, I’m gonna be playing outside.

Someone from 🇧🇭 has copied:

Love when a doctor emails me about my “outstanding bill”. If it’s so good, why don’t you pay it?

Someone from 🇦🇬 has viewed:

Cute how I complain that my kids are spoiled when I’m the one who spoils them.

Someone from 🇳🇦 has bookmarked:

When I was young, I couldn’t wait to be older. Well, I wasn’t expecting this shit!

Someone from 🇳🇷 has downloaded:

I switched from coffee to orange juice and told my doctor I felt better. He said it’s the vitamin C and natural sugars, but I think it’s the vodka.

Someone from 🇺🇸 has copied:

Even my imaginary friend got bored and left me a note saying ‘we should see other people’

Someone from 🇷🇸 has downloaded:

I bet oiling and wrapping potatoes in aluminum foil feels so good for the potato.

Someone from 🇨🇲 has viewed:

If I go missing and you put my weight on that poster, I swear I’m not coming back.

Someone from 🇸🇾 has downloaded:

My security system is just a bunch of my unpaid bills taped to my front door.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,377

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Facebook:

At the gym, everyone thinks exclusively about how little weight I can lift and how quickly I’m out of breath, because the world revolves around me.

Just landed via Messenger:

Exorcist came by. Says house isn’t possessed, just incredibly poorly built.

Shared recently on Slack:

I will be posting telepathically on all social media today. So if you think of something funny, that was me.

Going viral on Snapchat:

An agenda reveal party, where I surprise everyone with all the things I hope to accomplish this weekend.

Seen just now on Discord:

I’ve never seen a Cybertruck with anyone in the passenger seat.

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

If you’re cremated after you die, you can be put into an hourglass and continue to participate in family game night.

Spotted on X:

I’m a pocket full of sunshine, not your dumping ground for grumpiness.

Spotted on LinkedIn:

Delete a letter of his name from your contacts every time he makes you upset. When his name’s gone, he’s gone. Hangman that boy.

Spotted on Pinterest:

You ever have one of those days that require the use of both of your middle fingers?

Trending via Telegram:

If anything I post makes you mad, just know that it pleases me.

The sexual tension between me and the person I’m not supposed to have any sexual tension with.

3 weeks ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
When you’re starring in your own romcom, but nobody told the other person 🍿😅🔥

attraction, awkward, desire, forbidden, humor, me, person, relationship, sexual, sexual tension, tension

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

I wonder how much time The Weeknd saves not typing that extra e.

0

2 months ago

E, extra, humor, i, letter, much, music, time, typing, Weeknd, wonder
I have a bit of an inferiority complex. But it’s not a very good one.

0

2 months ago

bit, complex, confidence, good, humor, i, inferiority, inferiority complex, irony, personality, self-deprecation, wit
They say sugar can’t fix your problems. Yeah, well, neither can broccoli. At least cake puts in the effort.

0

1 month ago

broccoli, cake, comparison, dessert, effort, fix, food, humor, least, problem, problems, say, sugar, well
The way I see it, eating chips while I wait for my pizza to arrive is no different than ordering a starter in a restaurant.

0

5 months ago

chip, chips, different, eating, food, humor, i, pizza, restaurant, snack, starter, wait, waiting, while
I once broke up with a guy because he ate half my french fries, and when I get really lonely, I still think about those french fries.

0

2 months ago

breakup, broke, food, french, french fry, fry, guy, half, humor, i, loneliness, lonely, memory, once, relationship, snack, still, think
Most of my shoulder workout comes from shrugging when people ask me questions.

0

2 months ago

ask, exercise, fitness, humor, me, most, people, question, questions, sarcasm, shoulder, shoulder workout, shrug, workout

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

20 shares on Reddit this month:

How many of y’all are “burn a CD” and “lime wire” old?

47 shares on Twitch this month:

I prefer not to think before speaking. I like being as surprised as everyone else by what comes out of my mouth.

19 shares on YouTube this month:

Procrastination isn’t a horrible thing. I mean, you always have something to do tomorrow… plus you have nothing to do today.

16 shares on Facebook this month:

My superpower is giving you the middle finger using my eyes only.

51 shares on Threads this month:

If the interviewer doesn’t think it’s cool when you pull a quarter out of his ear, the job wasn’t good enough for you anyways.

30 shares on Instagram this month:

Called in, “Hey, macarena!” this morning.

82 shares on Twitch this month:

Talking to the stars because people suck.

65 shares on Threads this month:

I’d like to shrink you down and add you to my keychain.

49 shares on YouTube this month:

There must be an opposite of suicide, where someone suddenly and radically decides to start living, and rescues their own life from meaninglessness.

29 shares on Threads this month:

“Overdressed” is a social construct created by hating girls.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇾 has viewed:

The best cuddles are the ones where you don’t have to deflate her when you’re done.

Someone from 🇹🇲 has bookmarked:

Kids these days don’t know the shame of having to explain yo-yo injuries.

Someone from 🇦🇿 has copied:

To be blocked is to be seen and to be seen is to be loved.

Someone from 🇼🇸 has viewed:

You seem really unhinged, we should grab coffee sometime.

Someone from 🇵🇱 has downloaded:

My gf doesn’t really like it when I talk about my ex, which means I now have a lot of stories from college where I’m just alone for some reason.

Someone from 🇬🇼 has copied:

This meeting could have been a push down the stairs.

Someone from 🇫🇮 has viewed:

I only drink when I people.

Someone from 🇬🇷 has bookmarked:

I’m not a morning person. I’m not even an afternoon person. I pretty much start functioning after 6pm.

Someone from 🇹🇴 has viewed:

When you drink red wine from a cup, it looks like fruit tea and you are also admired by others for your healthy lifestyle.

Someone from 🇮🇱 has copied:

I have to stand in the shower about this.

Social Media Log 💫

Breaking via Slack:

To horses, hay is considered both a bed and breakfast.

Making waves on Reddit:

My neighbors listen to really good music, whether they like it or not.

Spreading quickly via Telegram:

I don’t need therapy. I need everyone who’s ever wronged me to suddenly feel a chill and not know why.

Shared recently on Messenger:

My husband is looking for the remote control. I need everyone to stand up for a minute.

Spotted on X:

I’m still trying to dig myself out my ringtone debt from the late 90’s.

Spotted on Messenger:

Boys say that girls are dramatic, but have you ever plucked a man’s eyebrow? They act like they’ve been shot.

Seen just now on TikTok:

Did I eat too much candy today? My stomach says yes, but my heart says no.

Going viral on Pinterest:

Most of your problems emanate from assuming that you are intelligent. Ease into your stupidity, and be free.

Breaking via Messenger:

I’ve got 99 problems. I know this because I wake up in the middle of the night to review each and every one of them in great detail.

Seen just now on TikTok:

Going to bed early is easy, going to sleep early is a whole other set of problems.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

The sexual tension between me and the person I’m not supposed to have any sexual tension with.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

I wonder how much time The Weeknd saves not typing that extra e.

I have a bit of an inferiority complex. But it’s not a very good one.

They say sugar can’t fix your problems. Yeah, well, neither can broccoli. At least cake puts in the effort.

The way I see it, eating chips while I wait for my pizza to arrive is no different than ordering a starter in a restaurant.

I once broke up with a guy because he ate half my french fries, and when I get really lonely, I still think about those french fries.

Most of my shoulder workout comes from shrugging when people ask me questions.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨