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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇪 has downloaded:

I hope this email makes you quit your job.

Someone from 🇦🇺 has viewed:

Sometimes I think about Adam and Eve and how they couldn’t even get a babysitter.

Someone from 🇱🇧 has copied:

I have been touched inappropriately by the sun today.

Someone from 🇮🇸 has viewed:

Life hack: put on an apron at home and people think you’re super busy doing important stuff even when you’re not.

Someone from 🇳🇴 has bookmarked:

My toxic trait is binging a show too fast, then getting sad when I have nothing to watch.

Someone from 🇹🇩 has viewed:

Sometimes happiness is just having a good night’s sleep.

Someone from 🇲🇿 has copied:

Go outside and let the rain do what your boyfriend can’t.

Someone from 🇱🇻 has downloaded:

I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol.

Someone from 🇯🇵 has copied:

Men be like: I would love the opportunity to give you the bare minimum.

Someone from 🇲🇩 has downloaded:

Things were better when the computer lived in its own specific room, and you only went in there sometimes.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

676 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,946

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Threads:

I took my kids to the zoo when they were small, I wonder how they are getting on now.

Trending via Messenger:

So deep in her Instagram story, I accidentally liked an ad for a Toyota.

Spotted on Twitch:

To be blocked is to be seen and to be seen is to be loved.

Trending via Slack:

My favorite conspiracy theory is that everything is going to be OK.

Just landed via WhatsApp:

Once you find humor in any situation, you have nothing to fear.

Spreading quickly via Pinterest:

Sometimes I see how many vacations people take and I wonder if I’m bad with money or if they are.

Making waves on Telegram:

I’m gonna start cursing people out but with biblical phrases like I hope your crops wither and bear no fruit and the ravens eat your mustard seeds.

Live now on LinkedIn:

If Dracula had a cat, she’d be the one sleeping in the coffin.

Going viral on WeChat:

Ruining the Olympics for my fiancée by, every time they mention Paris, saying, “that’s where Ratatouille lived”.

Shared recently on Telegram:

It’s comical when I lean back in my chair only to realize it’s a stool.

The streets are not for me. I belong in an enchanted forest, eating berries, and talking to my animal friends.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Trading traffic lights for fairy lights sounds like a magical upgrade! 🐿️🧚‍♂️🍓

animal, animal friend, berry, eating, enchanted, enchanted forest, escape, fantasy, forest, friend, friends, humorous, i, lover, me, nature, nature lover, streets, talking, whimsical, woodland

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

This is about the time of year where my enthusiasm about shoveling snow turns into “it will probably melt on it’s own”.

0

2 months ago

enthusiasm, humor, melt, own, procrastination, seasonal, shoveling, snow, time, weather, where, winter, year
Half princess, half menace.

0

2 months ago

contrast, duality, half, humor, menace, personality, playful, princess
When a woman texts you three questions, you should only answer one. She will love that.

0

2 months ago

answer, communication, humor, love, only, questions, relationship, should, text, texts, three, woman
All we needed to be happy in the 90s was music and cigarettes.

0

3 months ago

90s, cigarette, cigarettes, happiness, happy, music, nostalgia
I will selflessly protect my family from a life of diabetes by eating all the sweets myself.

0

2 months ago

diabetes, eating, family, humor, i, life, myself, sacrifice, selflessness, sweets
Reverse cowgirl because you made me mad, and I can’t even look at you right now.

0

5 months ago

anger, cowgirl, even, frustration, humor, i, intimacy, mad, me, relationship, reverse, reverse cowgirl, right

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

65 shares on Discord this month:

Free will: where you get to choose your own adventure … and regret it.

25 shares on X this month:

Don’t tell me to trust my gut. Thats where I put my snacks. Clearly that’s where I’m the weakest.

64 shares on Instagram this month:

Does anyone else stare at the dead body in movies to see if you can catch them breathing?

56 shares on Twitch this month:

Call your family now and ask them what the wifi password is, so they have time to find the little paper it’s written on before Thanksgiving.

27 shares on Instagram this month:

Once you realize that the general public is retarded, you stop caring about how crazy you look to them.

87 shares on LinkedIn this month:

January-me would not believe the life I lived this year.

73 shares on Snapchat this month:

Did you get that psychic damage I sent you?

58 shares on Instagram this month:

Being married means mostly shouting “What?” from other rooms.

53 shares on X this month:

Me, as a therapist: “OMG, me too!”

11 shares on Twitch this month:

“I’m not dramatic. I just react with the intensity of a Shakespearean widow at all times.”

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇳 has copied:

Normalize mouthing the lyrics to the song in your headphones in public.

Someone from 🇱🇰 has viewed:

The nerve of a majority of people I meet being younger than me. How dare them?

Someone from 🇸🇱 has downloaded:

I can relate to the stock market because I am always about to crash at a moment’s notice.

Someone from 🇴🇲 has shared:

I’m a simple girl, really. I just want to watch the sunset, laugh, drink coffee, and read books. I also want a time machine and a pet dragon.

Someone from 🇧🇿 has shared:

If you watch Home Alone backwards it’s a loving story about a kid that heals two men that were savagely beaten.

Someone from 🇮🇶 has viewed:

I find myself thinking “God, I need a cigarette” way too often for someone who doesn’t actually smoke.

Someone from 🇮🇹 has bookmarked:

I have friends in high places (birds).

Someone from 🇹🇳 has shared:

Those 8 hours at work go by quickly when you call off.

Someone from 🇦🇿 has copied:

“Easy like Sunday morning” is something people with no kids say.

Someone from 🇦🇲 has viewed:

If an ice cream truck has its music on, are you supposed to pull over and let it pass like an ambulance?

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Slack:

Three drinks in and that skateboard outside is looking rideable.

Going bananas on YouTube:

Too young to retire, too poor to quit and too fat to strip – so let’s move on.

Trending via YouTube:

Non-alcoholic beer is like a vibrator without batteries: it fills you up nicely but without the buzz…

Seen just now on Messenger:

“Gravy is not a beverage.” Okay, well that’s why I was trying to drink it in the bathroom, so you wouldn’t see me.

Just shared via Pinterest:

“Are you dating anyone?” I close my eyes when I walk past mirrors.

Just shared via Facebook:

I think I can now safely say that none of my co-workers were “personality hires”.

Trending via Instagram:

I told all my neighbors that I have a twin, so that when I see them in public I don’t have to talk to them.

Just landed via Reddit:

The local casino is hosting a speed dating event. Just what every woman needs, a new boyfriend with a gambling problem.

Just shared via Snapchat:

There’s only one way we’ll at least occasionally get normal elected officials and that’s if we pick them by random lottery.

Spotted on Slack:

I’m getting to the age where it’s rude to pull out a bottle of ibuprofen if I don’t have enough for everyone.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

The streets are not for me. I belong in an enchanted forest, eating berries, and talking to my animal friends.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

This is about the time of year where my enthusiasm about shoveling snow turns into “it will probably melt on it’s own”.

Half princess, half menace.

When a woman texts you three questions, you should only answer one. She will love that.

All we needed to be happy in the 90s was music and cigarettes.

I will selflessly protect my family from a life of diabetes by eating all the sweets myself.

Reverse cowgirl because you made me mad, and I can’t even look at you right now.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨